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Everything's a mess

LolaPunkContributor06 Sept 2019, 12:43 am AEST

Everything's a mess

Hi,

My life is such a mess right now. So many things are going wrong and I don't know how to fix things.

My partner doesn't understand money, he just keeps racking up more and more debt and then can't understand why we can't afford to live. We are on the verge of losing our home and we have a 4 year old daughter to care for.

The problem is that my partner has always relied on his Mum to financially support him but she can no longer afford to because over the years he lived excessively and he helped spend all her money ( she was quite wealthy). Now she suddenly has no money but he still spends like crazy and then can't pay his share of rent and bills. I don't know what to do. It's not like I can just demand to take care of his wage.

I am also struggling to stop drinking. Alcohol is so destructive but with all the problems we have, I have trouble coping and turn to the bottle.

My anxiety is through the roof and unfortunately I have been using alcohol to deal with that too. I have to find a way to stop.

My partner also gets stressed a lot and yells constantly, mainly at the dog ..It creates so much stress for everyone.

I have very little family and none that are close. I see my brother a couple of times a year and that's about it. I spend most days taking care of my 4 year old, so I am isolated at home and don't know anybody anymore , so I have no one to talk to except my partner's Mother but all she cares about is herself.

Sometimes I think about leaving but 1/ My daughter is extremely attached to her Dad and would be devastated without him

2/ I do still love him even though he is often difficult

3/ I can't afford to leave anyway and have nobody to stay with either

I should probably look for some Counselling but I am hesitant because I have had so many bad experiences, also I would need to find someone free as obviously money is an issue.

My partner has become very unwell mentally too. He hears voices and thinks people are talking about him, which makes him angry.

4 replies

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In response to: Everything's a mess

BunniekinsSenior Contributor06 Sept 2019, 2:13 am AEST

Re: Everything's a mess

@LolaPunk Hi LolaPunk and welcome to the forum :). When I was married my ex would spend up big on the credit card and it got us into so much debt it was ridiculous (it contributed to destroying our marriage). I am also and have been for some time off the booze as I have a problem with it and have promised my daughter I wont drink (so I understand where you are coming from there).

It sounds like your partner needs help. Do you have a trusted gp that you can speak to regarding your concerns? That would be my first point of call. There are free packages called BOMBH which you can get through your gp. They give you about 10 free psychologist appointments a year it is worth while looking into for your partner. Also I would be making enquiries with the Salvos regarding counselling for marriage and financial difficulties.

You are definitely not alone in this. I hope I have helped a bit and please keep in touch with us and let us know how you are going. peax

In response to: Everything's a mess

CheerBearSenior Contributor08 Sept 2019, 7:45 am AEST

Re: Everything's a mess

Hi @LolaPunk and welcome to the forum. Wondering how you've been doing since you posted?

It sounds like you have so much stress in your life. Stress is a huge trigger for me and my anxiety (and other things) can get out of control when there's big stuff going on for me.

It would be really difficult for you to be looking after yourself, your daughter, your partner and everything else that comes with having a family, especially without much support. It's great that you're thinking about accessing some counselling. It can be hard to take that step, particularly when we've had bad experiences in the past, but it can help a lot. Do you have a GP you can talk to about what's going on? They can help you access subsidised counselling services and support for your drinking. It might also be worth talking with them about what's going on with your partner's mental health and anger too as that sounds very hard.

Hope you're looking after yourself with all that's going on for you (though I get how tricky that can be sometimes).

In response to: Re: Everything's a mess

LolaPunkContributor09 Sept 2019, 10:19 pm AEST

Re: Everything's a mess

Thanks so much for your support and sharing your experience .Also, awesome work getting off the booze, it's not easy.

My partner refuses to get any help, there's always some excuse...as for me, yes I think if I find a good therapist, I'll start heading more in to the right direction. The trick is always in how to find a good one because alternatively, a bad experience could completely derail me, as the past has shown me. So I'm a bit apprehensive ( about therapy)but I need to find some way out of this hell.

In response to: Re: Everything's a mess

LolaPunkContributor09 Sept 2019, 10:27 pm AEST

Re: Everything's a mess

Thank you @CheerBear . Yes, you are right. Stress is the biggest issue for me currently.

For example, often if we go shopping as a family, my daughter will have one of her temper tantrums because she wants something, meanwhile my partner will be yelling at a complete stranger because he thinks they are talking about him. It's horrific and mortifying ...

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