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Needing Help...Connections...

lostconcernedCasual Contributor23 May 2016, 6:00 pm AEST

Needing Help...Connections...

I'm male 34 from the Golden Planes Shire area in Victoria. My own life hasn't been great. I've always described it as being lost in translation, but unfortunately it is worse than it's ever been.

I have to be honest and say that I don't have any support really. I've never felt more alone. My siblings are very self-orientated.

Dad passed away 12 months ago very suddenly and it's really taken it's toll on my mum. She's become very distant, forgetful and it's just become a full-time job taking care of her. She's defiant about admitting she has a problem and hasn't really sought out the medical assistance she needs despite my concerns. I have finally organised an appointment which she has agreed to honor next Monday.

This week has been particulary hard as it's the 12 month anniversary of Dad's passing. Yesterday Mum kept asking where Dad was... 😞

I've never been a good sleeper, but I'm hardly sleeping at all now. Just so much pressure and stress being caring for mum...it's something which makes me feel pretty worthless given my own position in life.

On occasion mum can unintentionally be abusive and blames me for her state of mind, I know it's not her fault, but all I'm trying to do is support and keep her safe (which is something my siblings couldn't care less about). I just don't know for how much longer I can keep going with this, but I'm trying...so hard...

Mum's always been one of the most caring and selfless people that I've known, so I don't want to let her down either...Mum and Dad were married for 51yrs...so I could only imagine how that would emotionally and psychologically effect a person?

I don't want to die, but at the same time I'm so tired and unhappy in life now...

I could seriously use some friends and love...and of cause ANY help or advice for my mum. We need a larger social circle...

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In response to: Needing Help...Connections...

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor29 May 2016, 11:33 pm AEST

Re: Needing Help...Connections...

It sounds like a really rough deal @lostconcerned.

I don't have any practical advice to offer you, but I would like to encourage you to see past this pinch point which is really impacting you at the moment. Life is not steady, full of ups and downs, and some of this will pass. You need to take good care of yourself in the meantime. As much as you feel the need to consider everyone else, particularly your mother, consider your own feelings as just as important.

If you don't feel like talking, you have the right to politely decline the offer of company.

If you don't like the way you are being spoken to, you have the right to excuse yourself and go out to find other company, or simply go and do something you would like to do for yourself.

It is clear you are a very caring person, and as a caring person you need to make sure you are not being taken for granted. Particularly if you are under pressure with anxiety and depression, you owe it to yourself to establish boundaries. This might be difficult to work out by yourself because you are so closely involved and feeling injured.

I spoke with a psychologist for a few months to help find clarity in my circumstances, and talk through some coping strategies. It sounds like it might help you to do that too. Perhaps speak to your GP, and ask them for a recommendation ? Your family need to respect who you are and your needs too, These are some steps you can take towards making that happen.

i hope this helps. Keep talking to us here. Chatting will help you work things out.

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