Saturday Soiree - all welcome!!

Hey @MDT nice to see you. How's today going so far?

Found this this morning - loving it and the memories ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BTVkHs8FCA

@eth Good morning / afternoon 🤷‍♀️

lovely message from you to start the day - Thankyou for sharing and caring enough to share

tagging @Kate12 who is new to the forums as she may enjoy the Saturday banter

@eth hi I'm Sophie and my MsSophie life partner has Bipolar II , anxiety , depression , ptsd and chronic migraines ... I am struggling to work out how to support her the best way without being over bearing or ignoring her either ...

so you said I could ask a question ... MsS (my partner) spends a lot of time in bed - can you offer any insights to this ? Sometimes it's pain related and sometimes it's tiredness and her therapist has said it is a way to hide ... but I have never been able to change it .. that sounds silly that I am trying to be responsible but I feel like if I just let it continue am i somehow to blame ? What should i do ? I feel like I don't know what to say to her about it ?

@MDT good morning midday this cold Saturday !

hmm the last kingdom - I haven't tried that and am looking for a new show ... have you watched all the seasons ? I loved Vikings , Tudors, game of thrones and am a general fan of seeing authentic attempts at historical settings with beautiful clothes and breathtaking scenery ... will give it a go

and study in IT sounds interesting - I'm currently doing a coursera course in machine learning - altho I am a total not techy so steep learning curve here - ouch that's my brain hurting - the coding and maths bit in particular .. speaking of which I am going to have a go at my first coding assignment today - 😳😬😬😬😬

Hi @Sophie1 and thanks for tagging @Kate12 who I welcome to the forums.

I'll try to answer you @Sophie1 but remember I'm just talking from my own experience ... I spent several years a lot of the time in bed, sometimes reading, sometimes sleeping but often just lying there with my eyes shut. Lots of reasons - post trauma recovery, agoraphobia, social phobia, depression ... and the reasons would vary from person to person. Also even when not in bed I avoided going out for anything but essentials. So for me it was a combination of necessary recovery time after horrid events, and avoiding anything that felt difficult or unsafe for me (I had lost my ability to trust anyone or anything), or depression getting the better of me. Looking back I don't think anyone (even psychologist) was able to encourage me to change that pattern by anything they said, especially not negative comments about 'still in bed' or even 'give it a try' . But I got so isolated and unwell that eventually my therapist asked me to think about whether it was possible to ask for help from my family. It was hard but I did it and it changed my life. So I'm saying that it really is up to the person doing the behaviour as to when they are able to receive or let alone ask for help. But gentle suggestions of seeing psychologist and psychiatrist, or at least talking to their gp might help - but I would word it like a question "have you thought about ...?" rather than "you should ..." or "what you need is ...". It's a real challenge as your person might feel super defensive and shut down even more. Modelling healthier behaviour just quietly is probably the best way to go and just inviting them sometimes, even if it's just to sit in the sunshine for a cuppa or go for a walk around the block with you. But no pressure on them if they're not up to it. One thing I've definitely learned is that the road to recovery is a timeless thing, there are no set times how long it should take and it varies for everyone. And I don't mean cure. This might be of interest to you - Recovery Model

It wasn't until I had support (I relocated to a cabin my brother and sister-in-law built for me in their back yard) that I started to form goals for small steps towards being more functional. It's baby steps when coming back into the world after a long time out. Not sure that what I've written will feel achieveable, but I guess my experience shows that ultimately what's best is just to be very patient and love them as they are. Offer to sit with them or read to them or listen to something they like perhaps. Sometimes all you can do is hold space for them to emerge as and when they are ready to.

hello @eth , @MDT , @Sophie1 , @Snowie , @Fluttershy1