My life fell apart..

Hello, this is my first time posting here, I’m a 26 year old guy from QLD. I was diagnosed with BPD from a psychiatrist a few years ago, and thought that while it could explain some things, I didn’t have any symptoms at the time and chose to ignore the diagnosis. Almost two months ago, I came home from work and was met at the bus stop by my then almost 2 year girlfriend, who told me she had packed everything and was leaving. Our relationship was intense from the beginning (as most bpd relationships are), and 4 months in she moved from VIC to live with me in QLD. She also has mental health problems, so occasionally arguments would blow up and become really intense, with me becoming physical with her. The second and final time I was physical with her in an argument, we were overseas. The next day, things were back to normal, she said she forgave me, we went and got our names tattooed on eachother. We arrived back into the country, and two days later, she left me.

I was in complete shock and could not believe what was happening, I was already having a bad day with my mental health, and already felt very suicidal. I was an emotional mess, and felt really panicked, so I went and attempted suicide. I just felt at that time, I couldn’t take the emotional pain any longer, I just wanted it to stop. I ended up getting quite unwell and was taken to hospital for the weekend, and released to stay at my parents house where I now currently live. I left my job, because I just stopped being able to function. I also work in mental health which brings along its own challenges.

I didn’t just lose my girlfriend that day, I lost my best friend, I lost my home, I lost my job, I lost my income, and I lost all sense of security.

Its now almost been 2 months, and these still feel so incredibly hard. I normally fall asleep around 2am and wake up around midday. I hate being on my own, and every time I’ve gone through a breakup it’s the thing I struggle with the most. After the break up, I started doing more research into BPD, and now can see that I identify with almost all of the 9 “traits”. I’ve realised my ex girlfriend is my “favourite person”, and I’ve expressed that to her, as well as everything else I have learnt. I realise how much of my thinking is toxic and irrational, but it doesn’t make the feelings any easier to deal with. I feel completely consumed by my emotions every waking moment, and my moods change so drastically. My mood has changed twice just writing this out. I guess I’m just wanting to hear from others who might be going through the same thing, or who have, and got through to the other end