gensysNew Contributor
Hello! This is totally new for me.
I don’t usually talk about this stuff— ever— with anyone. So it’s a massive thing for me to do this, but here we go!
I have never really addressed the traumatic things, and abuse that’s happened to me. I’ve always suppressed it— not worried about it too much.
That was until last night. Last night I was watching some YouTube. The video did have trigger warning but I dismissed it. Usually I don’t get triggered but abuse was brought up and it triggered me— I started crying, and needed to listen to music to ground myself again.
That’s never happened to me before.
But I’ve started to think on the other things that have happened that might be connected— and I just didn’t realise.
Sometimes, but not often, I get auditory hallucinations, too, but it’s never anything bad. But most of the time I feel it coming, my body sort of feels tingly, and sometimes my body movements that should be natural feel foreign, and my thoughts get super loud and everything feels noisy and busy and fast. Sometimes I can block it out and continue what I’m doing, other times I have to stop.
It doesn’t bother me too much when it happens, it hasn’t happened in awhile.
However, something else happened a few months back that I haven’t experienced before. I was laying in bed, and I started to feel weightless, like my body slipped away. Like my consciousness was just floating? But I was still fully aware. It wasn’t a dream.
I saw a flash image of in my mind of two people. A woman with long dark hair was sitting down hugging her knees next to her was a man with blonde hair.
He said, ‘Hey! Are you hungry?’
I heard him in my mind clear as day. He had an American accent which I remember thinking was kinda cool.
And I said, ‘Yeah! A little bit...’
And then I realised I was having a conversation with someone in my head and pulled myself out of that headspace and started freaking out. I could hear the woman speaking too, but she was so quiet that I couldn’t make out what she was saying.
It felt real, and for some reason I think I know his name? I feel like his name is Matt for whatever reason. It hasn’t happened since— and I haven’t heard him since then. But never in my life have I seen those people before.
But its these weird things that happen that make you feel a little bit crazy at times, hence why I don’t speak about it.
I don’t really know where I was going with this, lol, but it feels good to get it out at least!
I haven’t sought out any professional help because I’m not entirely sure that I need to?
Maybe it’s all connected but maybe not.
Anyways. Whoever stuck around and read my wall of text— thank you! Has anyone else experienced something similar? If so, please share your story with me!
It’s all so hard to explain properly, but hopefully someone gets it.
Thanks for reading guys! ❤️
