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Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

Rainy_nightsContributor22 June 2019, 6:37 pm AEST

Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

Hi there,

(I've had to repost this so apologies if you've already read this)

New to the forum and hoping to make sense of my partners mental illness or discuss similar situations as I just feel so alone.

My partner has (untreated) bipolar II and has been in a depressive episode for as long as I've known him (2 years) but I understand that it has been going on for longer than that. I've recently been starting to see a therapist myself as my own mental health has been declining of late as I've become isolated due to his behaviour and by being on maternity leave.

Unfortunately at our worst in our relationship, its mentally, physically and verbally abusive. He manipulates and blames me for triggering him like I'm responsible for his behaviour.

I reached a breaking point after one of our arguments which ended with him verbally and physically abusing me in an effort to belittle me & leave me feeling powerless. I've just felt broken ever since... I'm constantly on the defensive with him now over the smallest things which has left me snappy or with an attitude as he likes to call it. I'm just so unsure on how to repair what has been damaged.

He has made small improvements over the last 6 months but I don't feel our relationship getting any better.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and has overcome the resentment?

Any advice would be appreciated.

15 replies

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In response to: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

Rainy_nightsContributor28 June 2019, 11:51 pm AEST

Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

Thank you @Shaz51

@Ali11 they certainly do! But I wouldn't have it any other way - he is the most incredible little human 😊

I am loving my study, so glad I took the plunge and did it - its something I've always wanted to do but thought I never could.

@SuzieQ I'm sure it gets worse (in a sense) before it gets better when choosing to walk away but I could only imagine the weight that would be lifted by doing so.

I find it difficult with the thought of leaving our son with him if we were to split. He rarely looks after him alone or has any responsibility with looking after our son on the daily, but I know when we argue about if I was to leave, he always says that he would want shared custody (1 week him, 1 week me). And once he has an idea in his head, he won't stop until he gets his way and I guess that is one thing that is deterring me from leaving too... at least this way our son is 100% in my care until I figure out the legalities of it all.

Dont get me wrong, he is a great dad when he wants to interact with him but he is yet to prove that he can be a full-time parent.

In response to: Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

SuzieQContributor29 June 2019, 12:00 am AEST

Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

I understand your doubts about having your partner look after your son alone - that is a serious consideration. That's difficult. Maybe if you went to family court he wouldnt get shared custody or any custody rights except supervised visits if you told the courts about his threats and abuse.

In response to: Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

Rainy_nightsContributor29 June 2019, 12:11 am AEST

Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

It's something I'd certainly be looking in to.

I just know he depends on our son for his happiness though, I don't want to take that from him either.

In response to: Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

Ali11Senior Contributor30 June 2019, 9:30 am AEST

Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

It's a really challenging position to be in @Rainy_nights, weighing up the safety of your son and yourself against the happiness of your partner. It sounds like you're being thoughtful about this situation and that's good. Happy to hear that the study is something you never thought you could do, it must feel great to be learning and following your passion

In response to: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

TennesseeContributor17 July 2019, 10:43 am AEST

Re: Bipolar II partner - feeling overwhelmed

@Rainy_nights

Hi!

I can see lots of similarities with your difficulties dealing with your partner as I am having with my son. (who has had diagnosis of Bipolar 11 in the past)

Im glad you are getting help and support.

Its good to reach out

Take care

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