LemonjuiceSenior Contributor
Hi
Hi, haven't been on for a while now. Not sure if anyone remembers me or what I was up to last time. My therapist had moved on to private practice, so I couldn't afford him and so I was considering whether to apply for ndis. I decided against it, I've been given a new therapist and she is lovely. I've only seen her two times but she is pretty good, so I will stay with her.
The other reason I haven't been around is that a couple of months ago, we found out that my 80 year old mother has leukemia. She has gone through three bone marrow tests which are horrendous to witness, transfusions, chemo, etc. She is so bruised and exhausted and I get a ringside seat to it all. Apparently, I'm resilient though, so I just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving.
To be honest, I'm kind of relieved, she's been suffering for a long time now, from diabetes related problems. I'm also relieved because I've been suffering with her. I've been a carer for some 30 years now, dad, mum, my sister's kids. Dad's gone, my sister's kids are now adults and now my mum is going. After she goes, I will have no responsibilities or obligations to anyone...my carer days will be over. I will be alone but it won't matter. I think I would like to take a few months away from everything and everyone...go to Tasmania. It will give my niece and nephew a chance to get comfy living without me. I don't know after that, might go back and see some of the places we lived in, old school, etc, a biographical journey. I think I will call it a day at that point. I can't really see any real reason to live past that and the truth is, I was never really keen on life, I kind of just existed cause it was the thing to do or because others needed me. I never got married or had relationship, never had kids, only worked for a while before anxiety kicked in and became disabled and study is tediously slow cause of my issues. All round, it's been boring, exhausting and meaningless. I do feel relief that after so many years, it's finally coming to a close.
