Death

I just heard that my uncle passed away. He was literally the only nice & normal one in the family & I didn't even know he was sick.

I geuss I won't be able to go to his funeral because of my agoraphobia - & cptsd , anxiety & depression -giving the horrible members of my family more ammunition to talk shit about me amounts themselves.

I also don't want to go even if I could for fear of running into abusive family members-

not that I would be able to if I wanted to - but what am I supposed to say as an excuse- they don't understand or have any care or compassion.

This is is bringing up a lot of traumatic memories of when my mum passed away & how I was being actively abused by narcissitic family members trying to destroy me.

My dad has not bothered to call me-& I don't know if I should contact him- it's just going to trigger me & lead me into a serious downward spiral.

I don't know what is the point of this life it just goes from bad to worse one thing after another- there is never any good or happiness events that take place