burnout

Hi @outlander

Congrats on becoming a Community Guide - well done - this gives you something positive to do in an environment that is supportive - that's good

My mother had some kind of dementia - because I was always on the outside of everything I don't know anything about it but I couldn't tolerate her snarling at me and there was very little support from her through my life - esp the really hard parts so I was able to self-care and keep away - knowing my sister was invested with the various tasks of caring for mum's affairs while she was in Aged Care

I don't feel guilty for doing that but it was a hard choice - I have learned more about dementia since and I know that feeling guilty goes hand-in-hand with caring for someone with dementia - it's hard work - it's unpredicatable and worse still

Your mother laughs - oh boy - I have to ask who would be looking after your Pop if you weren't there to do it?

And those other answers too - You're his carer and he does need anything else and if you do that you're on your own - ooohhhh that is so harsh -

And yes - I think my message is about self-care but it almost seems that self-care comes last automatically because of the needs of the person with dementia - if he is getting worse then his doctor needs to know

Because you need support to be able to support - doing so much on your own is hard work and I hear you - it's a great job you are doing but you must get very tired and confused at time

Hard yards

Dec

Hello @outlander @Owlunar

I agree with Dec ....also having had experience witnessing a loved one go through the varying stages of dementia...is helpful for you to read about outlander..

Alzheimers...Dementia...Parkinsons Disease and many others are all illnesses that none of us wish to experience..

Life includes some dreadful situations...traumas...

As much as it is so frustrating and anxiety ridden for the sufferer....increasingly so bringing anger and disbelief with it.

These are all part of the reality sadly and can not be minimalised for the way that you are feeling..

Research more and more when you have enough energy..

Find a support group that you might initially be able to communicate via technology with...once having explained your situation..

Looking after you as we have said is paramount along with not chastising yourself for not being able to do more or even make him better..

Preparing yourself for the time when the best help that he can have for his health and safety is with qualified people in this field...

You will of course be able to visit him...he will always know how much you have cared and loved him with all of your heart.

Believe that Outlander....

Do not allow others who do not have the compassion that you do sway you in this knowledge..

He will always have you in his heart and he in yours..

Remembering also that you are in preparation mind and body for your upcoming operation..

💜💛💚

Hello @outlander @Owlunar

I agree with Dec ....also having had experience witnessing a loved one go through the varying stages of dementia...is helpful for you to read about outlander..

Alzheimers...Dementia...Parkinsons Disease and many others are all illnesses that none of us wish to experience..

Life includes some dreadful situations...traumas...

As much as it is so frustrating and anxiety ridden for the sufferer....increasingly so... bringing anger and disbelief with it.

These outbursts of anger and frustration are about the sufferer not the carer...

These are all part of the reality sadly and can not be minimalised for the way that you are feeling..

Research more and more when you have enough energy..

Find a support group that you might initially be able to communicate via technology with...once having explained your situation..

Looking after you as we have said is paramount along with not chastising yourself for not being able to do more or even make him better..

Preparing yourself for the time when the best help that he can have for his health and safety is with qualified people in this field...

You will of course be able to visit him...he will always know how much you have cared and loved him with all of your heart.

Believe that Outlander....

Do not allow others who do not have the compassion that you do sway you in this knowledge..

He will always have you in his heart and he in yours..

Remembering also that you are in preparation mode for mind and body for your upcoming operation..

💜💛💚

sorry about double posting

I keep on getting red banners ..try again..

hence double posts...

you only need read my words once laugh xx

So sorry to hear that you have been through so much @outlander

I am relieved to read that the doctors are doing something about this situation...

Extremely high blood pressure not good though..

Body is telling you enough...

Yes you most definitely have handled the whole situation extremely well along with all of the other times let alone with what else is happening for you in your life.

For someone so young you have handled such extreme pressure remarkably..

Nevertheless....you know this was coming...

No messing around with blood pressure now....

keep doctor informed re situation with your Pop.

Ask for procedure in emergency ....a back up plan with emergency respite care for someone with dementia...

names...phone numbers...

Hopefully wont be needed...if do far less stressful for you both...

In the interim rest...gentle stuff...wash only what need...forget cleaning....keep warm...cuddly teddy bear? no that is me who has those....they really do help...

something that you can watch on tv?netflix? a good book if you can concentrate....a gentle activity to lose yourself in..

will try to get back to you during the week...

You are doing well Outlander....there is some control in the out of control situation now...

Well done

Be Proud...Keep warm...Keep safe...Believe in you.,.,

xx

Hello @outlander

I wanted to quickly follow up with a few people.

You were definitely on my mind therefore on the list.

Great to read your response....I read some self recognition and self awareness between the lines there.

Even doctors can miss things that give clues of what might be going on behind the scenes...

You have done well to persist in getting some needs met for your Pop....further tests....acat assessment will be very good and get things moving when needed...

As you say having things starting to happen for a better quality of life for you both is a comfort .....

An opportunity for you to let go of some of those pent up feelings of needing to be heard....noticed.....acknowledged...

Also just as important your Pop is being treated with respect and care....So very important with this diagnosis...

You can prepare better for your operation and your self care...knowing that something will be put in place for your Pop's welfare and safety..

I keep on saying that I must try and persevere with outlander...so many people have said the same as you...stick with it...well worthwhile...

I had a day yesterday where I walked...did some rehab at the gym walked again....Fell apart after lunch....Virus thingy that is lurking....throat and glands in neck....in the afternoon and early eveing became a sloth...laying on the settee catching up on "Trauma" and another series about undercover agents...can't remember name...

today husband unwell...I went on own to visit mum ....her birthday friday gone....ordered home made apple pie from a country bakery on the way....was delightful...served with custard for all of us english heritage folk...went down well...

a bit frightening on the way home...very windy through the hills...wet and windy...festival on so many buses...people crossing roads....I was worn out when I got home...I am not used to driving at night...first long drive on my own for some time....made it though....another tick...

You have many ticks also....

we could start a chart....

another thread for you???

am pleased that you have achieved what you have...

take care

ps..I have many teddy bears....I will send you a virtual one...perhaps two just in case...

they didnt work

will try later

sleep well xx

Hi @Sophia1 it is really good to see you when you can. It makes my heart warm when i see your name popping up.

Thank you for your post. Im aware that posting can be challanging for you but i am grateful to you and to have your support.

I can be a little stubborn with some things. I fall down and struggle to get back up but when it comes to others and their health i have abit of fire and my stubborn nature comes out and wont let it go until things start to happening. Thankfully this new gp is listening and is on board with starting these assessments. Its a little upsetting that its had to come to this point before anyone would listen to me but i guess the more importsnt thing is that he is going to get help and we are on the right path now.

Yes i really do need to keep looking after myself with a pending surgury. I almost had to take an emergent trip to a gp since my bp was up at 177/ something that i cant remember but thankfully after 5 minutes it dropped down to a non urgent matter. Was abit scary.

Your days sound busy and im proud of you for getting through with your driving in those conditions. It can be quite scary esp when your on your own. I try not to drive in those conditions but not always avoidable.

I love apple pie and custard as does my pop. He has diabetes though and im dieting so we dont have it to often but its a yummy treat.

Are you feeling a little better today? And hubby too? Sorry about the virus. Illness is hitting hard this winter thsts for sure.

Look after yourself 💕

A chart? A new thread? Im curious as to how you would set this up. I am open to this and id encourage others to join in with me as well.

We have a thread called daily check in, motivation (and goals i think is the end of it).

Thamks for sharing your teddies with me. Thats kind of you 💚