Need a little help tonight

@Zoe7 I think you’re right, I really don’t want to talk to him tonight.

My head feels like it’s going to explode. I think I’ll take some pain killers and call it a night.

Thanks for checking in ❤️❤️

Sounds like a good idea @Razzle Hope you can manage some sleep and your head feels better. Goodnight Hon

Hey @Razzle Checking in to see how your day has been and how you are Hon. Hugs

Hi @Zoe7 I had to take mum to a near by town this morning to sort out something at Vic Roads. Didn’t take very long. She didn’t want to do any shopping so we went straight home. Got home around lunch time.

My husband wanted to meet up late this afternoon. Turned out to be a complete waste of time. He tried to turn the blame onto me - he realised pretty quick that wasn’t going to happen. He then admitted he could have avoided this whole mess if he’d just said something when he saw the text my son had sent me. No apology or anything, tried to justify himself a couple of times, then we sat in silence for about 15 minutes, so I left. Nothing is going to change, he doesn’t even realise just how much damage he has done.

Mums been asking all night where he is, I said he’s working. I’ve told her it’s busy on the farm and he’s staying out there for a while. She then asked if there is a house to stay in. We talked about the farm for a bit, she can’t remember where it is, or anything about it. She was a bit iffy about her food again today, but she did eat all her tea without any drama.

I tried to contact my councillor last Friday but he hasn’t responded, which peeves me off because he’s always saying he’s available and to contact him anytime. My husband said today he had also tried to contact him Friday and he also hadn’t heard back. I have a one on one with him this Thursday but feel like canceling. I don’t contact him very often between sessions and on the few occasions I have he doesn’t always respond. Sometimes I feel like he just sees me as $$ in his pocket, and not a human being that is vulnerable and needs some help outside of our sessions.

How was your work today, were you able to get a bit done over the weekend?

Hi @Razzle , I know just what you mean about people not knowing the amount of damage they have done to someone. It is as if they deny it then the damage is not there. All we can do is try to deal with it any way possible, and sounds like some time apart may be good for you. Sending hugs

Hi @Razzle It certainly seems like your husband is backtracking and trying to justify his own position. He certainly does not seem to understand how much damage he has done by not talking to you about everything and even worse - going behind your back. He seems to be playing each side off against the other so he can come up smelling like roses ...but in doing so he has caused so much damage to you that you cannot even begin to forgive. Sometimes things are so broken that there is no coming back from and this has been a repeated pattern from him for sometime. He cannot expect you to simply bow to his every whim and go on as if nothing has happened. There are consequences for everyone's actions and it really seems like he has absolutely no understanding of what impact this has all had on you. I also go back here to where you told me that he had listened (supposedly) in couples counselling but then proceeded to do the opposite of what you discussed. Some people just do not have the ability to learn ...or even hear what is actually being said ...and that does not provide for a supportive environment for you at all. I know I have said before to give it time and see how you feel down the track a bit but the decision whether to reconcile or not has to be up to you with all the facts in front of you and your own wellbeing at the centre of it all. Take that time though Hon to make the decisions that are best for you both now and longer term. You deserve to be happy and right now you are in a world of hurt and pain. Some things there really are no coming back from but that has to be your decision and not his. As for your psych - I would keep this appointment and see what he says. If it doesn't align with your thinking or he doesn't listen to you and your point of view then perhaps it is time to change to someone who will support you better. Much love and huge hugs for you Hon

Thanks @cutiepiekitty for the support. My husband just doesn’t get what he’s done, the more I try and explain it to him the less he hears. This has been a pattern of our marriage for so long. Time apart is the only option I have left.

@Zoe7 You summed up my husband to a T - I couldn’t have described him any better if I tried. I won’t rush into anything, I have plenty of space here to think things through properly before I make any big decisions - but any decision I make I will be putting myself first

Take all the time and space you need Hon - it is your life to live and the choices you make need to be for your happiness and your future. I know it is hard right now to even think about the future so just live in the here and now for the moment and leave the rest for another time when you are more able to cope with it. Your husband needs to accept that you will do this on your time - not his - and that you are putting yourself first. You have enough on your plate looking after your Mum right now so put all your energies where you need to look after her and yourself in the process @Razzle

@Zoe7 Yes, I made a commitment to mum - she needs help and as much as I have tried to help my son and his partner I can only help those that will accept it.

And I will be making decisions at my own pace and when it suits me. My husband has always expected me to just suck it up and move on, but no more. Maybe now he’s on his own having to look after himself he might realise just what he’s thrown away.