Extremely Concerned about my husband's Mental health and the BIG changes to his life.

Ivana, thank-you for your post. I didn't realise there were other conditions that could cause him to be suffering like this. I will have a look at these links and thank-you for posting.

He is only 42(nearly 43 years of age). I hadnt realised someone can develop dementia early but suppose anything is possible. I watched my mum suffer from dementia. It was a horrendous disease.

I am almost certain his mother is a sufferer of some type of mental illness...possibly bipolar or depression. I have known her longer then my husband and always found her behaviour quite different. She still isn't well at age 65.

Hi Maritza and thanks for posting again.

I did encourage him to see the dr (on a few occasions ) and he said he would but he doesn't. And I realise it's because he feels relatively ok. I am starting to see "agitation" and "impatience" with him now. He is getting very irrated that the Airline company has not returned his emails and he has gone to Consumer Affairs. He threatened them and now he has reported them. The husband I know and love DOES not do this! He is the most patient man I know so I realise he is coming undone. He is very short with me on the phone. He keeps the calls brief with me.

I am wondering. If he comes spiralling down into a depression, will his original personality return? I am concerned if he goes to Japan and comes spiraling down, the people there may not know how to treat him or help him as they don't know him. He probably is a different person to them.

I saw my dr this afternoon as I have been anxious. I see a counseller tomorrow with Relationships Australia. I need all the help I can get.

I didnt realise this would ever happen, but given the amount of stress, heartache and loss my husband has been through, I guess it was going to happen.

It's his birthday next week and I hope to see him and give him a gift. I might try and encourage him again.

I feel as though his workplace might have now worked out he is not well as he has asked for time off work - three months UNPAID leave and he has never done anything like that in his life.

Thanks for your support, everyone here. You have made me feel so much better as I have blamed myself for so many things and wondered where i had gone wrong. I am sure I have not been 100percent the perfect wife and probably havent help the situation in some circumstances. Being a carer for my mum(who suffered from severe anxiety and dementia) means I am also, at times, very anxious.

Got to learn to unwind. That means totally distracting myself from everything. Very hard to do at times but I can achieve it on some occasions.

Thanks again and I will be sure to take a look at the other posts and contribute.

@Grace01,

People have got Dementia even in their 30's (not necessarily saying that's the case for your husband).

Unfortunately there is a lack of information about Younger Onset Dementia in Australia.

Are you able to say what sort of unusual behaviours your husband mothers has? Does she have any physical symptoms or physical illnesses that you are aware of?

http://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/my-health-story/alzheimers-at-age-30-an-old-persons-disease-hits-a-young-family/

Thanks, Ivana.

I don't want to get explicit or anything but the first thing I noticed, when I first met my husband's mother is she talked often about "her 35 lovers". At first I thought she was joking, but she was telling the truth. She went from relationship to relationship when my husband was growing up and she often told me (and others) at my church that she loved, "sex". I thought that was quite strange. Then, maybe I thought, she was just craving love and attention.

The next thing I noticed is that she hoarded boxes and other stuff, mainly junk. She had stuff laying around in her backyard. To me, it looked like rubbish but to her, it played a special purpose. A few years ago I mowed her lawn and came across some good quality pencils. I thought the grandkids may have left them there but she told me she had placed them there and that is where they belonged. So I had to mow around them. Quite bizarre.

I have known her since her early 40's and she has come across as strange. She became quite religious and studied the bible all day and everyday. She had notes and notes written on different bible verses and was quite rigid about her religion. We attended the same church and our church wasn't this rigid at all. When I met my husband(her son) she didn't like us holding hands(that was fornication to her). Clearly very strange.

She can appear "manic" at times in her behaviour. One day she appeared on my doorstep with her dryer. She said that I should have it when I clearly said I didn't want it(because I dont' like them). She insisted that I have it. It took some talking to to make her take it home!

I have been shopping with her and she will see "sale items" and usually purchase things that are quite useless like "sticky tape". Once, we were in Kmart and there was a sale on Sticky-tape. I think she bought about 20 rolls. So she can be a bit erratic.

Another example. I could be with her on a train(this is just an example) travelling to an important appointment and happen to notice, as the train goes by, that "spotlight" in one suburb is having a big sale. I might make comment about it and she would say, "Hey, let's get off the next stop and go back and check it out" I would have to say "NO, I need to get to my appointment" but she will fail to understand.

She has done risky behaviour(jumped out of a aeroplane when she was a young mother and on another occasion randomly had a sexual encounter with an elderly gentleman at the petrol station.

She hasn't managed money well over the years and is highly disorganised in the house. She rarely cleans but has a habit of changing the furniture nearly every fortnight/month.. And she will change bedrooms and those of her son and grandson. Eg...One week she may sleep in the front room and another week sleep in the back room. I never know where she gets the energy from but she does seem to have a lot of energy!

She can be erratic in her speech and also abusive. She has told me off a few times in my life! She can be aggressive in her speech as well.

If she can't deal with a situation, she will run from it and that means changing her phone number. In the time that I have known her, she has probably changed her home phone number about 20 times. The same for mobile phones. She is constantly updating her phone or changing the phone number.

There are some other things but they are of a highly sensitive nature that I can't discuss here.

She is not the nicest of people and has been very abusive towards me over the years.

Thanks for the reply @Grace01,

Some of the things you mentioned sound potentially like Bipolar disorder symptoms but others like the erratic behaviour,hoarding and inability to understand consequences(like missing an important appointment) should like cognitive decline.

Telling everyone her sex life at church could be from mania but could also be from a lack of inhibition cause by Dementia or something else similar.

Do you know if your husband's mother is always like this as a constant or does she have episodes of Depression and feelings of shame over her actions?

It does should like your husband has inherited something, regardless whatever is going on.

Sometimes in some people, there is an overlap between Dementia and Bipolar disorder.

Unfortunately, many psychiatrists in this country are unaware of this and at the same time, many neurologists don't want to treat patients with psychiatric symptoms.

Maybe it would be ideal if your husband could see a Neuropsychiatrist and request a brain MRI and PET Scan?

http://ebmh.bmj.com/content/3/1/29.full?trendmd-shared=0

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24200543

https://braindecoder.com/post/hyper-religious-man-brain-atrophy-frontotemporal-dementia-1539729049

Hi @Grace01,

Again, your MIL's behaviour does sound like bipolar to me in some ways. 'Hypersexuality' and loss of inhibitions is a very well known aspect of the condition (I have been there myself decades ago). Getting back specifically to your husband, you mention that he has had overspending and gambling binges in the past (again can be very much related to bipolar, though not things I have experienced personally). Has he suffered depressions after these episodes? If so, what was he like when that occurred? This is to help answer what he might be like if he comes crashing down after what may be a current episode of mania. In my case, things became so overwhelming to me during the crash times that I was sleeping up to 20 hours per day for a number of months. I totally understand your concern about him going to Japan and possibly falling into a depression there. It is often the case that bipolar people are very charismatic in their manic phases (I had about 100 'friends' during the major episode in my life). But these people often will not be there to pick up the pieces if there is a crash as all they can sometimes see is their new friend suddenly becoming withdrawn, depressed, and no longer attractive. For both your sakes, I hope your husband can somehow come to see that something is not quite right with himself and get off to a doctor for further exploration, whether that be the kinds of exploration @ivana suggests or psychiatric assessment, or both. You are an amazing wife to be patient and take the time to explore further here on the forum your husband's condition. Not everyone would do this. Again, my very best wishes to you both.

@Grace01, I just want to add that, although what I said about the extremity depression can take with bipolar, with a good psychiatrist, psychologist and other support, it can become much more managable. If your husband is able to access this kind of support he may not need to experience the extremes I have because of going so long undiagnosed.

Ivana and Mazarita - thank you both so much for your great input. Ivana, My mother in law does not like me and I don't think she would have any more investigations. The same with my husband. They live together now and would not see they have mental health issues. Very sad.

Mazarita, I have not seen my husband experience crushing depressive episodes. I have seen him depressed but not bad enough to warrant him seeing a Dr. When he is down, he tends to eat more, especially Chocolate. He put on weight after Christmas and then got terribly upset about it and started exercising excessively. But if knew he wanted to find another relationship that may be the reason why he wanted to lose weight. The problem was he excercised excessively and it became an obession. He was able and is still able to hold down a job but he tells me now he is going to take 3 months UNPAID leave so he can go to Japan. I am concerned about the debt he has incurred and I am booked in for legal advice next week. This is causing me considerable stress and added heartache.

I always thought his mother was having some mental health issues when she spoke about her numerous brief relationship encounters.

I guess it is very sad in a way.

My husband and I are both christians and I am serious about my Marriage vows inspite of what my husband has done. I want to see him get the long-awaited help that is needed. I would not want him to continue on in life suffering like this. I always thought it might be his personality. Now I realise it is a mental illness.

There has been periods where he has been depressed and slept in a little (on weekends) but his mental health hasn't been that serious until last year and this year, given all of the stress and heartache.

I saw another counseller yesterday who told me this sounds very much like Bipolar and she has worked in mental health four years. She is concerned for him going to Japan and asked me if I could speak to a family member. They would not help. But there is one Aunt (from his father's side) who I have spoken to. Maybe she could encourage him.

I have expressed my concerns to my husband and he said to me the other day, "I don't have bipolar".

He told me his mother's behaviour is worsening. His brother,(who he lives with) has been diagnosed with Agitated depression and he has had some criminal issues a few years ago.

The thing I now notice with my husband is the lies and deceit and covering up of things. He tells me bits and pieces of information which is never the truth.

What I get concerned about is this: He has never really expressed his love for Japan before. He loves Australia and, as an artist adores the Australian landscape. He never mentioned the Japanese landscape before. I know he likes the Cherry blossoms but in all of the 20 years I have known him, nothing was said about Japan. But I suppose, if he has met a girl there, then Japan would probably be a perfect place.

I just never thought he would live in another country. I don't know if he would be able to live there yet, or not.

I cannot fathom how he can just leave the past behind. Our home, our pets, his garden, (vegetables) and our life together - oh, and me! He always said to me he didn't know how he could live his life without me! All has changed and it's heartbreaking to see. I know we were both under some stress after my mum died (organising her house for garage sales).

He is also very rigid in his thinking at the moment,

Interestingly enough, I had wondered if my husband was manic when he met me, I knew that he had addictions with herion and "pot" in the past and thought maybe this is why he was so happy to meet me.

He has been a good man and a good husband. He told me the other day "I have been a good wife and he said he gave me a rating of 97percent". I found that bizarre.

Thanks for your input.

I am also wondering if the people in Japan may be taking advantage of him. I found his Dating profile and he really talked himself up. He said he was a "successful Artist"(while he has sold artwork and one an award) the money isn't pouring in.

I am still concerned but still managing to take care of myself. It think the heartbreak is the worst for me at the moment and the fact that I can't get him to get help for himself. At the moment this is him living his dreams as he told me, when he left me , he wanted to fulfill his dreams. He wouldn't want a dr or counseller coming between his dreams either 😞

Thanks again, ladies.