Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Oh @Former-Member I really feel for you for all that traumatic time ❣

Yes, that was a horrendous load to place on a small community, as you say, and the reverberations are still happening, obviously. You are doing a really great job of leaving it here in this generation and not allowing it to roll forward, on your watch at least, by using your faith and positivity to overwrite it with something better ❣

So proud of you .... if it's okay for me to say that to you ❣

Thank you for your empathy with my struggles ...... rather than one traumatic event, there are just oceans of smaller ones, but the over all effect is overwhelming at times. To some degree we are just treading water where we are, holding our breaths, waiting for the breakthrough we need to be able to take up our life again. I am so glad we have so much to focus on this year, with the special birthdays and the wedding coming up, because the inertia can creep in if you don't take steps to stop it from happening.

I hear you that this is one of your struggles ......

The forums are helping me keep my focus too, and if something I can say helps someone else, it gives greater meaning to what we are going through, if that makes sense.

Need to head off to sleep shortly.

Take care, my friend 🌷💗💕

@Former-Member

Your girl leaving this life wasn't your fault ..... neither was the fact that $*%=\€ had access to her ..... and as a person of faith you understand that our world wasn't created that way .......

That was then and this is now ...... if we could go back and correct the issues of the past we most certainly would. If our roles were reversed @Former-Member, it would be me carrying the pain, guilt and heartache that you are, and you trying to console me, trying to get me to release myself from the terrible guilt of feeling responsible for something I had no control over, that happened "on my watch" ......

What you are doing a great job of is trying to move past this, trying to bring some sense into the here and now that says good things still exist in our world. In honour of your girl you are not going to let evil win over you. If it was me in your situation, I would want you reaching out to me with healing love and concern, and in fact, you are now, by sharing your empathy for my situation ..... you are being here for me @Former-Member, despite all you have been through, and I am so grateful for that ..... so grateful to know you.

I can't bring your girl back to you, but I can hold her in memory along with you. I can remember you in my walk of life, and treasure that you are prepared to reach beyond your pain to overwrite it with care and concern for others.

Thank you ....... for being you ...... for being here for me ...... for caring to care ❣

Bless you.

Hi @Former-Member

I did pick up your posts last night, and I was hoping you would respond so I would know you had heard me .....

I am so glad you have posted previously, as others have done who have lost a child, that it is very hard when it becomes a taboo subject and people don't know what to say so they go around you ...... and that you are aware that it is just as hard for us to know whether we are supporting you, or just adding to your pain ......

Tears are healing, is all I know ...... whether they are sad tears, or angry tears, or frustrated tears, or happy tears, and I am praying for happy tears around your son's graduation ❣

It is natural, I think, for worries to go cascading around in our brain, especially now that you know your ex is bringing not only his girlfriend, but also six of her family members to the graduation ..... yikes ..... that would be intimidating for anyone ......

I find it inconsiderate, not that I am aware of "ex-etiquette", but six seems a bit extreme, and as far as I am concerned, it is more about you and your son than any of the rest of them ..... maybe they are just really proud of his achievement and wanting to display solidarity and support in their relationships with him ...... or maybe they are intimidated by you ...... and need to hold each other's hands to face you ❣

In any case, this is where you have that bravery inside you ..... and this is a circumstance where you need to reach inside and find it ...... and put your best foot forward, in your new hair-do, and clothes of your choice (not your mother's / sister's) that you are comfortable in, and wear a beautiful mask of politeness for the day. Don't let anything faze you ❣

You have faced up to worse things - this one has joy at its centre - and this one belongs to you ❣

Even if "the others" steal some of the lime-light, lime-light is like water ...... there is so much available. And for different reasons, that nobody can actually steal all the lime-light ...... there will be plenty there for you to have as well .... just make sure you focus on your son's achievement, not on "the others" and have your day too ❣

It has occurred to me just now that that might be one reason your son is sounding a bit moody .... the thought of having you and "the others" all there together is probably intimidating him. Make him so proud by being polite and courteous to everyone, and presenting yourself beautifully, and wearing your joy for him like a corsage on your shoulder ..... ❣

Have you bought him a special gift ? One of my special gifts for my kids when they have a momentous occasion is a special photo frame, so they can frame up a picture of the event .....

You can do this @Former-Member. Thinking of you all the way .....

❤️💜💗

Thanks @Former-Member, that's lovely of you to say. It'll be interesting to see if/when that distance develops. I remember when she was little and I had to peel her off me. Now I'm begging for hugs! Things change.

Glad you liked the model. It sounds like you have a lot on at the moment. Here's another hug 🙂

@Faith-and-Hope Lemon and ginger has been the go around here .. do you like it?

I have been thinking of how you have to deal with your WH eating disorders... it is bit like my reconnected little brother. For the first 20 years (after reconnection when I was first a mum) it was all excessive fun, bad naughty food, eating out, money, thrill thrill thrill. I was breathless just keeping up with little kids in tow.

Then he had kids and the last 10 years with his cancer .. he is trying to prove he is a 'poster child for colorectal' .. actually uses those terms. Like it take teens a while to grow up it seems to take men a while too.

@Former-Member

Putting in the small town social background of your situation makes a lot of sense. It puts your family life in perspective. At some level we have to stop self reciminations ... A parent cant be superhuman and provide high level care 24/7 ... 7 days per week ... 52 wk p year ... What is a watch ... on a boat or in a guard ... the men roster on and take turns ... Mother please forgive yourself for being human. I tried to do it to ... I may have had my eyes open but pushed myself to the extreme where though I could see ... I had no energy emotional or mental to actually deal with what was before me ... We do not choose to have a break down ... there are choices in life ... but that does not mean we make simplistic choices to 'break down' or 'be happy'. There are accumulation of stressors that take a real toll on our health.

I chose to eat with my ex after my daughter's high school graduation ... for her and to keep the peace for all three children. She excluded me from her uni graduation and asked my mother instead. I was the first to graduate in my family, but was shot down rather than appreciated. So that the only graduation I ever went to was my mothers. Though I supported mum and my daughter ...

I know my posts arent all nice and supportive but a mixed bag. Its just cuppa time and I am just hoping there is room somewhere in the world for my broken down truth and to share what we have in common.

I'll check @Former-Member model link

Apple