Mothering and mental illness.

Becoming a mum has made me so hyper-aware of how society loves to demonise mental illness in mums, or worse, demoniser the mothers themselves.

It is most evident in mothering boards, where I frequently see a mum with PND get blasted for seeking a listening ear in regards to her feelings and thoughts. The response is too often
"You do not have PND. I have PND, it is awful, but what you are describing is horrifying, and I can tell you from experience PND doesn't give you such horrible thoughts. What you are experiencing is the terrible dangerous awful person you are."


I just had a mum at my door briefly, returning an item I loaned her. I was in my PJ's and girls were in front of TV, and a small conversation ensued that involved us relating to each other and the stresses of motherhood.

What has upset me though, is her referring to her psych not liking hearing that she feels need to put baby down and ignore from time to time, to regroup, to keep from shouting or having tensions build up. The complete opposite of what I reassured her at the door.

What good is that??

When a plane is crashing, you put your oxygen mask on first, then proceed to helping others. Including your own children.

What good is pushing a mum to put baby's needs first in times when mum is having the meltdown? Why do we spend so much time and energy hearing and reassuring our tantruming toddlers, offering cuddles, when they will grow up to be told that having emotions is bad and people will snub you for having a moment? Or worse, for being proactive, and saying, 'actually, bubba, scream away, I'm taking 2 mins. Breathing'.

I myself recently sought a referral to both a psychologist and psychiatrist, from my GP. I'm on a medication that thankfully takes away the Occipital Neuralgia I've been experiencing this year. But ironically the meds are anti-depressants, so I thought perhaps it was best to brave seeing somebody after a decade of self-management. I'd hate for the meds to send me into a psychotic break, no matter how much my GP reassures me this med is fine and is such a low dose anyway, too low to treat depression.

Anyway, the conversation I just had at my door, reminded me that I could well be setting myself up to be judged, as a mum, by just the people I have turned to for productive management tools and above all else reassurance.

And I'm a bit annoyed. A lot. The last time I sought help off my own fruition, I was suffering horrendously from bulimia as a result of not understanding eating, and struggling with the readjustment, post my psychotic break years before. I signed away to a stay on an adult ward, where no day to day routine or therapies were offered, aside from a thrice weekly dvd viewing in the 'group room'. The DVDs? Pfizer funded vids on an array of individual mental illnesses (...and their 'treatments', of course...). So when I was finally fronted with a 'review' meeting, head psych sat at the apex of a semi-circle that contained all the available staff that day (around 6 either side of him), and me sat directly opposite, I had no words. The result, threats of sectioning me in order to administer me their crutch, their wonder-drug, one particular anti-psychotic, from one specific pharmaceutical brand. Now, I have nothing against drugs, and I do NOT deny their positive role in treatment of psychosis in particular (I have seen first hand the amazing things meds do, even seen people with bizarre out-of-the-blue delusions turn around to their normal selves within a month), but they were giving everyone on this ward (around 20 peeps max) this particular one. Everyone. From those with eating disorders, to the 40yr old depressed woman that never left her room (or was encouraged to, for that matter. I was next door), to those with mood disorders. Everyone. That seemed a bit too much of a coincidence to me. I was appalled. I asked for discharge, they refused, I read all the brochures I could, got an advocate to come in, he said 'yeahhh..... I love this drug, but.... you seem ok? I am concerned too..' I think an Aunt visited and was horrified and stepped in at this point, as I was offered to go under the condition I meet as an outpatient one of their psychs. Which I did, and he turned out great, but nonetheless.


I don't have headspace in my life right now to navigate my way out of any crap practitioners.

So annoyed.


Any tips/checklists for seeking a psych? It's been a decade, what am I to be wary of/on lookout for?

Thanks!