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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Shaz51 Wishing you some of our sunshine Shaz51 🙂

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

So anyway @Bunniekins @Mazarita speaking of eccentric ......... ok I know we weren't but I'm doing a Mum-ism here ........ she has brought cheeses as gifts for everyone including someone she won't see until Thursday night ........one of the two she gave us was stinking high when opened....nuff said??

I just jumped right in there @outlander @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope Maz and GP coz that's what she does. While I was cooking dinner I popped my head into the lounge where bro and sil were with her and she was talking hard at sil about her perception of Jesus! ........... one night down and 2 to go!!! Needless to say we drank a little more than usual to get through it peacefully. I don't think she was aware of it.

Hoping someone is here to chat to.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hope it works really well for you @Faith-and-Hope very ambitious!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Sounds complicated @eth ..... well done that you all managed the evening.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @eth, at my friends place. Just had to reply to your mum stories. LOL!!! Will probably be on later if you are still around when I get home.

Hi everyone, won't tag yet because my mobile is so slow doing that. Great to read the chat though. A good remainder of the evening to all.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hello Everyone,

I've pretty much decided not to go ahead with my fencing project, though I still have ideas rumbling in the background of my head for a much simplier one; something that perhaps the young local lad could manage & going back to my original idea of doing it in smaller stages. I have decided to go with my gut which does not trust the fencer who has given me a quote, despite that quote being {just} under the number I had in mind. I have had alarm bells going off in my head since I first had contact with him. I asked for recommendations for experienced fencers on a local community website page, he was not recommended as such as he 'put his own hand up' & contacted me, instantly asking for me to give him a phone number so he could call. This was the opposite to the other fencers I had contacted, not one actually called me, all stated they were very busy, the 2 that had said they would come out & give me a quote, stopped all communication once I sent the details of the size & location of the job. The one who has given me a quote is actually the furthest away, stating he is not charging for travel. What I found really suspicious is that when I did a general search on his business I couldn't find any contact details, all I came up with was that it was a registered business with the ASIC & the year it was registered {that does not garantee an honest business deal}; & a facebook page that had no details what-so-ever. The quote that he gave me was not clear or easy to understand, when I asked for a quote for the entire job, the price that he gave, I then found out was without the materials & not including GST. I ended the call saying I would think about it & get back in contact with him. He rang again, not long after, saying he could get the materials at an extrememly good price; a price that seemed to good to be true {& you know what they say about that}, the catch was that it was only available for the next 2 days. By that stage the alarm bells in my head were getting so lound I could barely hear him on the other end of the line & I dared to ask some questions. I asked why his business wasn't advertised, he merely stated he hadn't advertised for years, I asked why the phone number wasn't listed, he didn't really answer instead he said if I thought something shady was going on that was fine, he was merely trying to help me out. I didn't say anything, but that made me . . . surprise, surprise . . . even more suspicious - why would a business, a couple of hours away from me, be so keen to help me out with my small job? I told him that I had seen his business was registered & the date of it's registration; he had previously been telling me that he had been fencing in the area for 30 years & had 4000 references he could give me, the date of registration was less than 10 years ago. He told me that was when he had to change from a business number (ABN) to a company number (ACN) because his business had grown so substantially. He mentioned a few large numbers. When he told me he would want %50 up-front [something that when I looked up whether I should pay money before completion, I discovered that in my state the most a contractor can ask before completing a job, when the value was in the bracket of mine - was %10] he told me a story of a $788 000 job he was 'burnt' on! When I asked what sort of contract he drew up, he sighed & said he didn't use contracts, that he had had a $440 000 job that wasn't contracted. It doesn't make sense to me that someone that had been through such financial 'burning' would continue to work without legally binding contracts.

It just does't add up for me. I have no business experience, I have never contrated services before & I think that's the main reason for my suspicions - I simply don't have enough knowledge to risk the amount of money involved. It's not a large amount of money, but it's a large amount of all I have.

Yep . . . my decision is final. Tomorrow I will Thank him for the time & effort he put into the quote & let him know I have decided not to go ahead with my fencing project.

Phew! . . . Thank goodness for that!!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Exoplanet my gut instinct is the same as yours on this and I don't think you actually need to have any further contact with him at all. Hope you can work it out with the 'young local lad'.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @outlander, just checked out your big day on the 'daily goals' thread. Wow, what a day. Sorry you had to deal with people thinking bad things about your work. Did you have a breakin? Sounds like it wasn't an easy day, but you got a lot done, which is great. Really glad your computer is finally fixed.

Hi @Shaz51, good to hear your computer is working better. Hope the printer was just the leads and that it is working too by now. You also had a big day working. Hope your sugar levels are okay.

Hi @Faith-and-Hope, congratulations on starting your course! Fabulous. Really glad you are doing it!

Hi @Bunniekins, good to hear you fitted in a walk before the rain set in. Wonder what music you were listening to.

Hi @eth, your stories of your mum were funny. Sounds like you have made the most of the night. May the rest of the time with her go smoothly.

Hi @Exoplanet, your reasoning seems sound to me. Good idea to back away from that fencer. But your idea of going back to the original plan with young fellow. That might work, even if slower. Good on you for making a decision. That clears away some of the anxiety of doubt. You have taken control and know what you are doing. Hope that there has been some time in your days to relax a little from the worry. I imagine you might be missing your cat and hurting from that. Sending hugs and love and hopeful visions of things becoming easier for you soon.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

the paddock had a break in @Mazarita but its out of my hands now. i just notified the owners and they are dealing with it. hopefully its all sored by tomorrow and the rusbbish is all removed from people throwing it out of the sheds and things

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hey @Mazarita still here. How was your night?

@outlander sorry to hear about the drama at work.

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