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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I totally agree with your priorities there @Zoe7

@Bunniekins just went to chemist, bakery and woollies then came home. Had a good talk with her about things like cheaper car insurance, community and affordable housing options for the long term future, and what item numbers I'm being charged under for NDIS supports I'm having - sounds boring but it's all good info for me to have.

It's so good that you and your ex get on so well - so much better for the kids than any alternative. My adult child's father stopped talking to me the day they turned 18 (12 years ago).

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Adge and @Shaz51 spotted you both under the support button. How's your evening going?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth There are many regrets in our relationship .... it could have worked if I didn't get so sick and if my ex was more sympathetic and understanding about everything .... but we have agreed it is water under the bridge that we are now best friends. It takes alot of energy to bare a grudge I just don't have that in me. It kind of poisons me if you know what I mean.

eth I thave a question to ask if you don't mind?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Ask away @Bunniekins

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth I have this burden of guilt that my pdoc knows about and is concerned that I cannot let it go. She says it is in the past and I should let it go and not carry it any more but I feel I cannot until I tell my loved ones but if I do that it will possibly most likely change alot of things for the worse. So I bare the guilt because I don't want to hurt anyone even more than already have but it is a heavy burden and is slowly k1lling the pea. I am not sure what to do.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Bunniekins If you're up for it you could talk to me about it now - I'm all ears and in a good frame of mind and will try to help work out what to say or not say. Or if you don't want it to be seen by others here til you've got it sorted out in your mind you could start a new thread and tag me.

PS I've had similar issues myself.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth I will say it here but in a coded form as to not offend anyone . I value this medium and do not want to jeopadise my time here as I really need it as a life line or I will be sunk. Okay I have done something really bad which could break up my family as I have it today. Part of me wants to scream it out another part of me knows to keep quiet as I am the mother and have to take care of my kidults particularly son2 who is so vulnerable. My daughter thinks I am a saint .... I am no saint I am definately flawed.

Baring this guilt is so hard though it eats away at you but if I said anything omg it could have devestating results worse than what I am suffering now. It is like a gamble do I take a gamble and say something in the hope that the result will be understanding and forgiveness or say nothing and continue the way I am like being crucified by my guilt.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Bunniekins I don't want to answer too quickly or sound flippant at all. There are some things I've done that would be totally unacceptable to absolutely everyone. Even anonymously on the forums I could never tell anyone for the guilt and the shame. It all depends on your definition of 'bad'. Were you unwell at the time? Did you even know what you were doing (i.e. have insight about it at the time)? Were you still doing your best and meeting your family's needs in other ways. For me I have to choose carefully what to disclose or not, and I try to ask myself - how will this benefit others who I tell, what possible fall-out would there be if I do. Yes it's hard living with guilt and shame about what we've done when only we know, but telling some things and causing others to question your value on all levels as a result, and maybe think they can't depend on you when actually they can ... will only bring another level/type of guilt in the long run. It's such a hard issue to juggle. The older I get, and some things I've done still shock even me when I remember them, the less value I see in telling all the details of some events. My adult child and I have reached a status quo regarding disclosure and forgiveness and if I told certain experiences I had to them in detail it would rock that boat hard, possibly capsize it. So it becomes a matter of can you forgive yourself or somehow reconcile not telling as being the better of choices in some instances. The type of things I'm remembering here that I've done are still shocking, even to me, and my close people know me for who I am now, not who I was when I did those things. Touch wood I don't have another manic psychosis coz that's when the worst behaviours happened.

It's really hard to reconcile some events with the past, but you are here now, doing a wonderful job of parenting your kids despite lots of challenges involved.

Hope this is helpful and you've been able to wait for my reply.

PS even parents are allowed to have a private life! It doesn't feel like that when we are dedicated to raising kids with special needs because we lose our separate identity.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth Thanks eth it is a huge .... I mean Huge! comfort to me to know you understand the possible levels of guilt that I am feeling and you are right I was sick, very sick .... I had no idea what I was doing and it is only now that I can understand what happened but it is still unforgiveable nonetheless and yes I will somehow have to live with this guilt because it will be selfish of me to bring it all to the attention of the family just to get the burden off my shoulders.

Eth I wish we could meet up and I could tell you everything and you could give me a hug and tell me it is alright and that I am not a bad person just made mistakes because I have a mi and was so sick at the time etc etc

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

And I would @Bunniekins ! The hug that is. I guarantee you have done no worse than me, I actually can't even believe one of the things I did a few times is real yet I know it is. Bipolar psychosis is a b&%ch!!! I try to tell myself "That was B4 and this is B5!!"

We are older and wiser (ha ha sometimes!) and more able to retain insight even when we escalate - and for me I simply have to accept that my past was real, but my present is better. There are some things I will never forget or forgive myself for, some things I will never even remember or be able to put in a correct time frame, but I can learn to accept that's the way it is. I'm really glad you can be completely open with your psychologist. I can too about 99.9% and she's a life saver.

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