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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita no time out til this afternoon. This morning 9.45-12.30 is the Living Beyond Abuse course. It can get heavy. As an empath, being in group with 12 women all with lived experience of domestic, family, and sexual abuse (some who are still living it) can be really full-on. And that's on top of how doing the work affects me. It's more educational than emotional support, which is really good, but a lot of stuff still comes to the surface. It does feel like a safe space though - so if it had to come up anywhere it's better there. We get homework every week too.

Oh and I've only had 2 hours sleep. Will nap for an hour or so before I go I hope.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth, that's a long session to be focussed on those matters. I really get how intense it would be in that room. I would find it too gruelling I think. Good that it feels like a safe space.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita Yeah it's kind of gruelling this early in the course, but I feel ready to face it all. Hopeful that I will at last be able to put my past in my behind!

Just ducking to the loo in the big house. BRB

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Glad to hear the timing of this course is good for you, that you are ready for it, @eth. I hope you will be able to find release from the darkness of those experiences. I'm hoping for something similar with my sessions with the psychologist. Some of what I want to talk about is very dark terrain. I will be raising one very troubling thing from my past in particular. I won't talk about it much here though. It's even a bit too difficult and exposing for this anonymous space really. It relates to abuse I have experienced and some I may have imagined in some kind of psychosis earlier in my life. That period of my life and those beliefs went on for a long time and it troubles me greatly, even now.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I hear you @Mazarita. Saturday night at the farm it was just me and bro and we covered some of that sort of territory. His knowledge of facts pertaining to events in my past conflicted with my memories when I was in psychosis. The truth lies somewhere in between. But these days I am also reconciled with the fact that some of the details I'll never know and that's ok. What matters is how we are living day to day in the now. But some things have to be processed before we can get to that point.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Yes, @eth, this is very much a terrain of having to accept that I will never know the 'truth' about what may or may not have happened. But the memory of it, and especially what my mind may have invented of it, haunts me to this day, and really needs some processing and further integration into my life. Part of the reason for my bad feelings is that I feel kind of 'evil' for having had those thoughts ever. I guess that fallout is part of having experienced psychoses at all.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

True that @Mazarita. And my adult child is still recovering from it all too. Lately there've been blow ups from them about it all. I can't be heard in the way I need by them yet, if ever. After years of saying they forgive me they are now saying things that imply I've blamed them rather than just need to mention I'm doing the course so things are tricky and rocky atm.

I now have to take them off the list of supporters in my Wellness Recovery Action Plan. The numbers are dwindling.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth, sorry to hear things are rocky with you and your child at present. I didn't entirely get the meaning of what you have written when you say... '...they are now saying things that imply I've blamed them rather than just need to mention I'm doing the course...'. I imagine it might be sad to have to remove your child from the list of supporters in your WRAP.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita I spoke to them briefly about the course and they said "I didn't do this to you" and hung up. Haven't spoken with me since. Yes it is sad but better I know than rely on them when the chips are down. I have to play the role of just being Mum instead of being able to have the open friendship we've had for the last 8 years.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth, the mum role can be thankless at times. I have treated my own mum badly at times over the years. I hope you and your child come back into the friendship space again soon.

I think I'm going to need to get offline now. The light from the screen is hurting my head. Thanks for the chat this morning. Always so great to catch up with you real time here. Best for your day ahead.

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