OCD and Anxiety are destroying my life

Thanks for rewriting your post @2qwerty. I understand the breathing thing, I used to hate meditation because as soon as it told me to breath it's like I instantly forgot how to, and I hyperventilated and started to panic. I don't know how it changed, I think doing guided meditation with my psychologist helped, but I totally understand why it may not be for you. It doesn't always work/help and sometimes I can't quiet my mind (stupid ocd), but it helps sometimes.

The medication thing is tough. I was resistant, but I almost didn't survive Post Natal depression, so I decided to try. I understand your concerns, your feelings are valid.

Have you spoken with a psychiatrist about your feelings about medication?

What else works for you? Exercise? Hobbies/other distractions?

Hi @2qwerty

Just wanted to pop in an apologise that your original post was picked up by our spam filter. This was an accident completely and we are investigating any glitch around why that may have happened and we really appreciate you rewriting your post.

It looks like you are getting some wonderful support here. Medication is such a tricky thing and very personal to each individual. I understand your personal feelings around it though. Like @Molliex said have you mentioned these concerns to any of your medical professionals?

Here with you as you work through things ✨

@Molliex

I haven't seen a psychiatrist for a long time, not since I was about 17-18, and they were in the process of selecting a medication for my OCD when I was pulled out of the sessions. It cost my parents too much money, we got into a big fight about my not trying hard enough, so I told them in anger, fine, cut me off then. So, they did. For the best though, the medicine never would have helped, only burdened me until now. I've struggled to find a psychiatrist in the area that I am A: comfortable with (not a middle aged man) and B: has availability, there's always months and months of waiting.
Whether things work, but denial usually works from video games, internet, distraction. If I don't think about it, it's not there.

@Former-Member It's alright, I think I understand why, the formatting wasn't very good and it looked to be poor quality, I think not adding capitals to some lines, and some poor spacing made it look like a junk message.

That sounds like it was really tough @2qwerty. If only we could 'try' our mental health problems away.

Do you have a decent GP? Mine was able to recommend me to a good psychologist. He's helping find a psychiatrist next. I don't know how I feel about it, but I'm willing to go along and listen anyway.

If you haven't seen someone for so long, maybe it's worth getting an appointment for a few months away?At least it's there if you need it.

What games do you like playing? I wish I had more time for it.

@Molliex

My parents never understood. They were so angry that I didn't just "stop" being "that way" and I was so angry, they thought it was so simple and I was behaving that way on purpose. I didn't know what was happening. I just knew I was terrified of everything. Like it was a sick game, or something. They seemed to imagine therapy as the same as dropping your car off at the mechanic. When I came back still broken they were furious, we took you to the place, paid money and you're STILL not right?! When does it stop? Why does she keep doing that?

When I got a referral to a counsellor, my dad stormed into the room with me, sat on the couch and angrily started listing out the things he wanted "fixed," While slamming his hands together. The way I ate, the things I didn't do, the things I DID do...They were all obsessions and things I still do now, in my thirties. A $80 medicare counsellor wasn't going to stop it, he wasn't going to stop it...but he was convinced it was an easy and obvious fix. And when I didn't do my part? They didn't know how to handle it. No one close in my life has understood or accepted it. No one could have forseen it, or fixed it.

I haven't found a GP that I like, I try different people nearly every time I need to see a doctor and they usually are dismissive of my concerns. Whether they are to do with this, or another physical concern. I did get another referral for a psychologist, to swap over from who I see now but I've not actioned it yet. I sit on referrals and take a long time to get anywhere. I have a feeling it'll be much the same, no one has a magic button or phrase that's going to blow my mind and make everything work. I just hope that one day something comes along, that is easy and so clear...but it doesn't exist. It never did. There's no magic fix, or people would be happier already.

I play a lot of playstation games, RPGs, adventure, horror, platformers...I often drop off and get bored/overwhelmed with it and then come back over and over. Lately I've gotten into choose your adventure stuff, like Until Dawn, Detroit Become Human, Man of Medan. Cause you can replay and change the story over and over. You can perfect it, get all the trophies and master something. Or the Sims 4, if I'm on a PC. I lose motivation on games or projects super fast. I also have a collection of Lego but I don't really have a place to build, and lose focus on it very quickly. I try to force myself to enjoy things but I don't really feel like I have a place to do them.

UGH! Again I'm marked as spam. Getting a bit tiresome. Is there no way to restore my posts? I had it copied but lost it.

edit, i think my original post has been restored above @Molliex

Hi @2qwerty

I'm sorry your post keeps getting marked as spam - that is incredibly frustrating! I just wanted to let you know that I have restored your posts.

I hope this doesn't happen again for you!

Kindest Regards,

Amour_Et_Psyché