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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @eth I was not meaning to butt in - just affirming that I fit that category too (SA & long-term A survivor).

White Knott Day leaves male survivors out - it only includes women & children.

I was a child once, that's when it mostly happened (into adulthood).

I cannot usually do all-male groups (despite other's expectations) - because that is too triggering.

That is a common experience for male survivors - because the perpetrators were often (not always) male.

Adge

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita

@Adge

@Zoe7

@Shaz51

@MDT

@Appleblossom

@saturnzoon

Can someone explain to me what im able to say on what threads.

I dont understand at all.

I just respond to peoples concerns but apparently thats not right cause i got told to not speak. Ive been silenced all my life! Now i come on here & get told to shut up. Why?

I dont understand what each thread then wants of me unless its very specific like the one about EMDR which is what got me started on this. Someone was asking about it so i said id share my experiences

I just dont get it thats all. I thought it was about supporting each other no matter if theyre having a good day or a bad day. Just accepting thats where the person is right now.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I can certainly see your dilemma @Former-Member It was not a conversation your started and whilst it may not have been the appropriate thread to have that conversation it was the direction it took. You did not start that and were simply responding to a post by @saturnzoon In doing that you did nothing wrong. Sometimes conversations do take a more serious turn on the Social threads and everyone both deserves support in those instances as well as should be respected to reply. Please do not let that deter you from sharing your experiences or views as you have just as much right to have those as anyone else here.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Zoe7

Thanks for your response. I thought by tagging just one person it would eliminate that problem & make it more personal so the person felt heard & supported leaving others to chat.

I still dont know what im supposed to talk about on a long rave

I mean i dont understand what social threads r & what others r unless theyre very specific

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth

Totally as 3 of my bros got badly abused by my parents

One isnt around anymore & other 2 r quite a mess

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I would have done exactly the same @Former-Member - I would not have let someone hanging with no support in that situation either. There were also responses by others on that thread so you were not the only one. By tagging the poster only you did support them and also did allow the conversation to go on around you both between others. Sometimes we need to let a conversation run its course in whatever thread it is on but the primary concern should always be not letting someone feel unsupported - that after all is the primary purpose of the forum.

The Long Rave is one of those threads where the conversation is always changing but is also one where you can tell some of your story ...as it says at the beginning as it is under Our Stories. It has become one of those threads where many have visited over time - some have come and gone but the essence of it remains the same - a place to connect with others, write what is on your mind and share your experiences. The title itself allows for anyone to vent or write lengthy posts - it is not exclusive and definitely somewhere you can unload whatever is on your mind.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Adge

I have 4 bros. 3 alive. 3 were severely abused. They were good people & now i can c the damage done to them very clearly. The one not here anymore said to me that i did the right thing to get away from family.

I told my mother im on this forum in the hope she would tell my bros. Sure enough she has. Its all i can do to help him cause he doesnt even know me.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Zoe7

Thanks so much for explaining it more clearly. I would never have thought to look up its origin at all.

I just get invited somewhere which i appreciate & go from there.

Its still all very new to me as i say this town is still all very new to me.

The locals here have their ways too & assume u get what they mean. Its funny i definitely am clicking with people like myself that have moved here in last few yrs.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Sometmes it is also about finding where you 'fit in' too @Former-Member We all have threads that we visit more often and the conversations are based on a longer history of knowing those people over time. It can be disconcerting for some to join in on those threads especially when you are still finding your feet. In saying that though there should not be any thread that you do not feel that you cannot contribute to - we all have different experiences and our own unique knowledge to share and yours is just as valid and welcome as anyone elses. In saying that though inevitably in any community there will be groups that form in different corners of the wider community - please do not let that deter you though as all groups/communities change over time and it is only the participants that make it work - and new members are always welcome.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth

Thanks thought ud gone to sleep. Im heading off now

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