Need a little help tonight

Hi @Zoe7 Hope you had a good day today. Hope you didn’t have to stay up too late last night. Hopefully you will get a sleep in tomorrow morning too.

Mum and I went to the cemetery this morning to give my dad and my sons headstones a bit of a wipe over with a damp cloth and left some fresh flowers out of mums garden. We then went to a road house and grabbed some lunch. I spent the rest of the afternoon sewing the quilt I’m working on. I’m a bit head achey tonight, I tend to get head aches when I sew a lot.

My husband and I have a couples counciling session tomorrow, so I think I’ll get an early night and try and sleep this headache off.

I hope your headache goes and you can get some sleep tonight @Razzle Fingers crossed your mum doesn't get up during the night for you.

Hope the counselling session tomorrow goes okay - you have found added confidence there to speak your mind so keep that going Hon - hope hubby takes in some of what you have to say. From what you have already said he is starting to realise what life is like without you there all the time so hope some of it actually sinks in for him.

I am going into work tomorrow but will need to do a few things in the morning. I am planning on going in about midday so will have a little time for myself in the morning. I have a meeting after school so would have to go in anyway. The pompom animals will be finished tomorrow so I can photograph them and put the images into a powerpoint tomorrow night for assembly on Friday. That is the easy part lol Then Friday I can get the kids organised in order to speak. The little cherubs are really excited about the assembly. I only have about three quarters of them wanting to present their animal facts but that will be enough. I wasn't going to push the others - made it their choice - but was really happy with how many had the confidence to get up and speak.

Going to try to get some more done tonight before I head to bed so I have less to do tomorrow so will be a later night for me. Let me know how the session goes tomorrow. Will be thinking of you Hon

Just checking in with yuo tonight @Razzle I am heading off now as I have a few more things to do before bed but leaving this for you Hon ...

Hi @Zoe7

I don’t even know where to start. The bottom of my world has just dropped out from under me.

My son texted me yesterday to say he was coming home next week because he and his partner are on the verge of a split - no surprises there. I messaged back that he needed to start doing some things to protect himself so that he can still see his child.

Had our couples session, went pretty well, both husband and I said we talk more, don’t let anything fester, put all our card on the table - overall we are communicating better than we ever have.

Left the session and then I get a

message from sons partner - either she checked sons phone or he showed her and then I was hammered all day with

messages from her. Long story short, I have been effectively cut off from all of them. I’m pretty much never seeing her or the baby ever again. She even mentioned that my husband told her something that I’d said (which I did but only to him) which has dropped

me into it further. He now denies he told her but it could only have come from him. She has also denied all the stuff she told me about her mother and the abuse, she said that I have twisted her words or made it all up.

On top of that, husband tells me last night that he has been messaging and calling her since they met on Monday because she had been in a foul mood and he wanted to see if he’d done something wrong and if everything was ok. A lot of stuff has been said all week - of which I knew nothing about, he hadn’t told me anything, so her temper has been festering all week. If husband had told me what was going on I never would have texted my son back yesterday.

I slept in the lounge last night and husband snuck off home before mum and I woke up. I packed all his shit that he has here and took back out to the farm, packed as much of my stuff as I could that would fit in the car, then left a note on the table that he stays on the farm from now on, we’re done.

He was all apologetic last night that it had all blown up in my face - all he had to do was tell me what had been going on. As soon as I got sons message yesterday I showed him straight away, why couldn’t he let me know what was going on right then??

I am so angry and hurt right now

OMG @Razzle I can't believe your husband has done all that. It definitely leaves you in a difficult and vulnerable position and is no way protecting you - grr!!! So angry for you Hon!

You did the right thing telling your son to protect himself so he can see his child - advice that any mother would give and under the circumstances (and going on past history of the relationship) totally the right things to do.

Your husband needs to understand that his actions affect others here too - he seems to be playing both sides and expecting not to be challenged on his behaviour - so totally acceptable (and brave) of you to let him know how you feel and that he has done the wrong thing.

I understand your anger at him with all this and how much it has not only affected you but the barrage of insults that you received as a result - so not right and so not fair. None of this is an easy situation - and no doubt all sides are extremely emotional right now - so give it all a little time to settle as well - you need that for your own piece of mind and wellbeing Hon.

Much love and huge hugs coming your way

@Zoe7 I should have seen this coming. She’s been looking for someone to direct all the blame at, besides herself and her own family and I walked straight into her firing line. I pretty much served myself up on a silver platter and my husband stood back and watched me do it.

After he told me everything he knew last night I told him I don’t give a f&ck about her, I don’t give a f&ck about my son and after him throwing me under the bus I dont give a f&ck about him. I said I don’t care if I never see any of them ever again, it has been nothing but drama and stress from day one.

I now consider myself seperated, I will never trust my husband ever again. And as bad as it’s going to get for my son, he’s on his own too. I’m sick of sticking my neck out just to have everything blow up in my face.

And your right, my husband is always playing both sides, always the good guy, the one smelling of roses ALWAYS at my expense. Well I’m done, I am so f&cking DONE

I so hear how much this has affected you @Razzle and honestly do not blame you for feeling so betrayed by everyone. You need to do what is right for you and what you can live with. Those are really tough decisions to make but you are the only one that can make them. You are the one living with the constant stress and your wellbeing needs to come before anything else ...and if that means separation for now from everyone then that is what you need to do. One thing is certain - you cannot keep going like you have with so much unpredictability, lies and hurt being targetted at you. There is a time when one's actions need to be help to account and the consequences owned by them - that is for them to now deal with ...you need to look out for yourself Hon

@Zoe7 I can’t believe my own family could do this to me. I feel totally crushed. Mums short term memory is toast and all night she has asked where my husband is. I keep telling her he’s busy on the farm and staying there tonight, but all I want to do is curl up into a little ball and cry. I feel like my family have deserted me.

And believe it or not, my sons partner started messaging me before like we were long lost best friends. After everything she wrote yesterday I don’t want to hear from her ever again. I’m so angry, sad and frustrated at the moment I just want to scream.

It might be that she has stepped back from her own emotions @Razzle and realised how wrong she was - or it simply may be that she has no insight into how hurtful she has been. So often people believe they have done nothing wrong because they infact lack empathy themselves - whatever the reasoning for her latest contacts you have the right to respond or not. What is imperative is that you protect yourself in whatever decision you make on this front. The things she has said and done cannot be undone but there is also the future of having your grandchild in your life to consider. This is a really hard one as it is quite apparent that this girl has her own issues to deal with and for you to not get caught up in all that is for the benefit of your own mental health. Tread carefully @Razzle but try not to shut the door entirely as you also have the moral right to be part of your grandchild's life.

@Zoe7 I’m always copping the brunt of her anger. As far as the grand child goes, the only time we see her is on the mother’s (and the other grandmothers) terms, when it suits them and when there’s something in it for them.

It seems every time it’s all going well she pulls the rug out from under our feet and sends us on another roller coaster ride, and all the blame and drama gets put on me. To be totally honest, right now this baby doesn’t feel worth it. I know my marriage has been in trouble for years, but all this drama around this baby has been the final nails in the coffin.