New to being a Carer, I’m in over my head

@Razzle Hi Razzle sorry to hear that times are so tough for you atm. I went through similar circumstances as to what you are currently going through a number of years ago now. I was totally manic and insane with undiagnosed schizoaffective disorder. My son2 was violent and menancing at home. My ex was having an affair with his now girlfriend. My daughter and son1 both had depression plus daughter was coming out as transgender. We were totally broke. Everything was on top of me. I had no house and was couch surfing at my mothers.

Now I look back and wonder how I survived it..... but I did and have become stronger because of it. You will survive this. It is a passing phase and you will be okay. A bit battle scarred but okay.

You have us here to talk with whenever you want. It will be alright in the end I promise. peaxxx

Thanks @Bunniekins I still feel like I’m trapped. My husband has been messaging me flat out today, he is missing me and finding it tough on his own, about as tough as I find it being with him I suppose.

Mum has been more lucid today, but each day is different, just when I think things are getting better she’ll wake up terribly confused and the roller coaster starts all over again.

She was up 4 times last night, and every other night for the past week. She had only been getting up twice for the last few weeks, so I’m really starting to feel fatigued.

I usually wake during the night when she gets up, she goes to the toilet and can’t find her way back to bed. Once she’s back in bed she falls asleep straight away, but I’m wide awake and can’t get back to sleep for a while, and then the anxiety kicks in which makes it near impossible to sleep.

Somehow, I think things are only going to get worse before they get better.

@outlander Yes getting a diagnosis has been a bit of a battle, I’ve been trying to get it done for over 2 years. When she was last in hospital her Dr finally told me she had vascular dementia.

There is a very good dementia nurse at the hospital, and I have been going to monthly dementia seminars put on by this nurse in conjunction with Alzheimer’s Australia which has been helpful. There is a seminar tomorrow I’m going to that is all about Carers.

I started the process of My Aged Care and those packages around 18 months ago. She was cleared for level 1 pretty quick and has just been cleared for level 2, just waiting on the paper work to come through so she has been getting some services already.

I think I just get overwhelmed with everything else that is going on. Now that I’ve seperated from my husband I’m left to do it all on my own. And now that I’ve lost my councillor and all the trust I had in him I feel like there is no one to vent to. I actually miss my councillor the most, I’ve never really had anyone in my corner, but I did feel like he had my back - after the drama that went down a couple of weeks ago I don’t feel like he has any regard for me whatsoever.

It seems when I need help the most, it’s during the night or later in the day/evening when there’s no one available. Dementia is a hard road to navigate and I’m feeling my way in the dark most of the time.

@outlander It took months and months to be able to tell my councillor my whole story. During that time I was physically sick, the whole thing was a nightmare, I don’t think I can do it all again - I would be starting from scratch and I don’t think I’m strong enough to go there again.

I saw a councillor 13 years ago when I lost my son in a car accident. I stopped going after only a few visits. She used to write lots of notes, but when she said my sons name she always said the wrong name - like saying Carl instead of Kyle (not his real name but you get the gist). I would correct her, she’d apologise - then the very next time she’d say his name she’d say the wrong name again. How can you possibly take that many notes and still get it wrong?

Before we got this particular marriage councillor we had a woman that was only for the interim until we got an actual marriage councillor - and she always got mixed up and would call me by my SIL’s name - the woman that put us into counciling in the first place.

I’m really starting to find it hard to trust councillor’s full stop at the moment. Besides, I’m from a small rural town and there aren’t any local. As it was, sometimes I had to travel 540kms round trip to see this last one and that’s now impossible with mum and the situation I find myself in.

Thanks @outlander It gives me something to think about, just working on some issues instead of all of them. I think my biggest hurdle to overcome right now is trust, and trusting another councillor is a big ask for now

Hearing you, and feeling for you @Razzle . It took me a while to start up again with a new counsellor’s after we moved to another state, because it has meant going through my story all over again, and I just wasn’t up for it .... but heartbreaking changes are slowly occurring, which is what happens with dementia too, and I knew it was time to seek that sort of support again. The good ones are out there.

I agree with @outlander, it might be worth starting with “smaller” more immediate issues when seeking support and see how that goes, just letting the counsellor know that you do have a big back-story, but you are not able to discuss it until you have established a strong trust relationship with a counsellor. If they are worth their salt, they will u derstand that principle well.

Sending virtual hugs and lots of care ..... ❣️