Thanks @Queenie .
Yes I did know that alcohol is a depressant and I have seen others on that spiral. I am not sure why but I do enjoy good quality drinks when I am in a good mood. Nice wines and good spirits (not mixed) can be pleasurable. When I am down even the thought of alcohol will make me feel ill. If that were not the case there is a good chance I would now be dependant on it. It is only lately I have wondered if that is also why my use of antidepressants has been unsuccessful. When I have been prescribed them over the years each time they have had an effect but one which is negative. It is why I will not try them again. I know that those medications would probably push me over an edge, so best avoided.
I have had a Mental Health Plan and saw a local shrink. One who had a very good reputation. My sessions there had some good aspects but seeing someone only limited occasions was not that helpful. Friends have said I really should be admitted for a period but that has always been a problem and now is completely out of the question. The high incidence of tobacco use in the local Mental Health facility and my hypersensitivity means I could not go there. I have also been a patient in that hospital for medical reasons and in a nine day stay I only had a piece of fruit a day. The quality of the food was so poor I would not eat it and the smell would make me nauseous. The nursing staff did send a dietitian and I spoke to them and eventually they agreed that the quality was dire.
It is also the place I used to work and where I acquired my PTSD. Even driving past now makes me feel excessively nervous, so there is no way I could be admitted. That is why I have to be very careful with what I say to any therapist as I made the mistake of being honest once and was taken there as an involuntary admission. I soon worked out what lies I had to tell them to leave and that is a lesson learned. So I now do not have any public health or mental health services available to me.
