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This is not my son.

BuffalogalNew Contributor30 July 2019, 5:09 pm AEST

This is not my son.

My son decided to try marijuana when he was 14 going on 15. It went on for a while before we found out and thought we had put a stop to it. Fast forward to June this year and he went through a very bad breakup. Found out he was still smoking, and he told us he had been hearing voices for a number of years. We got him into CAMHS, on anti psychotic meds now.

The person who lives in my house is not my son. He is self centred, angry, hates going to school, hates going to work, never happy at home. I’m sick of the fake smiles and token love you’s. We do everything in our power to try and help him. I’ve had enough. I feel so guilty that i want him out of my house, but that’s how I feel. I’m done. My heart breaks because I know I’ll never have my sweet loving son back. This will sound awful but sometimes I wish he was dead ‘cause then I could grieve and move on.

Am I the only one who has felt like this?

4 replies

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In response to: This is not my son.

ASP_MIFA_NTNew Contributor31 July 2019, 1:42 pm AEST

Re: This is not my son.

Hi Buffalogical,

Please be assured, you are certainly not the only parent who has felt this way. It can be really tough seeing the person you love and know so well go through such massive changes, even sometimes to the point where they may be hard to recognise anymore.

I've heard the feelings you mentioned such as guilt, frustration and feeling burnt out can be part of a grief process of the feeling of losing the person you once knew. I have met several parents of teenages/ young adults in similar situations who have experienced similar feelings and emotions.

It may be difficult to see at the moment when seem to be at their hardest, but with support and time things do get better. I'm really glad you have reached out on the forum and I encourage you to continue seeking support where ever you can and to take some time for yourself when possible.

Wishing you peace and comfort

ASP

In response to: This is not my son.

Ali11Senior Contributor31 July 2019, 8:14 pm AEST

Re: This is not my son.

Parenting is such an incredibly tough gig @Buffalogal and it is clear you are doing the best you can to support your son. Does your son have a regular doctor that he speaks to about how he is feeling?

You are certainly not alone in feeling heartbreak and guilt. Supporting a loved one experiencing mentall illness is not easy and relies on skills that may not be commonly used. You might like to read more about conflict in the family and looking after yourself in the guide for families, friends & carers.

In response to: This is not my son.

BunniekinsSenior Contributor01 Aug 2019, 4:19 am AEST

Re: This is not my son.

@Buffalogal Hi Buffalogal and welcome to the forums. My son2 who has significant problems went through a horrendous patch when he was 16-21 years (which his then psychiatrist said would be the case). There was violence from him during this period it was hell. He was finally diagnosed with schizophrenia as well as his other issues from birth. I suppose what I am saying is the worst time appears to be that age group particularly for boys. Don't give up on your son. You have to ask yourself are you the same person you were when you were that age? greenpea

In response to: This is not my son.

Jacob2019Contributor07 Aug 2019, 10:07 pm AEST

Re: This is not my son.

Hi there. I can relate to your post as all the problems I have with the person I care for is because of pot. I haven't been on here for years because he has been well for 3.5 years but had psychosis returned 3 days ago. He was away for nine weeks overseas and even being 16000km away I was still able to find out he used pot. Sure enough within 24 hours of returning the psychosis did too, the abuse, the fake feigned love and gratefulness.

All I can say to you is that it is critical he gets off pot. It is fuel to a fire for someone with mental illness. The other thing is that his personality is being masked by it, so love and care for the boy you know is behind this, not the personality the pot makes him be. Try and encourage him to a drug rehab program. I know it's hard but I can say from experience once they get well it is all worth it. Thanks j

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