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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom 😄 thanks Appleblossom xxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Bunniekins

It is a stress ... and would send me into a spin.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi everyone.

@eth @Appleblossom

Re: Date - I posted this straight after (on Wednesday).

It seems to have been missed, because I've been asked (several times) how it went - so I'm repeating my original post.

Well we had a good chat (for 1 & 1/2 hours), & that was fun (nice).

The lady had the wrong age on her dating profile (she said), she's actually 10 years older than it said.

She does not seem interested in meeting someone for a relationship - she just likes meeting men once, as a social outing (she said).

It was good as a "confidence-building social exercise".

I hadn't been down to the Boat Harbour in several years, so that was nice.

I'm hungry (only just got home) - so I'm munch, munching dinner, as I type...

We did not exchange contact details (she wasn't interested) - so no further contact.

@Zoe7Yes you are right - of course it was still worthwhile.

@BunniekinsMy Date did not meet any of my Essential Criteria - which are very brief compared to her criteria.

Being interested in maintaining contact (or interested in me), is one criteria.

Adge

Adge

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Adge

Sounds pleasant, so not a waste of time.

Some people have many requirements, but diddling re age ... oh well ...

I stopped going on dates as I was tired of the rollercoaster (of being chosen or not), but for about 6 months I went on a few. Overall it was a positive experience. Helped reduce the gap between the sexes for me, as I was wary for a time before that.

Keeping an eye open in that area cant hurt.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Bunniekins I'm still not up to posting more about yesterday yet. Have had what I think is an adrenalin/excess coffee hangover all day, plus lots of details and worries about what went down bouncing me all over the place. Water tai chi this afternoon was wonderful.

Will see you over at the feast as I see you've just posted there too.


@Adge sorry, I had seen that post of yours re your 'date' and thought I'd supported it. Dealing with big stuff here irl and just dropped in briefly this morning. See you at the friday feast if you get there.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Appleblossom Your reasons for not dating (back then) sound very similar to mine.

Rollercoaster yes.

Then there is "Since my female friends say I'm a Great Catch" (for a woman) - "How come no-one wants to catch me"....

Adge

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I think there is also a lot to consider about whether or when to commit. I have never got it right in the past, so careful cos I make mistakes.

How tall are you @Adge ? Or is that too personal ... hee hee

@eth Give yourself time to process ... there are surely lots of strands ...

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

That's fine @eth There wasn't much more to say really, because we won't be meeting again.

If I had made a new friend, & we were staying in contact - then I would be excited, & I would have lots more to say.

Adge

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Yes well @Appleblossom I've committed far too early, in the past. So I'm with you there.

How Tall? That is a very interesting question.

I started out as 182cm (30 years ago), that's 5 Feet, 11.5 Inches (old scale) - just short of 6 ft.

Then I shrank - when I last measured, I was now only 179cm tall (I've shrunken by 3cm).

Adge

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Adge

Not a shorty hey!

Not funny that thing about the spine ... compressing ... can be ouchy too.

Not sure if I have shrunk ....

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