Flashback of Abuse

So I just went to look at a rental property & it was in an area where I spent a lot of time living in different rentals when my now adult son was growing up - before my daughter was even thought of.

I had so much anxiety & panic driving through that area that I didn't even make it to the house.

so much abuse was put upon me by so many people during the years living in that area - physical, mental, emotional& sexual - in every way I was abused by every single person I had ever trusted , relied on or loved from my own mother& step father to my sons father& his entire family ,to "friends" & boyfriends- I just had flashbacks of every form of abuse that has occurred to me through the years driving through those streets.

I definantly cannot live in that area - problem is that is the cheapest area w the most rentals closest to where I live& my agoraphobia won't allow me to go further away- I am actually shocked I managed to get there from here all by myself - but knew I had to so freaking forced myself having a meltdown the entire way - also because the traffic was peak hour & very busy roads & that was so anxiety provoking for me.

I feel literally trapped in this house- so I geuss my only option is to wait for a house to be offered to me- as I cannot afford to rent anything around this area- I can't even afford the house I am in-

but who knows how long that will take? As I keep being told there is no way of knowing when a house will become available - you just have to wait & see.

i am on the verge of selling my dog @& throwing out all of our possessions so I can move into a one bedroom flat bcos that is all I can afford-

but I don't even know how I would go about doing that- I have no life skills & feel I am unravelling more & more each day- I don't understand what is happening to me- but I feel like I can't cope or function in the outside world & I am permanently trapped in this house-

i just don't know what to do anymore- I feel I am deteriorating & loosing the very few sets of skills that I did have to function & cope at a very fast rate.

is this a breakdown I am having?

A psychosis? - IV never had it before so I don't know- all I know is I don't feel good & I can't see a way out. I am completely alone with no one to help or rely on & that is really scary -

i just want a safe place for my daughter & I to live longterm that I can afford- why is that so difficult for me to come by? 😭