What does dissociation mean?

Hi @utopia

@I’ve been told twice that I’ve dissociated. Once two years ago in my doctors room. He was talking to me but I wasn’t responding. It was like I was in my own little world. He was concerned so called an ambulance. I ended up in hospital fir a night.

Second time I had a session with a psychologist and I was triggered. Again in my own head nit replying. Just staring. She took a while to get me back to her. She was worried. I had to stay at her rooms for a while.

Its a horrible scary thing to have to go through.

Fir me I feel when i am very stressed and overwhelmed and get triggered - that’s when I dissociate.

@utopia Sometimes you can feel beside yourself, literally.

My understand of dissociation is the brains way of protection. Things get too much, way too much, and an almost semi dream like feeling takes over. It’s an intelligent response and creative. It will pass in it’s own time, and nothing to be afraid of, if possible.

@utopia I started to dissociate when I was 10. I had previously been sexually assaulted when I was 8, and then when it happened again at 10 and I started to understand what was about to happen I dissociated. I used to call it “stepping out” because I completely shut down and literally took myself somewhere else. One minute I was there, the next I was in a boat surrounded by water and I just lay there cloud watching. I only became aware of myself once I was outside and walking home. I can’t remember the actual assault but once I became aware of myself all the feelings I should have felt would come rushing back to me. It’s kind of like being a witness without actually being there if that makes sense.

When I was 11 and the sexual abuse from a family friend started I used to “step out” quite a bit. I didn’t always dissociate during the assaults, but toward the end of the 18 months or so I would “step out” frequently.

I never understood what was happening until recently when I started seeing a councillor and he explained that when the brain senses danger it does 1 of 3 things. The brain goes into flight or fight, and when neither of those is an option, it shuts down completely to protect itself - and this is usually when you dissociate.

As an adult, I still dissociate, only I don’t go to the boat anymore. Now I feel like I slide out of my body into the presence beside me that has no emotion. I can hear and see and feel everything going on but I don’t emotionally feel anything, it’s like it’s not happening to me at all. My councillor thinks that because I’m an adult I can cope a lot better so I don’t need to go to the boat, but I still don’t want to be there so I slip into an emotionless presence.

I can’t force myself to do this, and I can’t make myself come back, it happens when it happens, I have no control.

I can relate to the loss of memory, when I used to become aware of myself, I would feel all these terrible feelings, but I couldn’t remember anything - except being in the boat.

Our brains are wonderful things, they protect us in the most incredible ways.

Hey Utopia,

Firstly, it doesn't sound like you have a very good relationship with your therapist. I completely get how restricted services are but perhaps consider a therapist who will explain rather than just brand you with another label. Perhaps I'm being harsh though unfortunately I too experienced a therapist who was adament I dissociated but only ever used the word "dissociation" to explain. It was so confusing!

Secondly, dissociation. So from what I understand dissociation can be as simple as daydreaming 2.0 or it can be as complex as dissociative identity dissorder (what you may be more familiar as multiple personality dissorder). For example when you go from A to B but have no recollection or like auto pilot.

The first time I truly recognised I was dissociating and more than daydreaming was a week away with mates. A kind mate of mind genuinely asked was I ok several times a day and each time he asked I had no answer and was completely blank each time. This is a friend that knows me so there was something about me that was "off" that he was picking up on. It wasn't until he unintentionally brought it to my attention that I realised I was actually dissociating and how often I do it.

Hope that helps x

Hi @utopia , I think others have described very well what its like to dissociate. Although those of us who do so, its a different experience for each, and varies in intensity quite considerably. I too dissociate, which started in the immediate aftermath of my trauma 23 years ago. Since then, when I am badly triggered, I find myself dissociating again. Certainly have done so in trauma therapy with my clinical psych, much the same as @BlueBay described. My therapist was also quite concerned when it happened, and ceased our session afterwards because it took a long time to 'bring me back' to the now. I think most people who have experienced trauma, will subsequently have a high chance of experiencing periods of dissociation to some extent. As explained by others, it is our brains method of protecting us from memories or occasions which are too much for us to handle at the time. It's an escape mechanism of sorts. Hi @Razzle @Maggie , and welcome to @-Liz- who is a new member as of yesterday. Lovely to see you Liz.

Sherry

My pleasure @-Liz- . Its lovely to have you here with us. Please feel free to tag me if or when you decide to open your own thread. Or if you've already done so and I missed it, then tag me next time you're on there.

Sherry 🌸

Thank you @-Liz-

Yes I've not been happy with my psychologist from the beginning. So at the end of Friday's session, I fired her.

She said many weird things that day. Told me I dissociate - which after reading the answers here - I don't believe I do.

She told me I had untreatable depression, right after I tell her about the growing suicidal thoughts I have been having. Too bad if I was looking for a little light, a bit of hope.

To top it off, she suggested ECT!!!! seriously.

She is a psychologist not a psychiatrist.

So I said I wouldn't be coming back to see her.

I'm happy with my decision.

YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!! @utopia

This may sound weird but I'm so glad you are happy with your decision! I wish more people did what you have done! Of course not firing therapists in general but I wish more people knew that their therapists aren't the boss in this scenairo. You are Captain of the ship and they are merely helping get that ship safely to its destination.

NO therapist should say you are "untreatable" though hopefully you can smile at the irony of her highlighting say she was useless shipmate! For me therapy should be like salt in the wound. You don't always leave feeling like a relaxing day at the beach but some times it's the help you need for a better future. Please don't write of therapy but definately trust your gut!

If you want some resources for that little bit of light and hope I'd be happy to share some that have been personally beneficial for me. I'm sure a moderator would have a more extensive list if you wanted a more professional list.

Thanks @-Liz-

I'm going back to work with a psychologist that I used to like.

Not as many choices in the country. But he was a good psychologist. So I should be right.

Thanks for your positive words. They helped.