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i feel so alone

surgery1Casual Contributor17 Sept 2014, 7:46 pm AEST

i feel so alone

I have been with my partner just over 2 years.It was love at first sight for both of us.He was very upfront about his schizophrenia,
It took me a few months to understand what living with this illness meant to both of us
About once a month he would "LOSE IT" and disappear to a mates for a few days.
It came to a head when I tried to talk him down once and it ended up with the police being involved .
To the outside world he is the sole of the party and I am the wicked witch, which I am strong enough to deal with.
Last week I went to hospital for surgery ,there were complications ,but he had left his phone at a friend's and did not pick up til the next morning,by that time I had sent him several messages basically telling him to leave ,which he did while I was in hospital.
I feel like I'm being selfish ,but I am so angry that this one time he wasn't there for me I feel let down..
I also feel guilt as he really has nowhere to go and will stop taking medication ,he will go into a downward spiral.
My friends and family don't understand the illness ,so look at me as a down trodden woman and say that leaving him is the best thing I could do....
I really feel so confused. .

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In response to: i feel so alone

CherryBombSenior Contributor24 Sept 2014, 8:54 pm AEST

Re: i feel so alone

Hi surgery1,

How are you doing? Recovered from the operation? How's things with your bf?

I hope you are well.

In response to: i feel so alone

surgery1Casual Contributor24 Sept 2014, 9:39 pm AEST

Re: i feel so alone

Hi cherrybomb,I'm recovering well thanks,just small steps at the moment.
Sorry I could not make it to the forum on Tuesday ,have read through the comments ,they really make me think about my situation and how little I have understood about his illness.
He gets really off when I ask questions about his moods,aggression,feelings.etc.it's as if it's not manly to talk about these things.
I now see how little we have communicated ,and just accepted what was happening.
I have not seen my partner for over 2 weeks,we passed a few texts back and forward .to date he hasn't asked how I am or apologized...I think he thinks I am in the wrong .haven't heard anything in over a week now. think it has gone too far this time.i do love him deeplybut I am still hurting and need to take care of myself at the moment.

In response to: Re: i feel so alone

CherryBombSenior Contributor24 Sept 2014, 10:01 pm AEST

Re: i feel so alone

Hi surgery1,

Glad to hear that you're on the mend, and looking after yourself both physically and emotionally.

It sounds like having some distance to reflect on your relationship has given you some new insights. This is one beauty of relationships. Whether they end or continue, you can discover and learn new things later down the track. Sometimes even years later.

It seems like reading over Topic Tuesday gave you some clarity about your relationship in terms of acceptance and communication. Are you finding that your expectations of relationships have changed?

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