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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good one @eth So she got to stay there for 80 to 100 years, then....

Very slow-growing hardwood, takes about that long to grow to maturity.

Adge

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Lovely story. @eth

@Shaz51

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Appleblossom and @Mazarita I know you'd both remember me talking about J when he was in my life up north. When I left to come south leaving him behind was the hardest part. But I really needed the kind of support with mh issues that I couldn't go to him for.... and you might remember that even tho' we knew each other intimately for over 16 years at that stage, he never called it 'a relationship'. ..... So we're talking again and he says the things I hoped to hear for a very long time. Seems like the old absence makes the heart grow fonder. He had said last year some time that he was coming to visit, then delayed and I stopped hearing from him for a while. Kind of left me dangling coz he never actually said he wasn't coming. I've told him that's how it felt and he apologized. So lately we've been chatting and he's acknowledged that he had a period of depression for several months - I know him well and it's huge that he's naming it and talking about it. Most older men wouldn't admit to it. (He's 68). He says he didn't realise how much effect me leaving had on him, and that he really wants to come see me when all this social distancing is over. That he 'needs' to see me. I've been here over 3 years. Despite the irony and my comitment to my own needs these days, he's on my mind a lot. We've known each other for nearly 20 years and no-one else has ever held that place in my life. Needless to say, I am not counting my chickens before they hatch, and even if he does come, I will look on it as dipping my toes in the water before deciding whether or not I want to swim. I have told him maybe a week or two holiday together and take it one day at a time. If it's not going to be different than it was then all it will be is travelling together with some loving thrown in. He's great company, tells a good yarn, and we both love camping out. I'm ok with that I think - won't know if I don't go sort of thing. If we just go to bro and sil's farm for a week or so I'll not be too far away if I want to come home. Just wanted to share what's happening with someone - so that's my rave for today. I'd be interested to hear what you think if you feel like giving me some feedback.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth

Yes I remember. From this last post you seem to have thought things through pretty well. What can I add ... aaaaah .... men ... long sigh ... and yet ... every positive moment in life that gives mutual pleasure and meaning is worth it. I hope that it does not become something that will tear you away from your well supported current situation ... to be in the womanly supportive role to him in his aged days. Taking it slowly and a day at a time seems wise. If you want more from him, maybe find a way ... to make that plain.

I am not the most successful person in this arena ... lol

Take Care

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks for your words @Appleblossom . Plenty to think about, but not wanting to over-complicate it either. It really is the test of taking one day at a time. And striking the balance between sharing how we really feel and believing pillow talk (which by now I'm wary of). But I am in a good mood tonight!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Your last line made me laugh @eth

Enjoy your positive mood without fear, cos we all know they dont last forever.

I am weirdly in a good mood. I dont mind isolation. No music today. All paving and feeling good getting a hard job done. Pottering mostly. I am more connected in these last couple of years than I was for many years before.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I'm having a bit of a situation and it's getting to me today. Probably shouldn't go into details. I've finally come to the decision to make a statement about how it's effecting me. Expecting some sort of backlash. It's a first for me after 5 1/2 years on the forums.

Won't tag anyone with this but just had to say something. So many feelings going on. Will possibly be back later but I don't know. Time for time out for me.

take care all

edited

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @eth @Appleblossom @Adge @Zoe7 @Shaz51 and everyone,

Just dropping in briefly tonight. On my mobile which takes me a lot of time to write messages. Fast typist on PC, slow as a snail on mobiles.

Eth, so J is back again. Not sure what to think about it really. If I remember properly, I don't recall him treating you badly, except that he seemed excessively avoidant of any sign of commitment.

Is he in NSW now? If not, guessing it may be a while before you can meet up again. If I was in your shoes, I would likely do the same as you, for worse or better. At the least I'd want to meet again for friendship.

Hope the upset you posted about is okay.

Taking too long to write on the mobile, so will finish now. I am enjoying reading along with the interesting chat. ❤️

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Great to see you as usual @Mazarita

Sending you some love tonight too @eth I can understand why you needed a little time out Hon so some extra squishy hugs coming your way

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @Mazarita and @Zoe7 Today is easily a better day than yesterday. No real resolution of the problem, but I need to put it in my behind and move forward! Can't let one person rock my boat that much.

Looking forward to a zoom this afternoon with a local writing group that I joined online. Will be the first time I've seen them face to face. And maybe do a live reading during that. Spent some time choosing possible pieces to read this morning. This is the sort of thing I wish there was more of at the moment.

Hope today is gentle on you both and anyone else passing here today.

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