Unknown userMember
How to start living again?
Hello,
It took about a year until my first bipolar 2 diagnosis (waiting for a second opinion, I don't trust my first psych) and I am still at the beginning to learn to live with bipolar, treatment for childhood trauma and PTSD, depression and anxiety - quite a freightening little list.
When I first started this journey I expected RECOVERY. I dismissed medication, psychiatrists and anything that even slightly suggested there was something wrong with me (well I still do lol). I thought it's like a broken foot, you fix it, it hurts for a while, you do a little Physio therapy and soon it seems it has never happened... Things have changed, goal posts have changed. I got so low in the last couple of months that my goal changed to SURVIVAL. Learning steps to keep me alive, learning to remember why I am here, why I want to stay here. Accepting that I need help - and need to take this seriously. Learning to breathe, when to take extra meds, when to get more support...
I have a lot of unresolved areas in my life, but I am also very very lucky for having a husband, who is my teenage sweetheart (and I think would just say to the psych - she's always been like that, what's wrong - lol, if he knew) a supportive son, now a great medical team (took a while), support in this forum and I mantained my job during the acute phase - well not sure if I am through that or have even had a glimpse at it to be honest.
I was always a value driven, goal setting person. At the moment my whole focus is on my mental health and staying in my job (sole earner). I am trying to expand my focus on spending more time with my husband, getting a little more healthy again (my exercise has gone down to zero and I put 20kg on) and I try and stay in touch with my son. I feel guilty to neglect my entire family and ignoring the split feelings I have for the lot (all) of them, any development in my career, any hobbies, interests... no consideration for spiritual development or my split feelings to religion and I do not initiate contact with friends.
I feel I am losing valuable time in my life, I feel like I may miss opportunities to spend time with my loved ones (the ones I don't want to talk to at the moment because they remind me of the past). I am scared to lose people and not have made the most of their living times (I have lost a LOT of people on my life) - I am scared to live with regrets one day - that the past got hold of me and some weird name of mental illness changed everything I ever valued in my life.
How do you start to get your life back?
I have learnt the hard way that tomorrow may never come and that everything in life can change in an instant. I feel so vulnerable and such a waste of time not to honour my time on this earth. I am in awe to age and be able to live in this beautiful country and all the lovely people I know - and here I am hiding because I lost myself in myself.
How do I get back to a new me? I think the old me is probably gone for good?
How did you "reinvent" yourself?!
It took about a year until my first bipolar 2 diagnosis (waiting for a second opinion, I don't trust my first psych) and I am still at the beginning to learn to live with bipolar, treatment for childhood trauma and PTSD, depression and anxiety - quite a freightening little list.
When I first started this journey I expected RECOVERY. I dismissed medication, psychiatrists and anything that even slightly suggested there was something wrong with me (well I still do lol). I thought it's like a broken foot, you fix it, it hurts for a while, you do a little Physio therapy and soon it seems it has never happened... Things have changed, goal posts have changed. I got so low in the last couple of months that my goal changed to SURVIVAL. Learning steps to keep me alive, learning to remember why I am here, why I want to stay here. Accepting that I need help - and need to take this seriously. Learning to breathe, when to take extra meds, when to get more support...
I have a lot of unresolved areas in my life, but I am also very very lucky for having a husband, who is my teenage sweetheart (and I think would just say to the psych - she's always been like that, what's wrong - lol, if he knew) a supportive son, now a great medical team (took a while), support in this forum and I mantained my job during the acute phase - well not sure if I am through that or have even had a glimpse at it to be honest.
I was always a value driven, goal setting person. At the moment my whole focus is on my mental health and staying in my job (sole earner). I am trying to expand my focus on spending more time with my husband, getting a little more healthy again (my exercise has gone down to zero and I put 20kg on) and I try and stay in touch with my son. I feel guilty to neglect my entire family and ignoring the split feelings I have for the lot (all) of them, any development in my career, any hobbies, interests... no consideration for spiritual development or my split feelings to religion and I do not initiate contact with friends.
I feel I am losing valuable time in my life, I feel like I may miss opportunities to spend time with my loved ones (the ones I don't want to talk to at the moment because they remind me of the past). I am scared to lose people and not have made the most of their living times (I have lost a LOT of people on my life) - I am scared to live with regrets one day - that the past got hold of me and some weird name of mental illness changed everything I ever valued in my life.
How do you start to get your life back?
I have learnt the hard way that tomorrow may never come and that everything in life can change in an instant. I feel so vulnerable and such a waste of time not to honour my time on this earth. I am in awe to age and be able to live in this beautiful country and all the lovely people I know - and here I am hiding because I lost myself in myself.
How do I get back to a new me? I think the old me is probably gone for good?
How did you "reinvent" yourself?!
