NDIS stress is it worth it

I have a really great support worker now from PIR helping me to apply for the NDIS-

i still don't understand what it even is no matter how much she tries to explain it to me.

She had obtained my medical records from the hospital psychiatrist & I wanted to take a copy home myself to keep & read - she printed me off a copy & I started flipping through pages- there was a lot there it went years back-

then she suddenly snatched it off me & said I should not Take it home to read- I must have had a worried look on my face-

i understand why she did this, she was trying to look out for me & not re traumatise me. But-

i feel sooooooooooo uncomfortable with her including papers from my medical records- when I don't even know what they say!!!!

I feel sooooooooooooo uncomfortable with applying for this thing when I don't even understand what it is!

i am sooooooooooo paranoid & I don't trust anyone from past abuse & trauma- like not a single Person-when your entire family has abused you & ganged up on you your entire life , in every way , shape & form-even trying to have me falsely arrested- when I was physically assaulted by my mothers narcissitic husband- he called the police & said I assaulted him- I didn't- & my teenage son told the police officer it was my fault, when he didn't even see the assault on myself happen-which would have led to my two year old daughter going into care as she had no-one to care for her if that happened- it didn't happen I didn't get arrested-because I did nothing wrong-

I really don't think I can go through with this- but I don't feel I have another option-

my quality of life is so shiz I'd rather just not even bother with it anymore-&

I am trying the best I can for my child but the agoraphobia is taking over my life along with the C- PTSD - I am scared my daughters going to be taken away from me if I admit to how bad I have gotten- I am not abusive or neglectful- I just can't leave the freaking house, do anything & am constantly in tears-

since my Narcissitic mother died 3years ago-who was pretending to "help " me with my agoraphobia & anxiety- but was really -( I didn't realise)-abusing me, enabling me& controlling every single solitary aspect of my life - it has really hit me last year & been going downhill till now -I have no life skills & cannot cope.

-I am meant to be looking for a new rental property because can't afford this one but I cannot because of the agoraphobia-so I am literally physically stuck in this house that is negatively impacting my mental wellness- but I can't get out of this house literally-

- am meant to go to dentist desperatly needed but can't because of the agoraphobia- am meant to go to physiotherapist for severe neck pain that has had me immobile for 3 weeks crying in pain because painkillers are not working but I can't because of agoraphobia-

- meant to vote- but can't due to agoraphobia-

the list goes on & on- thank God I can get daughter to school & play dates but that's about it!!- she is my security blanket-

literally couldn't leave the house from Friday when I picked my daughter up from school- all weekend last weekend till Monday when I dropped her at school again cause was triggered from Mother's Day-

- I can't live like this anymore- but don't think I have the strength to go through with this NDIS thing- I think it's going to give me a breakdown- IV been reading some of the posts on here & it seems like a huge hard fight that most likely will come out with nothing- I don't think I have it in me