Heartbroken

@Doglover Oh Doglover I wish I could give you an answer I can't I am sorry. Mi is a b1tch and attacks on so many fronts. It basically k1lled my marriage. I don't know what to say except I feel your pain and am here for a shoulder to cry on when things get too tough for you to handle alone. Love always greenpeaxxx

Just wanted you to know I read your post @Doglover . I'm so sad for you. I was in a similar place for a very long time and I'm teary as I write this. Things are better for me now, though loneliness still shadows me. Things didn't work out how I wanted, but I have recovered a lot. Thinking of you.

Hi @Doglover , I don't have any magic answers i'm afraid. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and you have some support on here. I think you know that already. 🙂

Maybe it's done some good to get it out of your system and you can look at ways of trying to get things back to how they were if that's possible.

Sometimes when we hit rock bottom there's only one way to go. Your still together and it sounds like he still loves and cares about you regardless of how strained things feel between you.

I'm no expert on relationships, having only a handful my entire life. Is it mainly your MI that is contributing to the breakdown or are there other factors at play as well? Maybe you can both get therapy if your both open to that? I know its pretty tough to battle through the quagmire of life feeling alone and like no one understands. The last year or so has kicked my ass in that regard.

It's pretty gut wrenching not being able to help you more. Try and stay as positive as your able to.

Hi @frog , thanks heaps for ur reply, and understanding.

Im sorry things didnt work out the way u wld hav liked, but glad ur doing ok with that now. Im sorry my post brought up some tough emotions for u.

I just dont know how to get past where im at, and how to cope in a marriage that is a shell of what it once was - not bcoz we dont love each other, we do, but bcoz of the impact of my MI and hubby's reaction to it. Its a tough tough road that i never ever thought i wld b walking.

Thanks again for thinking of me @frog , and for your understanding. Much appreciated. Xxx

Hi @Gazza75 , thanks so much for your heartfelt post, i rly appreciate it. Thank u for ur support.

I hav defiinitely hit rock bottom, and hav bn down here for a while, cant seem to see the way up. But ur right, my husband still loves me very much, he just doesnt know how to handle this situation, so what he does is shut down, or shuts off to it so he doesnt hav to find a way of dealing with it. That creates great strain between us bcoz of the lack of compassion and interest and care for what i am going thru. So it is mainly my MI that is the problem, and his reaction to it. But thr r a lot of other factors that add to the strain too - we struggle big time to make ends meet financially, my job is currently being held open but we dont know how long for, my husband only has a small intermittent income, its tough going. I wld like to get counselling but we cldnt afford it if we had to pay, and i dont know if my husband wld b up for it anyway. Might ask my OT if she knows of any options.

Yes loneliness is a kicker isnt it. You can be married, or in the company of family or friends and feel totally alone. Im sorry uv had such a hard time with that too. I guess it goes with the territory doesnt it?!

Thanks so much @Gazza75 for rly wishing u cld do something to help, thats very kind of u.

I will do my best to look at the positives, but as im sure you can understand, thats not always easy.

Thanks again for your care. I really appreciate it.

@Bunniekins , im so sorry. So your marriage broke up due mainly to ur MI? Im so very sorry. I am so scared thats going to hapn to us. Or if it doesnt, that we will just be existing together in the same house but not rly living as husband and wife. I just dont understand why it seems to b so hard to treat MI to a degree that ppl can get on and live a relatively normal life. Thank u for ur offer of support @Bunniekins , i just dont know how to go on from here. I love my husband so much, as he does me, but im so scared the strain is going to tear us apart. Im so scared about so many things for the future. Im trying to just take 1 day at a time but not doing a very gd job of it. Im just so scared that im never going to get ne better and that this is my life now, and i just dont know that i cld handle that!

Well thr u go, iv used ur shoulderr alrdy! Thanks @Bunniekins . Xxx

@Doglover Oh Doglover the fact that you both still love and care about each other is very positive. The fact that you both still have that connection is wonderful.My ex went and had an affair with a colleague and just didn't know I was sick at that time as I wasn't diagnosed and I have to admit (from what I remember) I was impossible to live with completely out of my mind. My situation was totally different from yours 🙂 As long as the will is there which you say it is I am sure you both can move mountains :). Keep the communication up and look after each other is the pea's advice and Doglover don't be hard on yourself as you say lil steps lil steps forward. I am always here. greenpeaxxxx

Thank u sweet Pea for ur encouragement and advice. Xxx

We do love each other very much, but my husband doesnt know how to handle this, and doesnt rly want to know. Its a lonely road. Thr r occasional glimpses of closeness but mostly thrs so much distance, like a brick wall betwn us that i cant penetrate. He just doesnt want to know how im doing or if im struggling (which i always am atm) bcoz he just cant deal with it. Very sad bcoz i just hav to keep it bottled up which is rly hard. Thats why i let it out on here, hav to hav some sort of outlet right? But thank u for ur encouragement. Ur right, our situation is different to urs (for which i am extremely sorry that u hav had to go thru). Hopefully we can make it thru this rough season and hopefully thr will b better days ahead.

Thanks fot ur love and support @Bunniekins xxx

The only constant in life is change.

The "you" of the past is gone as is you husband of the same time. They live in another universe and you are both here now.

Remember them, they are important.

Can you talk to your GP about a Mental Health Plan? I have had one but due to my circumstances it was not for me, but imaybe it could help you both?

Learn to love the "You" which exists now.

Hi again @Doglover , my thought's have been with you. Thanks for responding and being as strong as you are through this. It's hard struggling with uncertain finances, I've been there myself and it makes life so much more diffucult. Throw MI on top of that and I think most mortals would crumble.

Most people struggle to be open, honest, brave enough to talk about mental health stuff. Men are probably the worst at it.

Before t went through my own dramas I really didn't know much about it or where you would begin. I think the most important thing is to try and take care of yourself as best you can, which you are doing. Reach out on here or wherever you need to, i don't think theres a right or wrong way to battle through this. Each of us have to forge our own path and way as best we can.

Maybe you could look for something new to do together? A shared interest or perhaps something you used to do, but haven't in a long time? As @Bunniekins said it's one small step at a time.

Loneliness is definitely a kicker, i've been struggling with that one for a while. I know its not easy to look at the positives, its natural for us to think otherwise. But, where theres life theres hope 🙂

Take care