New to the Forum....looking to connect.

Hi There.

I'm new and my 1st post needed to be rephrased so this will replace it.

I'm a constant battler against anxiety and depression. I do not believe life has enough happy moments in it.

I've made poor choices in my life and am paying the penalty.

I've never attained independence.

I have a scientific and analytical mind that prefers black and white problems that you can draw a line in the sand to.

I have never known what career I should be in.

I'm now an older mature age student at university.

I have a constant battle with negative thoughts.

I haven't been ok or "happy" for many years and don't believe I ever will be.

I compare myself to the average, "normal" person and I want everyone to like me.

I'm only supposed to say 3 random things! Sorry.

I have a few issues but here is one problem I have battled with for most of my life that I hope will connect with someone....

I have a body dysmorphia issue with low self esteem and an inferiority complex....Pimples and acne on my face has run my life ever since I was a teenager. I used to think it would go away when I got older but it never did. However, I do know that my perception of myself and what others think is not correct but I have not been able to change my thought pattern. I would stay home, safe and secure on my own when I could, but, when work or social comittments came I would try to avoid people whereever possible. I would wear a hat and keep my face down. As a male I did not want to wear makeup. However the pain of having to go out into people land forced my hand and so I used my mother's makeup to cover up as best I could without looking like I had makeup on...incidently I still don't know how to choose the correct tone. For years my skin condition ran my life until I ran into a medication that was prescribed to me for neuropathic pain but I found it was an excellent anti-histamine and it seems to help my face significantly so that I have far less days of stress. It also has an effect on lactic acid build up in that if you went to the gym and worked out on naive muscle, the next day there was no aching pain. It also stopped my eczema. One other thing however....It is also what I used for other purposes. About a month after that and slow recovery I requested to go back on this medication for my facial break outs and continue taking it to this day. I never told the doctors why I wanted to take it. The important thing that I found is that on you-tube videos I saw many people with much worse acne than I ever had and my heart broke for them. It also made me realise that it could be worse...but it has not stopped my negative thinking. If your a women and you have acne is being able to cover up any consolation? What do people think when they see someone with bad skin? I only feel so sorry for people and wonder how they cope.