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Thought bubbles

Used2BeSenior Contributor16 May 2016, 10:46 pm AEST

Thought bubbles

I don't often post on here much anymore, mostly only when I am having a bad day. I used to post more when I was in that frantic stage of getting to grips with my husband's PTSD. Now that he is doing well, other than not wanting to be married to me, it seems that my depression, lurking for so long, has taken the drivers seat again. Well sort of anyway. I often have to put it on hold so that I can take care of everyone else. I have two daughters, one with exam anxiety, mild depression and the other with self esteem issues and an inability to put words to her feelings. We had a family meltdown on Mothers Day, really really really crappy day. Details are too complicated but everyone got to see their respective psychologists, except me. I had to put my emotions on hold while getting everything sorted again. I finally had my chance to see my psych today, and pretty much sobbed the whole session through. So much so that I couldn't return to work. Instead I did what we discussed in my session, taking care of myself. I went to an express/budget salon and coloured my hair and had it cut. I am 42 and 70% gray, and had simply let it slide because it was too much effort to do it myself and I had no money. I also booked my appointment with a dietitian. I have been working hard at doing positive things, for myself, my job (things I have neglected) and I even invited people over on Sunday for afternoon tea. The first time in about 5 years I have had visitors who weren't friends of my kids. I am walking with a friend (I can't say regularly, but we are getting there). I am doing the right things. Except from when I fetched the kids from school, then I had to put everything back in the box, because someone has to cook dinner, wash clothes and check on homework. Husband would normally help, but he is away, doing something very positive in terms of his recovery and helping others. So it is suck it back in till bedtime and try not to cry too loudly. I am tired, so tired, not physically, but emotionally., I am in limbo land with my marriage, with my finances and I no longer have a picture of my future. I know I will get through this, I always do, but I just wish someone could take care of me for a change

2 replies

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In response to: Thought bubbles

AppleblossomSenior Contributor16 May 2016, 11:18 pm AEST

Re: Thought bubbles

Hi @Used2Be

Know the emotional weariness. Sorry mother's day back fired for you. Glad that you are taking positive steps for self care.

In response to: Thought bubbles

Unknown userMember18 May 2016, 6:27 pm AEST

Re: Thought bubbles

Hi @Used2Be. So many ups and downs in your post! It's a bit of a head spin reading it so I can only how it is to live it! From an upsetting mothers day to a counselling session, socialising and self-care but back to needing to put yourself aside to care for your daughters. Add in your husbands diagnosis and current absence. And then throw in uncertainty about the future. No wonder you're exhausted.

You're doing all the right things but it seems like the balance of giving to yourself and others has been out for a while. Hopefully it's just creeping back into balance now. I think we're programmed to think that it's normal to give far more to others than ourselves but it isn't always sustainable. I hope you can keep investing in yourself. When we do that we end up with more to give others. We're happier in ourselves which has a flow on effect to those around us. It's good modelling for your daughters too.

It's great that you believe in your strength to move through this. That's exactly what will get you there. Wishing you renewed energy and more great hair cuts 🙂

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