Self-love and Self-Hatred

@SkyView7

I like your phrases

"recursive continuity"

and "love endures"

Hi @Appleblossom @SkyView7 @Shaz51 @BlueBay @Razzle @Former-Member @outlander @Razzle @Gazza75 @GaryW75

I haven't abandoned this thread - we had a crisis in our family - my son-in-law had an emergency triple bypass operation and I am really happy to report that he is coming home today. He has a lot of rehab to do to recover his health but I am just glad we still have him - this could have been a disaster

Back to the thread - I have been thinking a lot about this and the issues of self-love and self-hatred and I really appreciate all the feed-back and I have considered many things and wondered a lot about it

This is an open discussion and I think it's really important. People seem to have developed self-hatred because of things that have happened during their childhood - including me - and it seems to be really worse for people who have suffered sexual abuse - however

When we are children we are little and helpless - we started off totally innocent and needed nappies - luckily we don't usually remember that - but we did grow and got bigger and started learning and made mistakes and childhood - we are told - is the best time of our lives but is it?

Our feelings for self-love and/or self-hatred must develop then - but what causes one or the other to develop and take over?

And what can we do about it as adults?

I know somewhere along the way I won - I have self-esteem now - I know the things I did during my life time set me up to achieve - I remember making positive decisions when I was as young as 5 years old - no one gave me permission to make these decisions - I just did

How about other people? Can our childlike decisions make a difference? Did we get into trouble when we make them?

I started this discussion some time back under Awareness of Women's Mental Health - in Lived Experience - but as time passed I realised that men needed to be considered in the discussion - also - it's a huge subject

Thanks everyone who has added their thoughts

Dec

Hi @Owlunar, great to see this thread is still active, and great to hear your son in law is out so quickly. Less than a week after major surgery.

I mentioned in another thread how I made a fairly momentous decision at the age of four, so I agree that even so young we bear great responsibility.

Very early in my infancy I remember being a great dreamer. I used to visit places my family never went to, and I remember dreaming of things which only an infant could dream of. But at the age of four I realized that I couldn't do this anymore, I was limited to my family's house and the behaviour of my parents and siblings, so I made the decision to rehearse as much as I could of what it was like before, and later in my twenties I spent time retrieving these memories. They were partly responsible for the development of my psychosis. I knew from my own experience that there was much more to consciouness than what most people content themselves with.

My childhood was fairly idylic, but in my twenties I was determined to make my own way in the world and to follow my own path which was contrary to what my siblings were doing, and what my parents hoped for and expected of me. So this is where the conflict began in my life.

@OwlunarThat is a good direction to take conversation.

Like @SkyView7 I made a few good decisions in my childhood. Many I never regretted.

I was just talking about my sister who died. Her case manager told her she had to come to terms with a decision she made at 8, that of returning to her family (us). She really struggled with that. I feel it was so crucial a decision, that she should have been lead to accepting her own thinking and to have respect for her lack of full social awareness. The way she struggled with it seemed they were putting more responsibility on her shoulders than seemed right for an 8 year old. How can an 8 yo know all the consequences of moving from one family to another, one social class to another and to a different city.

Resolving ambivalence can be hard, but I do think humans have a knack for trying to do the best they can with the knowledge they have....

I would like to welcome @Maggie to this thread -

She has posted a very interesting article on Self-abandoment under a thread healing of the same name - I think she could add a great deal to our discussion here to

Dec

@Appleblossom @SkyView7 @BlueBay @Shaz51 @Razzle and others

@Owlunar Just read the first three pages. I'm a little shaky, so much of me here, angry inner child/children, years of abuse. Self love being unbelievable. And SO much more.

Thanks for the tag, a very challenging discussion.

Thanks everyone for your heroic bravery.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6mFsV_5fAuU

Thsnkyiu for sharing @Maggie beautiful song. listening to the song brought lots of tears.

Im struggling so much eith self love and hatred.

Gosh right now I’m feeling like my inner child that needs a hug. 😢

Welcome @Maggie. I’m interested to read your thread that @Owlunar mentioned. About to head into an appointment with my councillor but I’ll definately take a look later today.

Big hugs @BlueBay ❤️❤️

Hi @Razzle @BlueBay @Maggie

I am so glad you people are interacting with info from these two threads and yes - @BlueBay - time to give your inner child a hug

We all still have that inner child - they can work well for us when we are anticipating Christmas etc - but we give them a hard time sometimes - they must be the point where we start loving ourselves

It's really interesting that we can hate that inner child - and sad -

Remember - I think our parents were imperfect - they most likely did the best they could - some failed and some failed miserably but so do we - it is a great relief to forgive people - it lightens our load a great deal -

And we don't have to forget the parts that are so painful - we just need to accept them

I wish I could explain this better - perhaps someone else can

Dec