My head hurts

hi @behindthebeard

welcome to the forums, you're a valued and welcome member here

I am a major bridge-burner & have rage issues so you are doing very well if you can partner & have a child. I find it difficult to have commited relationships. Congratualations on your son, that must be very inspiring to be a parent, I'm just an aunt but with my complex mental health issues that's about all I can manage. I put as much energy into being a supportive aunt as I can, as I know that kids absorb everything like a sponge while they are developing and it's so important to mirror back appropriate emotions and so on.

It is hard to be emotionally stable and reliable, someonbe else's rock, when you have bpd traits. I found medication helpful but still struggle with relationships - especially family relationships, they are complicated. I'm trying to support my brother with his recent psychosis (and his young daughter) but it's hard work. It's great that you are trying to be reliable, especially with a new born baby.

Do you have any supports in place like a psychologist or support group or perhaps a psychiatrist? I ask because my psychiatrist is a great support to me, he really understands my plight and wants only the best quality of life for me. Like no-one else.

I wonder if some others with BPD on the forum may like to chip in, @outlander woudl you like to reply & do you know anyone else on the forum who may be relevant here?

@behindthebeard it may be wise to hold on to your employment. I have been unemployed for 7 years due to my mental illness and it's really hard. So I encourage you to keep your employment if you can.

Yes, I find that it's easy to identify a trigger. I react with nightmarish rage/psychotic symptoms quickly and cannot come down from that for days. It would be good for you to be able to identify triggers. Then you can avoid them or learn how to respond to them - what are your recent triggers? Do you have any help from a psychologist with how to manage this reaction...with breathing or mindfulness?

Don't lose hope @behindthebeard there are ways of coping with BPD and with being triggered. You are not alone. Lots of us here at the forums experience with being triggered & with BPD. Let us know how you are going and if you want to tag someone just use the @ symbol before their name & they'll be notified.

Welcome to the forums @behindthebeard and congratulations on having a great couple of years living with BPD. Echoing @BryanaCamp, do you have a medical team that you can lean on for support and guidance through this time?

Hi @behindthebeard and welcome

Thank you for the tag @BryanaCamp

Im on my phone at the moment so its abit hard to type a better response but in here and listening. I have bpd myself so can understand some of the difficulties.

Ill come back to better respond in the morning but in the meantime please continue to talk to others here and have a look around and join in where you like

Thank you @outlander @Ali11 And @BryanaCamp For your reply, with my work I really don't won't to quit it's just I feel like I self sabotage myself and talk myself out of a great job, I've probably had 5 jobs in 3 years and have moved location twice with my family so it's really hard on them and I don't want that anymore, what would be ideal is that I worked for myself but to get the financials to do this is way to much and there's no one to help me do this, my wife is supportive of my BPD but I still see the frustration and and anger and sadness in her sometimes and this can only fuel me on more which I hate, I'm constantly apologizing I just want to be the best husband and father, I have no one to help me besides my wife I have one best friend who doesn't understand the extent to how bad I am and my family don't either, I've tried medication but it either makes me more tired, I have been to the doctor and they wanted me to do a blood test, I don't see how this will help when I've already been diagnosed with BPD and I can't afford to pay for anything, I think this is a trigger being under financial stress but that can be for everyone also my wife has been sick and had a major operation, I feel like I have so much anger in me sometimes and I'm on the edge of exploding, I have a physical job and I work out at home but nothing seems to curb the rage I feel, I've tried mindfulness and listen to podcasts but I'm really struggling I can't be this man specially for my family

Thanks for sharing that with us @behindthebeard, that's a powerful share When you talk yourself out of a job, do you write down pros and cons, or is it more of a long term gradual feeling until something pushes or you hit a limit? It's good that your wife is understanding, and it's natural to worry about whether you're being the best husband or father. The hardest thing is forgiving yourself, and it's a daily practice that many of us are also working on. You've joined a great group here, please feel welcome to join any of the threads, talk to us about how your day has been. There's almost always someone online here and there are quite a few good threads to be involved in