On the roller coaster again.

It is hard to know what your husband issues are. I believe relinquishing a few jobs for him to do while he is at home is a wise move. I know a lovely gentle lady who told me she would empty all the alcohol down the sink drain, she was that frustrated with her husband. Being a mum we try and run the family so that the kids have a functional dad at the meal table etc. Her husband never really got it together or faced his alcoholism, but your story may go in a different direction. It is important to be supportive about MH issues, but not enabling of substance abuse ... its a tricky line to walk.

Hi @Bellarose

It sounds like you are really stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's clear you love and care very much about your husband, but that such sacrificial care over such a long period of time can really take a toll on our own mental health.

Echoing @Appleblossom, alcohol can really impact peoples ability to manage their mental health. While this form of self-medication may provide a short-term solution in managing mood or symptoms, in the long run it does not solve the problem and can often make things more difficult for everyone. I like appleblossoms suggestion to give him some small, achievable tasks or goals to complete during the day. Perhaps one or two things that, while may seem incredibly simple or fickle to you or I, might take a huge amount of energy for him, as depression can really impact motivation. Oftentimes with depression it is not that people are lazy, rather their brains are not producing enough dopamine to give them the motivation to perform even the most basic of tasks. I wonder - Is he able to take a shower each day? Or fix himself a sandwich for lunch? Acknowledge and encourage him when you notice even the smallest acts of personal agency or self-help behaviour. I know it can seem useless, but consistently giving praise can help to gradually build back up that fragile self-esteem.

There are a number of members here who I imagine might be able to relate to your circumstances. @Shaz51 and @Attahua are caring for their husbands. Likewise @sammysparrow and @Violet also care for their husbands who live with depression. You might like to read more about violet's story here. Perhaps they might like to share their support and wisdom with you too. There was an interesting thread recently called Wives caring for husbands that you might like to check out.

Please keep us posted with how things are going.

Hello @Bellarose, how are tou today ??

I hope you are ok ,

Yes my hubby who has MI mostly drinks now one or 2 beers per day and for the last week he has been having a glass of port each night

please ask me any questions you may have xx, we are all here to help each other , you are not alone

take care and please keep in touch

Oh my, I so empathise with you. It is very similar for me although my husband has only had the breakthrough and begun medication a year ago. We have two kids and I struggle daily with the dilema of how much to tolerate from my husband. I have had best results when I am able to clearly explain to him what I have had enough of and outline the weight of what I am carrying because I dont think he sees it because he is so in his own head.

It only works though once I have expressed my grief to someone close or understanding and once the anger has passed I can pick a calm moment with him and spell it out without all the emotion. Very very hard to do when at the end of your tether. But I know my husband takes it in differently when I can be like that.Then some small changes may occur. It is a long road though. I have a tear with the thought of what you are experiencing. It is so very hard to be the one holding things together. Perhaps some sort of break or weekend away might help see some light?