Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

looking after yourself....theory v practice

sybill07Senior Contributor18 May 2016, 11:34 am AEST

looking after yourself....theory v practice

Well, we all know how important it is to look after ourselves as carers. Except when things are hectic and we put ourselves last.

What worries me is that this week I am feeling quite out of control and all over the shop, unable to concentrate on work and having 'memory lapses' and generally just feeling like I did before I ended up having a nervous breakdown.

Trouble is - I have to keep going, keep working, following up on issues with my husband, looking after him, managing the house, the finances, the future. There is no respite.

What do you guys do in these instances? How do you stop feeling the need to firefight everything all at once? And when your own brain starts to let you down, how do you focus on what is important? Everything is suddenly all important. How do you find the strength to go on and not get all fractious and overly sensitive and over reacting and all the rest?

I need to prioritise myself soon, but can't see anything happening in the immediate future.

we had our meeting with the centrelink dr and she talked about the need for less stress in his life, and he talked about being worried by me being worried by things that i thought i was shielding him from, and of course that worries me. And also she talked about him being in recovery - 9 years later!! is that the case?

You know when you are doing the best you can and suddenly something happens to make you rethink and you realise you need to step up a further level but your energies just aren't there as yet. And then you realise you are focusing solely and intensely on only one thing at a time, and losing a couple of weeks (seriously) and then fretting about things like 'we don't eat enough green vegetables' which i clearly remember as one of the concerns before my breakdown... macro and micro concerns, all at once.

I know someone will suggest a pyschcologist but honestly we can't afford that at present. i still haven't paid the last one and I don't have the time to go to the drs and set something up bulk bill.

Any advice greatly appreciated, or pointers to otehr discussions/literature!

Thanks!

24 replies

11 - 20 of 24

1 2 3

In response to: looking after yourself....theory v practice

Shaz51Senior Contributor30 May 2016, 9:33 am AEST

Re: looking after yourself....theory v practice

Hello @Appleblossom

How are you today ??

we are ok ,

have to take my mum for a scan today ,

hubby is a little worried if we will get any jobs done today and they say the rain is coming back tomorrow

In response to: looking after yourself....theory v practice

WordsmatterCasual Contributor15 June 2016, 7:46 pm AEST

Re: looking after yourself....theory v practice

Hi.....was just reading your post about self care and how to manage it all. My strategy is to prioritise and let go of what I cannot do....and it really is that simple for me. I know and respect that I cannot do it all....and for those around me that expect me to do it all.....that is their problem to deal with. I also do a lot of meditation....just simple ones.....but gee they make a difference. They help me have an awareness of my own needs and expectations. The other thing I do, is try to remain present with whatever I am doing. So instead of driving to the shops for groceries and spending the whole time thinking about what I still have to do after that....like cooking, drop offs/pick ups, homework etc. I just look at my surroundings and focus on what is happening around me and let the other stuff go. It has taken s lot of practice but it really helped me clear my mind.....know myself and stay grounded at the same time. Ive also learnt to speak out.....loudly and clearly when I cannot do it all. As a mum it is all too easy to take on too much responsibility....and leave nothing for ourselves. Whether you are a carer or someone being cared for....both are equally important and deserve self care from yourself.

In response to: looking after yourself....theory v practice

WordsmatterCasual Contributor15 June 2016, 7:48 pm AEST

Re: looking after yourself....theory v practice

I cannot for the life of me highlight the name of the person I am replying to.....just not working for me.

In response to: Re: looking after yourself....theory v practice

Unknown userMember15 June 2016, 8:22 pm AEST

Re: looking after yourself....theory v practice

Love your strategies @Wordsmatter. Letting go of what you can't do is a great thing to be able to do. Sounds like mindfulness is working well for you too. So good to hear.

Have you tried the @ button to respond to a particular poster? It should bring up the names of recent posters in the thread so you can select the one you want.

In response to: Re: looking after yourself....theory v practice

AppleblossomSenior Contributor16 June 2016, 2:16 am AEST

Re: looking after yourself....theory v practice

Hi @Shaz51

I am ok thanks

Hope the scan turns out ok

Saw my original Carers vic lady ... after 6 months ... she cares for me in the sense .. that she tries to click with me .. it makes a difference ... and helps me relax ... trust and respect ...

In response to: Re: looking after yourself....theory v practice

Shaz51Senior Contributor19 July 2016, 6:09 pm AEST

Re: looking after yourself....theory v practice

Hello @sybill07,

how are you

In response to: looking after yourself....theory v practice

MIFANTCARERSenior Contributor25 July 2016, 1:25 pm AEST

Re: looking after yourself....theory v practice

Good morning, I recently attended a Mental Health workshop regarding The Community approach to recovery.

Our presenter was Wayne Horwood, he has a back ground in Policing, Psychology, Social Work and Education. I came away with lots of key conceps from the work shop, in particular the following have been extreemly useful for focusing on wellness for myself and family members.

The first concept was; to ask ourselves to list 5 people, who we would assist unquestionably at the drop of a hat. I belevie this was to identify significant people in our lives.

The second concept was;

We as humans do well with excitment and the achievment of goals in our lives, the example for this was, to always have,

A weekly activity to look forward to: mine is visiting the local garden and smelling the flowers in bloom, it is awesome.

A fortnightly activity to look forward to, mine has been to see a movie ,Tarzan.

A monthly activity to look forward to, mine was a fun run which I had to get out and about twice a week to train for.

A six monthly activity to look forward to, mine was the commencement of a short course Well Ways.

An annual activity to look forward to, a holiday, mine is a short trip with in our means.

This process has been really helpful for us, I hope your days become alot smoother.

Living Well

In response to: looking after yourself....theory v practice

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor26 July 2016, 11:01 am AEST

Re: looking after yourself....theory v practice

Setting forward goal has been part of our coping mechanism .... a refusal to let the mi issue take up our whole world view ...

Thanks for this info .... really helpful !

🌷💕

In response to: looking after yourself....theory v practice

RG01Senior Contributor04 Aug 2016, 11:49 am AEST

Re: looking after yourself....theory v practice

@sybill07
You seem quite tuned in to yourself-u know what's needed OR NOT NEEDED. Don't allow yourself to get to a breakdown point.
You're amazing to be juggling all that you are! Keep telling yourself that. Then you need to slow it down- to a manageable level.
I've found writing out lists - prioritising by number and crossing off as I go is excellent.
And the list might have 21 tasks but I then work out which HAS to be done today -& usually I'm done in about 4tasks for the day.
Break it up-organise it and re order it. Factor in you time. Remember you're human (I think) and 🙂 you need rest, personal time, proper food and water & solid sleep to function. Your body can only put out what you put in..... Be good to it and break down you tasks bit by bit and feel some relief immediately 🙂
RG

In response to: looking after yourself....theory v practice

KarrenContributor04 Aug 2016, 7:39 pm AEST

Re: looking after yourself....theory v practice

I find this really helpful. Thank you. I care for two folk with different needs and days are not predictable. Having lost four significant people in the last 18 months I am trying to re frame my life and friendships while taking on a caring role..one of whom is around 100 and one who has a long term mi.and I am.new to this role after a busy professional role.
So to look forward to waking up in the morning I get up to walk a dog and dig a new garden or part of one.
To look forward to something in the middle of the day I take my aged parent for drive to bunnings.
To look forward to something in the next week I plan a trip to a coffee shop with a friend for breakfast before everybody is up.
To look forward to the next month I plan a visit to.a new garden or a new national.park and a long walk
I do not plan 6 months ahead or 12 months ahead at the moment. The last two years of losing close friends and relatives and a struggle with cancer put paid to my feel8ng string enough to do that.
In the middle of it all I am learning to give praise for the moment.
No lists for me.

11 - 20 of 24

1 2 3