My fear is rape focused, is this my gut or my anxiety?

If it is in your mind you do need to take some action. You may be extrapolating from the father's bad taste in media, but you need to satisfy yourself. Is it your fear and projection or is it reality. If it is reality then you will be glad you took the action. Are you separated or living under the same roof of the father?

I actually had a similar but different situation with my first child. I had taken on a 6 week old baby whose both parents had been diagnosed with schizophrenia. The biological parents were in frequent conflict and there were some supervision issues. The father kept telling me that the mother's mother was molesting the baby on access. He started hiding tape recorders in access bag. As the main care giver I started to get upset by horror of it and found it hard to deal with, so in the end I made him take the baby to the Children's hospital to get checked and thank god, she was ok, but I had to know . .. and then could cut off the father's paranoias immediately. It really had seemed unlikely to me given the character of the grandmother, who was very conservative but had challenged the father about not being a good enough provider for her daughter ... in the manner in which she was accustomed etc.

Since then other issues about child sexual abuse in TOTALLY different situations came out. It is frequently in the media, now, but then it was just before the church scandals etc.

In some ways I am boringly analytical and logical. I never regret pushing that point for my oldest daughter. It was discrete. We do have to figure out the realities to our fears and face up to what is imaginative and what is real. It confirmed to me that my husband at the time was more delusional than I had realised. There may be other causes to blood in stools ... best have it checked.. to rule out medical issues.

Best of luck

Thanks for replying Lisajane, that's the first time anyone's mentioned a children's health centre which is why this anxiety has been so frustrating, thankyou for offering a better less anxiety provoking solution.

I had spoken to the parents help line, kids help line and my doctor rang the children's unit at Westmead and was told that they would call me yesterday (that didn't end up happening) the parents line told me to report the inappropriate viewing to docs so no relief there either (the viewing issue was weeks before & I made the report as suggested) which left my anxiety rising even more so the doctors haven't helped me much anxiety wise. The doctor who saw her did advise me that she would need to report my concerns though and has only asked for a stool sample to check if the problem is there. With her seeing her dad 3 times a week for a few hours each time and her being in day care 4 days a week while I am at TAFE and working, I'm at the point where I think I should quit the job but feel it might set me back recovery wise but I'm also scared I may have a mental breakdown if I don't take something off my plate or find the support.

A bit of background is I have been in counciling for 10 years of my life at various times to deal with dysfunctional family and bad relationship issues, I had to make the decision to choose medication for the anxiety after my daughters 2nd birthday (after issues with her dad and him pushing/testing my boundaries by inviting a guy I had never met to our daughters party, he told me within 15 mins of him arriving that his friend was coming to the party. I have always made it clear to him that anxiety wise I need more notice before meeting someone new so I have time to get used to the idea and resolve any anxieties that might come up for me).

Normally now that I'm medicated (6months) I can feel the difference between a catastrophizing thought vs actual concerns but this fear sets off my entire body so I'm really unsure how it can still affect me at the same intensity while medicated.

Sorry this is so long, I haven't spoken to anyone bar 2 people and my psychologist and I tend to get it all out before I loose the courage to keep talking about what's happening for me.

Thanks for replying Applebloosim, some extra back ground is that mental illness does run in my family, but only one of my cousins has received a diagnosis of schizophrenia from drug abuse. There is a long line of alcoholism in the family, and child abuse, I don't drink or smoke but as you can imagine I won't ignore any signs of myself developing anything more than this anxiety disorder. I am worried if it's in my mind then I need more help than what I'm already getting and I need to get it soon so it won't impact my daughter too much.