Sitting alone trying to hold on.

Hey @Lemonjuice

its good that you left them for a while. I know you are in the midst of heavy and will be for a while.

I used to do what you are too. I had a place I’d go. I’m so glad you didn’t take them with you. I know it feels impossible just now. Sometimes when I would 'run away' people on the forum would chat to me and it helped. Not sticking up for your nephew but my kids are atrocious with communicating that stuff too. I’ve become a bit oblivious to it now, but it’s taken years of them all going through the same phase.

Is it a nice day where you are?

@Teej yeah, it's lovely here...sunny, perfect. I stopped caring about the kids coming and going a long time ago, one is 23 and the other 18. My mother however, at 83 and from a village can't deal with it, she thinks it's shameful and people will talk, etc. Thing is her health is so bad that I can't allow her to be upset or it could end her. I've become the referee between a nephew who is verbally abusive, probably borderline and a mother who is confused, anxious and very fragile physically. If I leave, I don't need to deal with any of it. My nephew resents me for reasons I don't get, so I'd be doing him a favour. Nothing I do will stop my mother dying, so now or later, the result will be the same. I don't see a future anymore. If anything, my living is just holding everything from changing for the better...I'm holding everything up, but perhaps I am holding everything back.

Going home now.

Sorry for the delay in response @Lemonjuice I was moving some plants to make the most of the rain. I’m so glad it is sunny there.

I understand that feeling of being the middle person and holding it all together for the others. It will end as you know and then there will be opportunities for you to explore you without all the drama that brings us down. If you are like me you absorb all that stuff and it changes my mood so much. Currently I am living mostly by myself and I think my mood is much more stable because there is less drama to breathe in.

I really hope that you can hold on for the next ? while your mum is so sick. Your nephew won’t be your responsibility and one day he might come around and be grateful. I think it’s a really hard age. They know everything and rebel against everything. Once that passes some gratitude hopefully will sink in.

In the meantime try to find some time for you. Maybe do more research about your trip to tassie if that helps. I have plans that I haven’t got to yet but sometimes it helps me to add those things that are for me to a list, even if I don’t do them for a long time. Go gentle on you. You are in one of the heaviest parts of life, caring for someone who is probably terminally ill. It will pass eventually and then you might surprise yourself what life is like for you. 💜🤗

We're glad to hear that you are going home now @Lemonjuice, it must be hard also being the connection between the traditional way of doing things that your mum is used to and the new independent ways of the youth. At times, it must feel like you are stretched between the two that you don't have time for yourself.

Stepping away from the situation was a good idea, do you have any specific plans for this afternoon?

Yeah, just went shopping, got home and cut the grass and now I am cooling off cause I am going to start cooking in a half hour, somewhere in all of that I got clothes washing to do for the week.

You are certainly an excellent multi-tasker @Lemonjuice! What are you planning to cook?

A Greek dish...chicken legs in a red sauce and rice. Fry onions in olive oil, add chicken legs, brown, and then add a tin of crushed tomatoes, a heaped tablespoon of tomato paste, salt, pepper and cinnamon. Pour in some water, just barely covering the chicken and let it simmer until it reduces to a thick sauce and the chicken is cooked through. Then it goes over spaghetti or steamed rice...some nice picorino or parmesan cheese. I usually make it when I've run out of ideas or tired cause it can be done in an hour.

That sounds delicious @Lemonjuice

Thanks. Wish I could share it.