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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I am going through the process of changing the email (account) I use for the forum to something other than gmail for now @Mazarita. I don't know whether that may fix some of the issues I've been having but it would be interesting to find out.

How are you going this morning?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Well now, I have a long rave in me.

About 5am this morning the landline phone rang once and then stopped. When I got up later this morning and pressed star 10 hash to find out who had called, it was the phone number of the possible new friend I've been trying to meet up with for a few weeks. She also rang yesterday, and three times last week, just to 'see how I was'.

That is too many times for a new friend, I think, especially when I hadn't already returned her calls.

In the phone calls she has told me strange and horrible things. She told me her daughter was the trigger of all her anxiety and recited horrible things her daughter said to her when aged six years old. She then said because she (the woman) is psychic, she 'knows these things'. This made me wonder if her daughter actually said those horrible things to her, or her mother just thought she was psychic and could read her mind.

She further told me she was going to disinherit her daughter and give all her money to her nephew, who (two weeks ago) gave her unconditional love for the first time in her life. The way she told it, I wondered if she had only just met this nephew for the first time a couple of weeks ago. She told me her daughter is suffering now from post-natal depression and suggested she has other troubles. In other words, it sounds like the daughter really might need the inheritence from her mother (whenever that happens). Whereas the nephew (someone she told me owns a law firm), likely does not. I wanted to tell her to leave her money to her daughter, but didn't, too presumptuous and don't know the full story.

In her earlier phone call last week, she told me a truly horrific story about something that happened to her, it made me sick to hear it. It came completely out of the blue of another otherwise light conversation.

This woman and I met at the local mental health centre about 2 years ago. I've seen her rarely over that time, but several times I've bumped into her on the street. We have always been friendly and given each other a hug when we see each other (a precedent that was set earlier on at the mental health centre, where people fairly regularly hug each other).

I feel unsettled about this woman who now knows my phone numbers. I think she may be psychotic with her bipolar at present. She has only recently come out of hospital and told me the community mental health team are coming to see her this week and may possibly make her an involuntary admission to the psych ward again.

She is in her mid-60s and has had many admissions and many changes of name. She seems to have no friends at all, and hasn't had for a long time.

I don't know whether to cut contact at this point. I usually start friendships slowly, in an easygoing way. The full-on-ness of this woman is bothering me, as I don't think I could handle her degree of disturbance in person (she's never been full on like that when we met before I gave her my phone numbers). She's also regularly calling various people 'rubbish'.

She claims to be psychic and also said that psychics are not veangeful (she said this in relation to her daughter mentioned above). I have been close to a number of people who I believe are psychic to some degree, and sometimes think I may even be a little that way myself. I also know from experience that, for this kind of spiritual or mystical realm, it's important for it to be balanced and grounded in rationality as well. Otherwise it can go kind of wild and get outlandishly delusional. I am especially skeptical of psychics who say really bad things about people based on their 'psychic' perceptions (such as her daughter).

What do you all reckon? I don't want to hurt her, but she makes me feel a bit afraid to be honest. Will I be safe around this woman?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I think you trust your gut there @Mazarita. It definitely sounds like you have the insight and experience to know what's right for you at the moment and maybe this friendship is not right for you right now? It doesnt mean it won't ever be but perhaps it's best to wait a little while, until potential new friend is in a more settled place.

I met a few people at the break place, some I really hope to continue friendships beyond there, but there were a couple who are currently in a place that's more intense than what I feel is right for me at the moment in terms of friendship. I expect there may be people who'd feel the same about friendship with me also.

I can see the dilemma though and how your kindness makes you care about trying not to hurt her. That you mentioned feeling a bit afraid is a bit of an alarm maybe though.

Hugs. Tricky ❤

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Red flags all over the place @Mazarita. She seems to have no 'filter' - whether it's psychosis or just her personality I'd be avoiding any further contact. You don't need that level of drama in your life, let alone 5am phone calls. Glad you talked about it here. Hope you don't mind me being so blunt. Being psychic is one thing, bombarding someone is another thing all together. Caution my friend.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks, @CheerBear and @eth. I think you are right about perhaps waiting at least until she is a bit more settled. Didn't mention that she regularly tells me she loves me, even though we hardly know each other. She said that on pretty much the first day we met also. I like spreading the love around but I also don't want to invite a potential stalker into my life (she doesn't have the address of my place at present, though she's only about 10 minutes walk from my door). I guess I wanted to write the rave mainly to discover what my true 'gut instinct' is about it all. You are right that I have kind feelings towards her, even if she is someone who may cause trouble and complication in my life. But, also, I want to protect myself as I am very sensitive and easily rattled by people. I don't think I'll ring her back for now. Thanks for helping me clarify.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning @eth@Mazarita@CheerBear.

It would have been quite unusual to recieve those emails out of the blue. I've notified our tech team who are looking into it now. I'll keep you update on the outcome and just to keep the conversation all in one space, I'll respond over here.

Hopefully I have some solutions for your soon ☀️

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks for replying and looking into it @Former-Member 😊

It sounds like you did know that gut feeling already @Mazarita. I find it does really help sometimes to write it out, drop it off here (or anywhere) and then step back and see it.

I hope person gets whatever support they may need at the moment from the right people to provide it. Good on you for looking out for you ❤

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Time for me to sign out @Mazarita @CheerBear . Having a pow wow with sil in 15 minutes and leaving for the meeting in less than an hour. Hope this morning goes well for all here. And thanks for all the good wishes everyone.

Everything is feeling quite surreal.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

🤞 everything crossed @eth. Big breaths and looking forward to hearing how it goes.
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