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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Faith-and-Hope 👋😘

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Teej

At the time I am being creative, that voice telling me to go to bed has almost no power. In that sense, at that time, it doesn't matter to me if I have flip hours. I am driven. In a lot of ways it's an obsession and compulsion. Not so keen on the fatigue and boredom that often follows the next day and/or the day after. But I think maybe it's worth it, while also seeing it may not be sustainable long term, especially in health terms.

But today my psychiatrist was also talking me about quality of life. It's a phrase my mum too used to say to me when I was younger. About trying to connect more with social situations with various people from different walks of life, that kind of thing. How growth comes of it in both directions. And all the obvious reasons having a life off the computer is desirable. And I agree, but feel sort of helpless in being able to change it, even after so many people have tried to help me change.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I planted a new Coriander on my garden wall yesterday morning and thought of you @Teej .... and @Zoe7 because she has plans for a pot garden ..... and @Maggie cos she would love my garden wall too .....

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks for the suggestions, @Faith-and-Hope. You give good ones.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita I see your quality of life being about creating too. What I know about you is that it gives you a quality of life, the stimulation and creativity you desire as well as working with others. They are all relationships that bring growth too. I see how far you’ve come with lots of things. One of the things I’ve admired about you is that you follow your heart with stuff, whether that being connecting with someone online or in real life, you try to live in the moment when you are out and your drive to create is awesome. I think you need to do what makes you feel happy and content.

Just personally I don’t think you need to have a big social life to grow or be well adjusted? 🤔🤦‍♀️. You have relationships in your life that work well and I know you would be open minded if another opportunity came up that gave you more friends. I might change my tune but I think there is too much pressure on lots of this stuff.

You have medical conditions which mean that your only job is to look after you. I can’t see that it’s important what time of the day that is unless it’s really bothering you.

Theres my rave! :face_with_rolling_eyes:😘

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I can relate @Mazarita re that creative drive. It’s like that for me when I am oil painting, and it’s often after 10pm that I start because that is when the night, and therefore, my brain, starts to quieter down and I can find my focus.

I try to set myself a midnight curfew, but there are times when I deliberately override this and then try for 1am, but not later than 2am .....

I don’t know if I helps, but I try to assign at least a six hour block of sleep, so I have to make deals with myself, negotiate where that 6 hour block is going to belong if I over-ride to 3am, 4am or beyond.

I can be quite a negotiator ..... making a deal with myself to sleep four hours between 4 - 8am, and then an afternoon nap between 2 - 4pm, and bed again by midnight ..... but the principle is that I owe myself health as much as I owe myself creativity, and my commitment to my family, and I have to balance the ledger.

Perhaps it will help you to make self-deals about x number of work hours mean a corresponding number of hours for sleeping and socialising. It doesn’t have to be rigid .... it just has to happen.

What do you think ?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks, @Teej!!!

It's so wonderful to feel validated and heard on this issue. I know it's kind of a 'first world problem'. But it is real and there seems to be a lot of pressure (including in my own head) to conform. At the same time, I agree with the reasoning behind it. It's still a dilemma, but so good to feel the different considerations recognised.

@Faith-and-Hope, yes, it may take a re-orientation of my thinking about my priorities in life. That may help me to make (and more importantly stick to) deals with myself. I too often try to make deals like: get to bed before 'pumpkin hour'. Then if I cross that boundary, I say 2am. But after that it's open slather because I know I will be awake at dawn and (most times) go to bed just after that. I do tend to make up the sleep eventually, but it does look like quite an extreme pattern. So there is this voice saying, 'it's not on', in my own head too. We'll see what I can do about it, and maybe this new med I'm starting might lend some help with it too.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

You’re welcome @Mazarita 😄. Glad it helped.

@Faith-and-Hope I think for the first time we see things a bit differently 😜. It had to happen eventually. I respect your opinions on this too but I chuckled that we came from opposite ends......well it amused me. 😆

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

The funny thing is I agree with both of you, @Teej, @Faith-and-Hope.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hahaha @Mazarita ....I was about to say that I can see, and can agree, to both ..... @Teej 😆

Here is F&H negotiating and agreeing with herself .....

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