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New with a 32 year old son living back with us

New with a 32 year old son living back with us

Hi, my son has been living back with us for about 3 months. He was living in Sydney but has come interstate as essentially he was unable to support himself.

He really hasn't had full time work for a few years. He's been on and off Centrelink benefits. Over every years I've help him out a lot, paying rent etc etc.

he has had professional help in the past, always at my instigation. He has had a couple of hospital admissions when things got pretty bad and he needed help . There have been diagnoses of Depression, Bipolar 2, ADHD and at various times since he was about 19 he has had medications. Various Anti depressants and dexamphetamines. Since coming to live with us he has gone off all meds and is also trying to stop smoking and so is using patches.

Before he came to live with us I had conversations with him about seeing Dr, getting on a mental health plan, seeing a psychologist for regular counselling and I was optimistic that he would do these things.

But so far he refuses to do any of these or go to Centrelink for benefits. He says he wants to find work ( he has been helping us on our rural property.) . but he has increasingly been unhappy about doing a lot of chores, sleeps in till midday, and is often very irritable and rude. Also tearful and clearly very depressed, it is very sad for me to see him like this. His search for work is sporadic and I fear he is not sufficiently qualified on paper for many of the jobs he expresses interest in - he never finished his degree at university - in spite of spending 5 years trying and although he is very intelligent there are some learning difficulties.

I have become really depressed after having been optimistic that we could help him. My husband is being very supportive but unfortunately my sons father is unable to help having severe mental health problems himself. Many of the things he says / has said to our son over the years are very destructive.

So ive been to Dr myself and am planning to see psychologist hoping to get support for myself. But also hoping they might be able to suggest ways of getting my son to seek help. I feel that with support from professionals he may be able to improve his situation.... but am also fearful it may never improve, in which case I have to get him to seek a DSP as financially it will be too difficult for us to continue to support him.

There is so much more I could write, as I'm sure others in this situation would know, but any suggestions people might have, I'd be most appreciative

22 replies

11 - 20 of 22

In response to: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

That's great that you see some progress @Tennessee, anything positive is a win, right?

In response to: Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

hello @Tennessee how are you going today

and how is your son today

In response to: Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

Hi @Shaz51
Had a crappy day... lost it with him today and shouted... he got in my space and grabbed me in a way that was intimidating
I’ve gone into the city for evening with my husband
Tearful and worried that my son is ok but he’s minding our dog whom he loves
I msg him and he responded ok

In response to: Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

That must've been a scary event @Tennessee, how have things been since? Did he acknowledge how he made you feel in that moment? Sending love and hope you're enjoying your weekend

In response to: Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

How's things going for you? There's some similarities here with my partners experience, particularly thinking the job will come and so not engage with Centrelink. Also not completing degree. Let me know if you want to chat. Jacob

In response to: Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

hello @Jacob2019

remember to use the @ in front of @Tennessee and they will receive your message xx

Hugs @Tennessee ,

Hello @Appleblossom

In response to: Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

Thanks @Appleblossom

In response to: Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

Thanks Jacob I haven’t been in the forum for a while. Really struggling atm... I’m afraid him being here has really brought on depression for me. I’m see a psychologist as I was having suicidal thoughts. He is so difficult and it’s hard to remember it’s the illness not him (I hope)

In response to: Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

@Jacob2019... it’s so hard.. every one tells me I have to set boundaries but he just gets angry at me if I say anything assertive... he has been to psychiatrist and gp and is taking meds- anti depressants and dexamphetamines for ADHD... neither seem to be helping a lot... smoking- nicotine seems to have most observable beneficial effect. He is now on Centrelink benefits... sometimes he helps me at my bnb... but other times does absolutely nothing while I run round all day and night like a blue arsed fly

In response to: Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

Re: New with a 32 year old son living back with us

@ Alli11 yes scarey and he never apologises... I have to read he is sorry by his behaviour which might be offering me a cup of tea...

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