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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hey @saturnzoon I hear you have so much anxiety about the wedding. I totally get it that you don't want people staring and talking. If it's too much then I agree with you don't go!

I have 3 kids in their late teens and as far as talking goes, I try and get them one on one for coffee /milkshake once a week.

Wishing you the best with it all

Love Angels333

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@saturnzoon Sorry it’s hard for you this period.Hope you think about some coping strategies to deal with the new family situation. Take care of yourself mostly.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

What a bummer - I am so sorry @saturnzoon

You don't have to go to the wedding - that's asking too much

Okay - I didn't go to my ex-h's weddding - as I expected I wasn't invited - and in the best of taste I think

It's really thoughtless to imagine you would want to go and see your ex-h married to someone else - no wonder you feel so bad - I would - aw Saturnzoon - that is so bad

Okay - my daughter went to her father's wedding and then he gave my daughter away at her's - I wasn't thrilled about that either - certainly he is her father but ,........... enough said about that - I just get it from your point of view and I think they could just have their wedding and leave you out of it - and as for your kids - it's up to them I guess

It's one of those things we just need to endure - but what do you do about the invitation? Ah - you can reply or not - however it suits you - it's possibly least painful to send a non-acceptance care for the sake of manners and leave it at that

But you are upset - and I hear you - it's a rotten deal and something you are stuck with

But you don't need to worry about all the neighbours and the family - but aw - it is the pits

Thinking of you

Dec

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Makes sense your anxiety kicked in @saturnzoon Go into self care mode and politely say no thank you, if you can.

I think its weird that he asked you. I bought my son clothes for him to wear to his father's wedding, which was difficult enough. Then the woman changed her mind and so the wedding was called off. Very overwhelming feelings as it is was.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@saturnzoon Hey beautiful :). Part of me says girl get out there and go to the hair salon and get your hair done. Buy a new dress and shoes (make sure they dazzle). Even get your make up done for the day. Go and show that man what he is missing and be confident and strong.

Whilst another part of me says no way girl. Dont go if it is going to make you feel bad. Do something really nice for yourself tht day. Spoil yourself rotten. Personally I think it is weird that he has asked you. I hope my ex never would ask me if he was to marry his gf. There is no way that I would go. Love gpxx

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@saturnzoon Lots of these. 💜💕💜💕💜

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning saturnzoon and I hope
you are feeling better. Best wishes my
friend and may this day go well for you.
Love and kindness sent your way.
Bimby2.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom @Zoe7 hey hope you are having a good day.I am in snail mode.lol. Trying t get some housework done.Take care.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

A bit in snail mode here too @Meowmy I have been out to get a birthday card for my sister's partner so that is the only pressing thing I needed to do today. Back home now on the couch in front of the tv. I am babysitting my sister's dog today but he has finally settled and is now asleep on the couch with Toby asleep behind me

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Zoe7 Sounds a cozy relaxing afternoon.I did a bit of cleaning. Now just sitting vegetating in front of tv.lol. Hope you will have nice dinner.

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