Topic Tuesday // What online peer support looks like // Tues 16th July, 7pm-9pm AEST

Reflective listening is far more empathetic & helpful (often) than problem-solving mode @Former-Member

When I am distressed, I most need to feel heard (via reflective listening) - not have a pile of trite answers thrown at me (problem-solving mode).

We often know the answers already ourselves (inside).

When we feel supported & listened to (reflectively) - then action comes more easily (afterwards).

Adge

@Former-Member

I find it depends on the day , time , etc

sometimes i can answer straight away and then othr time it take me a minute

Hi everyone @Former-Member @Adge @BlueBay @Razzle @CheerBear @Former-Member and anyone else here tonight. Sorry I'm late joining in, I had another comittment.

I find I try to strike a balance between reflective listening and offering solutions. And when doing the latter I try to ask if something feels like it might help rather than saying 'you should .....' or 'what you need to do is...'. Or else I'll express it as something I found helpful if I've had a similar experience. But it's really important to listen reflectively first to better understand the depth of what someone's going through or feeling.

@Razzle

That's a really good point, checking in on ourselves and measuring what we are capable of giving very powerful thank you.

"But it's really important to listen reflectively first to better understand the depth of what someone's going through or feeling."


@eth thank you

Hi @Snowie too.

I should add that sometimes when a person shares what's going on for them on the forums just writing it all out can help them clarify their thinking in itself. They don't always want advice, so all the more reason to use listening skills first, and ask if they want suggestions or support or both. I'd like to think I'll get better at that.

Hi @Shaz51

Thank you @MDT it's interesting to hear that and makes total sense. I think the key thing regardless is holding compassion either way.

Sometimes in interactions it sort of calls for a solution focused approach, but I notice sometimes people get frustrated. I.e say a friend is in an unhealthy relationship and you give them advice on how to manage, if they choose not to take your advice one can become frustrated. I think sometimes we need to weigh up when to or not to engage in solution-orient help. It sounds like a double edged sword for yourself as well? Sometimes a problem with people feeling dismissed, sometimes helpful!