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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning @Mazarita 😊 It's a funny morning here this morning. Very dark and gloomy looking but not as cold as it looks like it should be. Still pretty cold though. Apparently it's the coolest start to November in nearly 25 years here (I'm feeling it!). I slept well and have coffee - two big ticks ☺

How are you going this morning? Hoping sleep feels good for you once C isn't stirring anymore 💗

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@CheerBear, great to hear you slept well. I've had a good four hours or so and feel pretty good at this moment. Lovely to bump into you again momentarily.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Happy to hear you're feeling good this morning @Mazarita ❤

Lovely to bump into you, even if it has been really brief 😊 I'm racing big to a shower now and will then get my littles up and going. They've had the past 4 days off so they'll be extra slow to start today.

Hope the rest of your day goes well ☺

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @eth, @Former-Member and everyone,

Feel like I haven't written here for ages, though it's probably only a full day or so. It's been a busy couple of days by my standards, especially just recovering from a period of sickness that flattened me. I've been helping my friend with her preparations for moving flat. She still hasn't found a place yet but has a date she has to be out, which makes things stressful. Also her serious mobility and chronic pain issues mean that she desperately needs help with the move, but has no professional supports in place whatsoever. One or two other friends are helping too, and C is helping, but I'm the mainstay of trying to keep her motivated in a regular way and just generally be her 'little helper' with whatever I can, within my own limited physical capabilities.

Aside from that, I had a psychologist appointment today, always good but also somewhat exhausting talking through issues for an hour, with mostly me doing the talking. And I've been doing some solid work finishing a draft of a video. With the extra physical exercise at my friend's place, the mental and emotional demands of the psychologist appointment, and the technical and creative challenges of the video, I basically collapsed into bed for two hours when I got home from the psych today. I went to bed again about 9.30pm but couldn't sleep. So here I am raving for a bit here instead.

Looking forward to catching up on how everyone has been over the past couple of days.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

My turn to say 'Snap' Mazy @Mazarita I just posted good night to you

Sounds like you've had a huge! day!!!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Snap and hugs for meeting in real time again, Niqua. Nightie night again.

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

😄 Mazy Perfect Good night for me, actually catching up in real time with you @Mazarita 🙂

I'll probably rave away tomorrow 🙂

Night 😉

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hello Mazy @Mazarita 🙂

How's the body today? I can't help thinking if your friend hasn't found a place yet, where's everything getting packed up to? {I don't expect an answer to that really}. And with serious mobility and pain issues, why hasn't she got any supports {asks the woman who rejects all supports 🙂 - again not expecting any answers, just thinking in type ;)} And here's the green eye of jealousy - . . . well she's lucky to have friends like you in the really real

I hope your psychologist appointment went smoothly and that it was helpful to be able to talk things out for an hour - I was never able to talk to the Doctors, my head would just go into total scramble; I felt like I turned into a little child, being faced by a huge adult . . . and I always felt like I was in trouble. I can't imagine having a day like you did yesterday - after all of that you finish a draft of a video as well!!! No wonder you couldn't sleep. Though I hope after a bit of raving your brain was able to wind down as I imagine your body really needed some rest

I've been pretty good the past couple of days 🙂 I took the dogs for a run in the local 'off-lead' park yesterday. The little fella found a scrap of something dead and furry to cart around like a treasure. I bought some chicken bits and a extra-strength coffee and had lunch on a big fallen tree in the middle of the park - it was nice 🙂 I've also treated myself to a couple of treasures from ebay, a couple of metal segmented bendy tent poles to replace the fiberglass ones that have split and were being held together by silver tape; and a large piece of %100 light block material to use on my roof rack tent. I've 'played' with them both, trying to figure out the best way to put them up. Unfortunately I've never been any good at sewing and stuff, and I didn't get quite enough material - but I should be able to get it to fit 3 sides 🙂 I'm also playing with an idea of leaving the very top open and using an umbrella like a cap, that I can push up to let some ventilation in {I noticed with my last trip to my Center that it gets a bit hot in there with the tarp completely covering it!}

Hoping you and your friend/s get to have a break today. Sending heaps of positive energy to help your friend find a place soon

Lots of love to you Mazy

Niqua

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi Niqua, today my energy levels are better than they have been for over a month. This is despite my rear end hurting a lot every time I go to the loo (a more frequent occurrence with me, due to the Crohns). I've settled back into my usual chronic smokers cough, but can breathe fairly freely again, unlike recently.

My friend's stuff is being packed because she has to leave her place, whether she has somewhere to go or not. If she hasn't found a place by the time she moves, it will all have to go into storage while she couch surfs until she can get a place. That is very undesirable due to her serious health issues. Also, she is a very big lady, which just makes a lot of things much harder for her. She is rather like you in rejecting all forms of professional support. I nag her a lot about going to the doctors, for example. You are not alone in being defiant about these things.

Yes, the psychologist sessions are good, though it does take it out of me to pretty much monologue for an hour, and I often need a rest or sleep when I get home. The idea is that I get to explore what I really deeply feel and think about things in my life. Unearthing things in this way means that they don't sit so much with me as stuck and immobilising, nameless emotions. And then, once unearthed, the idea is to find ways to absorb and be okay with those feelings and perceptions once they are out and in the light of day. I have been continuing to do work at home, especially on self-forgiveness. This first ten sessions with her are focussed on releasing and dealing with my guilt and shame. Some of what I am guilty and ashamed about has cause. Some of it is simply me beating myself up for no good reason other than I am not 100% perfect in my own estimation. I am a perfectionist in lots of ways and it can be a damaging, impossible trait. So part of the work is about trying to mediate this.

I like hearing about your walks with the dogs. All of you getting good exercise, and the refreshment of getting away from home for a while. Good on you with the ebay purchase. I get some pretty funny pictures in my mind of your tent on top of the car and I love the inventiveness of your approach.

I hope my friend and I don't get too much of a break from packing today, because I will get bored here with nothing to do at present on videos and the tides all wrong for a beach walk, and she needs to keep moving with stuff. I'm having fun helping her to be honest. I've already rung and left a message, waiting to hear back.

But if she doesn't ring back or wants a day to herself, I have domestic duties stacked up here. But will I get to them anyway, is the question. I find it easier to do her housework than mine for some strange reason!

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hello Mazy @Mazarita 🙂

Yay for the energy 🙂 Sorry about your rear end, I have different problems in that area - still entirely embarrassing and painful though. Isn't it sad to be grateful to get back to a good old smokers cough, 'cause a chest cold threatens to steal your last breath!

One half of my mind says 'Yay, good on your friend for being defiant' the other half says 'Poor thing, she's making life so much harder than it needs be', then there this like floating part of my mind that thinks if she's anything like me she doesn't do it on purpose, there's really nothing she can do about it. So I guess there's no Yay or pity, just maybe a little understanding.

I'm glad your psychologist sessions are good 🙂 and can only imagine how exhausting it is - not just the talking, more so the emotions. Those things seem to creep up and grab you when you least expect them to - deliberately poking and proding at them must take a lot of courage! Though I can see the benifits of it and absolutely hear you with the 'nameless' emotions. Often the greatest part of my 'confusion' is that I can tell I'm feeling something very intensely, but I can't put my finger on what, never loan give it a name. It usually ends up being anger or saddness, though I get times of intense gratitude as well; but during the 'confusion' it's like my brains still working on the chemicals to make up an actual emotion {if you understand my meaning?}

I'm glad you like hearing about my walks with the dogs, I've got another adventure to tell you about today actually. Today is the 3rd day in a row that I've gone into town, to the library, to pick up a movie; which I've gotten both an email and an automated phone call to tell me it has arrived and I need to collect it as soon as possible. Turns out that although I'd changed my details on the library computer, my card still has my old married surname on it; the librarian was looking under the wrong letter. So today I shed the last thread of a long shatter vow - every card, piece of paper and information about me, now bears MY name 🙂

Seeing as we were in town {AGAIN} I decided to go for a walk at the local sports ovals. It was midday and really the worst time of the day, heat wise, to walk. So instead of going into the cricket oval first, which is what I usually do there, as it has a fence with a gate I can close; I decide to go around the outside of the football field as it has trees around it, and shade. There's no fence around it, instead it has low bench seats surrounding it, which I think is a good idea - but it doesn't even cause the young fella a hop to go over them 🙂 The reason I don't go there very often is because it's pretty well in town, across the road there is a street of houses. I often notice a couple of large dogs there, as they often notice us - I can tell by how loudly they bark 🙂 Sometimes I feel sorry for them, though I'd say they get a lot of mental stimulation, watching the goings on on the sports fields - but I don't think they'd get out very often, I don't think they're the kind of dogs that you could take out for many walks - I think they're good guard dogs 😉 Well, I haven't wandered along the outside of these fields, but that's where the shade was, so I did. The good guard dogs were putting on a good show . . . and my young fella just couldn't resist it - he ran across the road and directly to their fence!! Luckily it was a good fence, when I think about it, that would be a neccessity, so there was no actual connection of any dogs - but it was really, really exciting for everyone involved! I must say I was a little proud of my young fella, sure he'd ignored my calls and continued on his merry way, but not one bark, growl or anything nasty came from him. Normally I wouldn't go to my young fella, I would wait until he returned to me {and usually give him a treat for doing so} but a young lady actually came out of the house when all the excitement began and I had to go and get him. She was really lovely and told me they were guard dogs {to be honest I don't remember what else was said}, I think basically we both stood there profusely apologizing to each other, until eventually I got the leads on both of mine, because by this stage the little fella had joined the show to {he made much more noise than the young fella!} - I finished all this excitement off with a run inside the fenced, closed gated, cricket field and then we came back home 🙂

I've got a bit of a theory about life, the Universe and everything. No matter how you look at it there doesn't seem to be any possible explaination for how it all began. What caused the Big Bang, where did God come from? Maybe there isn't anything, maybe there's just a void and everything we percieve as the really real is just a dreaming of that void.

Anyhow . . . enough raving. Hope your having a good day 🙂

Niqua.

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