EMDR - Has anyone done this

When i was at my worst i saw a psychologist weekly & she wouldnt allow my thoughts to enter into my past & it worked for me then. I had no1 in my life. Didnt drive was almost homeless. Had absolutely no $. Recently i visited a psychologist that does schema therapy. Its supposed to be really good but i felt i was triggered off straight away by the therapist. Didnt like her at all. She did everything to try to stop me from seeing the next therapist for EMDR. Her way was the only way & i didnt agree with that. Think u have to do the style that suits u at that time. I actually wanted to do both at the same time but she reminded me too much of my mother in that she knew what was best for me so she lost the workload. Im booked in to do a dbt course possibly starting later this yr. Its apparently exceptionally good. Take power into ur own hands shop around research away & listen to your instincts. We all have our own direction & journey. Im just in a very strong position now cause ive worked on building up my present to b able to address the past. If EMDR doesnt agree with me later then ill find another method

Good on you for deciding to give EMDR a try @Former-Member I really hope it works well for you.

Just letting you know that most times I will only see a post if I am tagged in it as that's what I've got my settings on.

@eth @Doglover @Zoe7 @MDT @Gazza75

Guessing i have to click @ everytime i post.new people ill get the hang of this.

Hope u r all well starting another wk.

Yes you do have to click the @ everytime you post to someone @Former-Member that way whoever you have posted to gets a notification. I generally only read posts I am tagged in otherwise I would have too much to read - so please continue tagging me so I can not only follow your journey here but also support you when you need it.

How has your day been today?

It is really great tat you have had a good day @Former-Member and I really want to commend you for opening up so much here and sharing some of your story. We have a lot in common - unfortunately - so I do get so much of what you are saying. What strikes me so much about you is that you do have confidence and you do stick up for yourself. That is not easy whether you have a MI or not. Do not underestimate just how much strength it takes to stand up for what you believe in and to say when someone has crossed the line - and that you have done. You have also worked hard to get to where you are too and that is all your own doing and something you should be supoer proud of.

@Zoe7

Glad i did move tho. Took a lot of courage. I sold everything & put all we had in the car & drove for 4days & arrived in a unit we hadnt seen with just blowup matresses.

Quite a risky scary thing to do but the thought of staying in Melb was more scary so i knew i had to do it.

So i now have a good unit $70 cheaper a wk rent. Great neighbours, just the best. My son is only a walk to sch now. We escaped Melb cold winter. Im in a superb location just 10mins from everywhere. Im back working a little & in one wk i bought the furniture. Was terribly stressful but the move got me onto right drug & got me doing the dva claim & got a white card. So it was all meant to be. Interesting tho everyone in Melb said yes go get out before your son starts yrs 11 & 12. Apart from the psychologist i had. She got really angry at me. So the psychologist was actually the one in the wrong. I knew what was best for me. Sure i went thru hell in last 4mnths but ive come out the other side in a much better position than what we were in Melb. I have good stable accomodation here. My situation in Melb wasnt great. I really feared for my future there & my sons. Up here i can afford to go watch some ameteur theatre too. Once i get confident ill audition & get involved in musicals. Not yet tho i want to devote 6mnths to some more healing. Its amazing how well this med works. I was a total stressed out crying mess on other drug now im emotionally stable. No1 would even suspect i had a traumatic past. I do totally agree with u about focusing on the now & future tho.its what got me to where i am now. So ill try to tell myself im just living the past for a short time then must return to the now that ive created.

It does sound like the move was the best thing you could have done @Former-Member At the end of last year I made the decision to leave the school I had been at for over 10 years - there were issues with the new principal there and no support. I was so worried about the change but have landed in the most supportive, friendly and encouraging environment - it was the best decision I have made for a very long time - so I totally get the fears and worries about change but the silver linings we find in those changes as well. When one door closes another one opens hey!

There are so many positives that have come out of your move and you are right - tackle the past but continue to move forward as well - both can be achieved - especially with support - and you seem to have that

@Zoe7

Had to repost this & edit a detail.

Ill see if i can get it right.

. I didnt feel nervous going to teach exercise. I failed my first attempt at getting my cert3 in Melb cause i wasnt on any meds. 2nd time i was however still needed an extra med here & there to cope with anxiety whilst doing course again. I have trained in gym for 8yrs so definitely have the prac experience but i clearly struggle with studies. So starting to ask for a job teaching here was sooooo hard. Ive lost so much confidence with not working most of my life. Its going well tho theres a handful of older ladies that like my class so its helping me get my confidence back. Im still really new to living here also. Which doesnt help.

Im trying to just focus on getting thru each day & not overwelm myself with the future. Im waiting to book a hall to teach from. Found out today its going to b a long drawn out process this dva claim as psychiatrist will have to write a full report & may not have time to do it this yr. Just have to put the claim in & just forget about it.writing the story was pretty horrific. I belched crying quite a few times but theyve got me on a stronger mood stabilizer now that also helps me sleep. I should b right as long as i stay on it. Ive gone off meds in past when ive come across people saying ur not mentally ill u dont need drugs. Usually people into natural healing techniques. Basically they havent suffered enough to need stronger meds. I go off & they then run away from me & i eventually take too many pills & end up in hosp. Thats not going to happen this time tho as i want to stay working cause i enjoy working a bit now. Im hoping to take this workout into retirement villages but ill get it started in a hall first & get over that fear. Baby steps. I possibly could have achieved more in Melb had i been on this med. Oh well cant look back tho just have to keep moving forwards hey. When i look back at my life my biggest prob possibly was not being on right med cause of wrong diagnosis. Im doing ok now tho. Was terribly hard after i moved tho. Med i was on wasnt strong enough & i had a few nightmares & was waking in fight flight state. Then they added meds & i got tremors & finished up ed. All up 9 days of tremors. Most frightening experience. Took a few drug trial to get this right. Just glad i got thru it. Im just very fortunate that dva will pay for mental health care now as i havent really had hardly any care over the yrs. Ive only just got this dva white card since being here. It was hard to get also cause yrs ago i threw everything i owned so they had to dig up my records. Kinda lucky i finished up at ed cause they recognised i needed help so they pushed it thru. So quite a lot has happened in last 4mnths to get me to where im at now which is very stable. I also do relief lollipop duty. Its a good job to ease back into working as its low stress but pays well. When i didnt it actually made me feel more worthless i think. Tho my fear of people prevented me from working. Didnt want to b around controlling women (my mother) didnt want anymore sexual abuse (my bros) since being here i had an elec touch me. That affected me pretty badly. Eventually i let company & his wife know. Sure they bullied me & said stuff like its illegal to make false accusations but it was less stressful than going thru crt because a lawyer would retraumatize me. I also worked with a lady that started yelling at me. I could feel myself melting like it was my mother. That night it kept waking me up so i had to let boss know i wasnt well enough to work cause i hadnt slept. I also stated i refused to work with that lady again. Boss was ok about it & said we like having u work for us tho. Later boss had to check my work & was trying to find out what happened. So i decided to come forward & tell her. Turns out last lady had quit & reported the bullying but others had denied it so they were thrilled when i came forward cause now they had the evidence to get rid of her.i was afraid no1 would believe me cause when i grew up my mother always blamed me so i learnt to never open my mouth. Its taken yrs to open up & is still very difficult. But its getting easier. My instincts push me to speak out otherwise it bottles up & goes round & round in my head.its great having a really nice boss that trusts me & likes me. Means the world to me. I guess im at a point where my work is whats slowly giving me back my confidence. Before that was raising my son on my own. Thats been very hard with very little \ & no support friends or family but i did it & succeeded. Many people were against me having a child because i had an unplanned pregnancy before him & really struggled then dr put me on drug & im pos its what slowly killed the baby. So i naturally got blamed for killing my baby. So choosing to go off drug & have a child was hard cause no1 believed me capable so everyone apart from his dad abandoned me. Well i struggled possibly worse thru the pregnancy. Hardly slept. Wrote my memoirs & went off the walls.crying screaming. Couldnt have done it without his dad. But i got there. Im a battler & a survivor. If u say i cant do it then im more likely to prove i can do it. Haha thats the attitude i took last wk when another therapist tried to stop me doing the EMDR lol. Its my time now. Id like to feel ok dating someone one day so want to b able to do that one day. Its hard people have always asked me why im single cause im attractive. They dont get it when i say im a sexual abuse survivor. They always say well thats just the past forget about it. I wish it hadnt affected me but theres a load of abuse. Not just one man. Its quite complicated. Im surprised its a man ive picked for the EMDR actually but it just felt right so i went with it. Each wk living here gets a little easier & more familiar. I certainly wont b moving again in a hurry thats for sure.hope ur day was as smooth as mine was. Thanks for asking