Can people really see me?

Hi @bleu

You're up late ... I don't know whether that's a regular thing for you, being a bit of a night owl, but even if you just want company tonight, most of our night owls hang out on the Night Shift thread. You can find it under the Lived Experience Forum - Enjoying time with others - Night Shift.

And yes, they do understand what you're going through.

I'm trying to head off to sleep now. It's been a really long day and I'm still up ... 🙂 ... but I have seen that @Mazarita is up and about (hi Mazarita) and I think @Decadian is too. You will likely find them on Night Shift now.

Take care. We give virtual hugs a lot here.

Hi @bleu

Rest assured Bleu - no one can read your mind - and if you are bi-polar - it is a cruel thing to say -

I have the gift or skill to read between the lines when people write as in these forums but not in an invasive way - and I have found this to be very useful for over years I am able to discern what people are getting at

So - don't worry about - if a person has a gift that they can read a person's face or body language - or read between the lines - then I can say for myself at least - I am not intrusive - I don't set out to figure someone else out - only what they are writing about

So here's the thing - people who imagine they can "read people" in the sense that they can read your mind - they are most likely way off - so please don't let them unsettle you

You deserve better - I have never read anything you wrote until tonight - and I can only read the words on the page

Decadian

Hi @bleu Hugs to you.

I have had a lot of issues about being seen and being invisible .. both and in a general way. So your post really resonated with me. My mother used to say I wore my heart on my sleeve. It annoyed her, and it may have made me easy to read in the sense that people might have picked a bit of my hurt.

What I do know after 30 years of therapy and working on myself, is that most people can only guess, and that a lot of the time they were over confident about their people skills and actually said things to me that were way off the mark. Now I realise those things were actually about themselves and were projected onto me .. as they didnt know squat about me .. but were just throwing their weight around socially. Problem is I usually figured it out a decade or 2 after the incident ... so wasnt able to right the situation in the moment .. but better late than never.

I agree with @Decadian about body language and that it was a bit cruel to pass you by.

I have felt a deep longing to be accepted by family members who never cared. I am working on letting those desires for a happy family to go. It is very human to want caring friends and family, but sometimes we are better off without them if they are not good for us.

Take care

Apple

Hi @bleu,

I too have the bipolar diagnosis and have had people tell me I'm fickle when really I've mostly just been suffering from extreme social anxiety and quite unaware of any lack of consistency in my heart. I also still remember an incident decades ago when someone told me I wear my heart on my sleeve. This was after baring all as a vulnerable 17 year old performer in a folk music cafe. Well, duh, when you are performing like that, sure you are going to wear your heart on your sleeve. It was really part of the point of doing it, creatively sharing something intimate with other people. It really hurt me for some reason though that this cocky guy felt he could be so superior about it. I think it was his way of getting one over me really.

I agree with the previous thoughts about people being less able to 'read' each other than they sometimes think. And that it can really be a kind of arrogance to think you can 'read' another person to a huge extent, invasive too. Even if they do get ideas about you from what they say they 'read' from you, I also agree that this is often a projection of their own dislikes about themselves, or whatever, and often not intended all that kindly or helpfully when it comes down to it. In other words, their problem, not yours.

Another welcome to the forum.

Hi everyone,

thank you so much for all the replies...

@Faith-and-Hopei was having problems sleeping for the past few nights and i was just so tired and so tired being so active. yup i am having that at the moment.

@Decadian i find it odd and annoying because they call me a contradictory person. only one of them know i suffer from bipolar but even that person cant understand why i contradict my actions. I tell them i am not thinking what they thought i was thinking but that person still attempts to correct me .. that frustrates me. i have started to just leave them be to think what they think but when i forget we get into annoying conversations. but these people are very considerate so i highly doubt their ability to read me becaue i have been extremely unhappy for a few months and i dont think they could see it. if they did, then no one acted on it.

@Appleblossom i totally agree with you. i have found a lot of times i am not thinking what i am claimed to be thinking it is just them saying what they interpret out of what they saw and vise versa i do the same. but i still feel hurt. especially when they try to correct me. and i too am trying to let go of some friends in the past but my thoughts of them have surfaced as i bumped into them recently and they pretended to not know me. i keep thining. why did you ditch me? what did i do? why cant i stop mssing them? long story short they ditched me during my last relapse and i lost my mind a bit, i cant remember things properly of that time and they wont talk to me. 😞

@Mazarita yes! i have issues being just one person constantly... i sometimes drink too much coffee when i dont sleep well so i'm a bit too hyper. or for a bit i was on a high and did a bit of implsive shopping andthey say sometimes i am too hard to understand. but most of the time we have great time together and do a variety of activites. its just when i am having a hard time being socially normal it makes them question the chioces i make at those times and my ability to be 'responsible'. SIGHHHHHHHH

but does suffering from mental conditions make it hard for people who dont suffer them understand those who dont? like we dont have a pattern to our action and we can change in a moment and go back to our usual selves?

@bleu, I drink too much coffee too, am trying to cut it back at the moment, sometimes successfully, sometimes not. I know coffee is not helpful to me for the most part, but knowing and doing are two different things. It's great that most of the time you have a great time with your friends and do various activities. Sounds a bit more than I can say for myself really. I do think that having mental health issues can make it difficult for other people to understand us at times. I try to be tolerant and understanding of their point of view too these days. Seems to help me and them when I can do that.

Hi @bleu

Welcome to these forums - I am a fairly new member too so I don't know if other people are new yet or not

These people - who seem intent on misunderstanding you - boy!! do I know?!

I know it's frustrating - I was wronly diagnosed with bi-polar about a year after my son died - so far off the mark - I was grieving and I would pull myself together and then fall apart - and pull myself together and fall apart

My family did not understand and didn't want to talk about it and so I must ask - these people who are giving you a hard time - how important are they to you - are you talking about your family because family are the hardest people to deal with - and they are the people who we most want to understand

And there are people with well-worked but uninformed ideas - I know

And I would guess I have some years on you - and today I am feeling so grateful for the people in the Sane Forums because I have never really had the chance to tell people in my family what the problems of my life are

And the reason is that they already have their minds made up - no one discusses such issues - to them there is no point

I do feel for you - battling away in a one-sided conversation - does it feel to you as if you are yelling your lungs out for acceptance while everyone stares at you in a strange way

Because - I really do understand this - I don't know what to do about it - but yes - I get it

Decadian

And hey - you are not alone

@Mazarita tolerant is the key here.. I feel when i am in a calm mood i can understand they are just people that are overly confident in themselves and they arent the friends i would go to and speak my heart out to so it does not matter.. Well its just 2 people of the group.. But i find it fascinating some people can be so confident of their 'intuition' they correct people based on they are right abd the person actually feeling it is wrong

@Decadianyou pretty much nailed it on the screaming out for acceptance.. I was talking to my psych abd she described it like that when i opened up myself to one of them and still i was being told by that person i lacked honesty to myself and self awareness.. So as much as i feel comfprtable around them i just dont think they are the type to understand people most of the time. We have friends of all sorts and to be honest.. Since i was last ditched i have put up a barrier to people i open up to.. I live a life where i am fully open to psychs and another where i am what i am with family and friends.. I doubt i will evr find a partner mainly because i fear being ditched again in a possible future relapse

I just spent the whole day dleeping again dread waking up

Hi @bleu, what I liked about your last post was that you can balance out some of the issues with your friends and not just completely reject, except where there seems to be a real need for boundaries. Sorry you are going through the pain of sleeping so much. I know that experience very well, having gone through a stage where I slept about 20 hours a day for several months. Just want to maybe give you some hope by letting you know that I have since come out of that. I have broken sleep now but my quality of life is so much better than it was then. Things don't have to be perfect for there to be some enjoyment in life. Also wanted to let you know that I have had relationships fail due to my mental illness in the past. But, since I turned 40, I've been in a long relationship that shows no signs of ending. We celebrated 13 years not so long ago. He's seen me go through lots of mental health flare ups (to put it mildly), but has stuck with me. If my experience is anything to go by, there is hope for the future for you too. I hope you won't completely give up on the possibility of a relationship if it's something you feel you want. Wishing you well.