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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @Zoe7 , I really appreciate it. xxx

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Angels333 ,

i'm really sorry to hear about your aunty passing away, and the difficult last few years of her life. I hope you are doing ok and that the funeral brings the family together united in their love and memories of your aunty in better times.

Take care hon.

Doglover xxx

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Zoe7 @Mazarita @Doglover @Faith-and-Hope @Angels333 @Former-Member @Adge @eth and all the Long Ravers wishing everyone who passes by on this beautiful Sunday a fabulous day. Lots of love gpxxxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Goodmorning little pea. Up early myself today but hoping to go back to sleep soon. Hope you have an awesome day @Bunniekins Love and hugs

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning to all here and a big thankyou for all the support and tags over the last 2 days. You know who you are.

Sending warm wishes to all and I'll be back tomorrow. Just not able to tag everyone right now. @cutiepiekitty @Doglover @Maggie @Shaz51 @Angels333 @MDT @Bunniekins @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope and anyone else passing through here and seeing this - support to everyone. Life is challenging for lots of us at the moment.

Take care all.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Sending warm wishes to you too @eth and hoping everything is okay with your adult child after the surgery

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hey @eth thinking about you and all you're going through xx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Feeling a bit mixed today. Got a counselling session tomorrow. The one I saw last time has put me on to a local person rather than having to go to the city, which made it a 13-14 hour away day. Kind of looking forward to it in a strange waay, but dreading it too. Hate having to meet someone for the first time in case they judge or don't understand. The logical part of me says that counsellors will not judge. But the programmed part of me has trouble accepting that. Do others have the same inner conflicts? How do/did you deal with them. I know that MY 'reality' is not the same reality as many other people, but still sometimes have trouble separating the two. Things that have one meaning to others have totally different meanings to me. When people talk about the "love" of parents or "brotherly love", I go cold. I do not know what they mean in their life, but to me they are just fear.

So I am worried about what I may say if she mentions family, because to me that is all hate and fear. Anyone have any mechanisms to cope with such things, or how I might be able to cope? Any suggestions welcome. Just feeling really confused and addled atm

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @cutiepiekitty

Meeting the counsellor for the first time, remind yourself that if you don’t like that person for some reason, you don’t have to go back ..... so it’s sort of like popping your bead around the corner for a look-see first before actually signing up with them.

If you’re not comfortable with a question, you can say “I’m not comfortable with talking about that yet. I need some time to find my courage / comfort level / ability to trust someone I have just met ..... (whatever you are comfortable using).

I have a mother in law who used to blindside me with controlling behaviours and judgemental comments. I started to practice what I would say or do “next time”, in my mind, rehearsing a response, and then it started to work when I found myself

in that position for real. I became prepared.

You could prepare a few answers that you might like to use if one of those sorts of questions comes up, and even write them down in case you get a bit of a mind blank. Feeling prepared can help settle that fear

of being taken by surprise and not knowing what to do in the moment.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @cutiepiekitty I agree with @Faith-and-Hope about writing things down. When I'm starting with someone new I spend time (sometimes over a few days) jotting down things I want to talk about and get help with, and either refer to it myself during the session or even have at times just handed the list to them early in the session. Hoping it goes ok for you and that you feel hope about working with them by the end of the session. I also think it's a bit like dipping your toes in the water and then deciding whether you want to swim. You can also ask them what their main types of therapy are, what qualifications they have, and how they think they can help you. You are, after all, a customer paying for a service and you have a right for it to suit you. take care, Eth

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