Death

Hi @Serenity1
It can be so painful when someone that we care for passes away, and feelings can be particularly complicated when conenctions with family are strained. Please take good care of yourself there. I am also going to send you an email in a moment.

I hear you @Serenity1

You need to care for youself first of all - and now your uncle has died - depending on your beliefs - he knows how you care and going to his funeral for social reasons will be hard for you - and not even your father let you know

Families - I could tell a tale but not right now - it's your story

You have enough MI issues - it's up to you whether you go and you asked what sort of excuse you can give about not going - ah - that's a tough one

Tell them you're not well atm - and that's true - you are not - and they might ask what's wrong with you and I suggest you just tell him you are sending your respects and leave it at that

But from what you say about them I don't think they will ask - but have your sentence ready just in case

Btw - there are no special words to console people when they are bereaved - it would be great if there were - you have just had a significant loss and this will be difficult for you esp with a toxic family

Sending best thoughts

Dec

Hi @Serenity1

That's a very shoddy way for your family to treat and I have a good idea what it feels like. Yes - it would make you feel sick having people treat you that way - as if you're not important, insignifcant as you say. like you don't count. It's really cruel to be treated like that

I was without my family during the worst years of my life and since my parents died my siblings have carried on with their discrimination. I am sure we are better off without toxic relationships but it is very hard

You are certainly entitled to feel the way you do - you are worth more than that - you deserve better - that's for sure

It's not a good idea to have anything to do with your father - I agree - you do not need to be victimize and traumatized further and you don't need to be depressed again

All the best Jojo - I have not idea why families sometimes act the way they do -

Dec

@Serenity1 I have sometimes not been to a funeral, and other times been to too many funerals.

I hear you about your father and family.

The important thing is to find a way for you to process your grief of your uncle moving forward. It can be in framing a favourite photo for the wall, or lighting a candle or writing a poem or drawing a picture.

It is best if we can wor through it in community but if that is not happening, do something that completely suite your own personality and your feelings.

Sorry life gets this way. Hope some good moments come soon.

@Serenity1 I'm sorry to hear about your lovely uncle... I get along with mine also, but he lives overseas unfortunately. I do know exactly how you feel. I'd deliberately not attend family events, just like you. However, the question you should ask yourself is that would you feel any regrets if you didn't pay your last respect? or was it the case that you hardly saw him? And, your biological father, is he a narcisist too? Coould you perhaps reach out to him?

Answer when you are able @Serenity1

I know you aren't alone in the "being rejected by your family stuff" - it is always hard and when someone dies and you aren't told - harder

There is no rush - take your time

Dec