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Not sure what’s going on in my head

Sadness20Casual Contributor20 June 2019, 10:19 am AEST

Not sure what’s going on in my head

I have no idea where to start. I just feel comepletly worthless and u happy.

After domestic violence when I was 16 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, for. Short time I was seeing a therapist and medicated until I stopped and found they weren’t really helping me so I turned to animals for my relief which do work.

The past 3 years I’ve been seeing this guy. For the first year he was married then he left her and his divorce has been dragged out and going through settlement.

We we broke up briefly as I completely shut down and couldn’t handle life and I feel I’m nearly at that point of shutting down again.

Its not not fair on him for me to always be so angry and anxious about everything to do with mine and his life together. He struggles to know how to support me because he has grown up with depression and amity are all in your head and it’s left me trying to sort my feelings out on my own.

I’m always on a roller coast of emotions from the highest of highs to hitting rock bottom and wanting to not be around anymore. (I don’t actually have the guts to end my own life though).

im so lost, I feel that most of my emotions are only to do with him, I’m not angry or sad at anyone else only with our relationship ship. I have no idea what to do and can’t face him to keep telling me that I’ll be ok and it’s all in my head and the way I think and feel is stupid

9 replies

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In response to: Not sure what’s going on in my head

Gazza75Senior Contributor20 June 2019, 12:03 pm AEST

Re: Not sure what’s going on in my head

Hi @Sadness20 , welcome to the forums and its nice to meet you. It sounds like you have been handling it pretty well to Me. Have you considered getting therapy again and talking to someone about everything you are going through? I'm glad you have animals to help you through the really hard times. I think in a meaningful relationship you have to understand and help each other, without that thngs can break down pretty rapidly.

What you feel is real and valid and for him to tell you otherwise is wrong. I hope others here can help give you a sense of direction and support, but, your definitely not alone. Its nice to see you here and your brave for posting about everything you are going through. Stay strong and as positive as you can.

In response to: Not sure what’s going on in my head

Ali11Senior Contributor20 June 2019, 10:02 pm AEST

Re: Not sure what’s going on in my head

Welcome to the forums and sending love @Sadness20, it can be really exhausting to have a partner who doesn't support your feelings. Especially with that background of domestic violence which may still play into feelings now subconsciously. @Gazza75 has a good point, have you thought of speaking with someone other than that previous therapist about what's going on?

In response to: Not sure what’s going on in my head

MeowmySenior Contributor22 June 2019, 5:45 pm AEST

Re: Not sure what’s going on in my head

@Sadness20 Don’t worry too much. I think what you are feeling is quite normal given your circumstances. I had similar experiences. At the end of my Uni life, I was engaged to a fellow Uni student. My father had other plans for me to make mega bugs. So he and my brother made, pushed me to leave my financee. I fell very ill. After that I only have male friends who won’t be available to me in real terms. I never got attached in real terms to anyone sensible. But I am okay now,live a single life which is not unhappy. Domestic violence is so evil done by male parent and brother. Wish you the best. Take care.

@Ali11

In response to: Re: Not sure what’s going on in my head

Shaz51Senior Contributor04 July 2019, 2:35 pm AEST

Re: Not sure what’s going on in my head

hello @Sadness20

checking in to see how you are today my friend

In response to: Re: Not sure what’s going on in my head

Sadness20Casual Contributor04 July 2019, 2:51 pm AEST

Re: Not sure what’s going on in my head

Hello, thank you for checking in.

After my breakdown last Monday at home having a panic attack which caused me to faint, I dragged my bum to work where I have support from the wonderful ladies I work with who helped me to book a doctors appointment (one of the girls gave up their appointment so I could have it) and Wednesday I went to the doc.

Outcome was severe depression a dam anxiety with the possible cause being caused by to much stress in my life at the moment. Got a referral to a physiologist (same one I saw years ago) but I’m committed to stick at it this time.

things are still very on edge with my partner and I’ve been on holidays for a week now which hasn’t done me a great help because I’m all alone but not having panic attacks like I was last week

In response to: Re: Not sure what’s going on in my head

Shaz51Senior Contributor04 July 2019, 3:01 pm AEST

Re: Not sure what’s going on in my head

my husband has had depression all his lif and has bipolar11 and panic attacks

panic attacks are not nice @Sadness20

sooo glad you got to see the doctor and have Got a referral to a physiologist my friend

do you have a coping Box , things that you like doing that can help you through your days , like hobbies

do you have any furbabies xx

In response to: Re: Not sure what’s going on in my head

Sadness20Casual Contributor04 July 2019, 4:10 pm AEST

Re: Not sure what’s going on in my head

I have a cat which I got after DV years ago who is the most unhelpful therapy cat as she hates anyone near her. And I have a horse who gets me through most the time. Been a hard week being flooded out of the farm so I can’t go see my horse.

I was was just on the phone to the physiologist and can’t get an appointment till late August! What a JOKE! Just sent me into a crying fit.

Amazing though that I called my partner while in tears to tell him and out of no where he asked me how he can help and support me. I told him I just want to be hugged and he is going to try get off work early and come see me! Hopefully he has realised he has been a jerk

In response to: Re: Not sure what’s going on in my head

Shaz51Senior Contributor04 July 2019, 4:20 pm AEST

Re: Not sure what’s going on in my head

hugssss @Sadness20

In response to: Not sure what’s going on in my head

BrokengirlNew Contributor05 July 2019, 1:31 pm AEST

Re: Not sure what’s going on in my head

Hi Sadness20,

Thank you for sharing your story, just know you are not alone.

I myself went through a roller-coaster of emotions not that long ago- hitting "rock bottom" you could say. I knew I needed help, but was reluctant to reach out to anyone for help. Long story short, I did reach out for clinical support and continue to do so today.

I applaude you in taking the appropriate step to reach out for support. In regards to your partner, patience and communication is vital in your recovery. It's also quite hard for a loved one to deal with mental health, but it sounds like he is trying to be there for you but just doesn't know how.

I hope you are experiencing positive emotions at present and please keep us updated on your journey. Tc

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