Grace01Senior Contributor
Extremely Concerned about my husband's Mental health and the BIG changes to his life.
paiI wanted to say that my husband has not been evaluated by a Dr for his mental health although I have spoken to my dr and also Counseller(who happens to know him).
My husband and I have experienced significant loss and heartache in our lives. He lost his brother(in a balcony fall) and his dad (after a nursing home fire). There has been other significant losses, too. His mum, I know, suffers from some type of mental illness (and his grandmother did too). I am aware that some mental health issues are hereditary.
My husband's personality has always been a bit "flighty" and spontaneous. He took up ART(painting 2003) and is exceptionally good at it. He always has big dreams and likes to achieve them. I am a realist, I live in the moment and probably a little boring.
I have encouraged him in his art over the years and he has always done so well.
For several years my mum was sick and we were busy with her. She later developed dementia and passed away October 2015. My husband was close to my mum although the caring part did take a great toll on us both.
On March 27, just during Easter my husband asked me to go and check the washing on the line. When I came back indoors he was gone. I phoned him on the mobile and he told me he couldnt do this anymore - be married; wanted to fulfill his dreams, be selfish, etc.
Naturally I was in shock. He had done this last year(in May 2016). Everything behind my back, the planning and organisation. Never once sharing with me his struggles. But he came back home after two weeks and received some grief counselling for the loss of his brother and father.
Life came back to normal after those two weeks away last year.
But this time it is different. He is definately moving on with his life and hasn't really told me many details but I have managed to find out them.
Some people say it's a mid-life crisis for him, and it may well be, but my Dr feels as though it could be something more - Possibly Bipolar but without a proper diagnosis, it is hard to say.
In the weeks he has gone, he has gotten himself into debt $14,000.00. He met a lady online(in another country) and went to visit her a few weeks ago. In the short space he has known her, he realises she is the one he wants to be with and her family have suddently become his family,(her daughter and her parents). In all the years I have known and married him(20 years) he never mentioned his love for Japan or even a hint that he liked the country. He loves France so I always thought he would go there. He told me, that when he left me on 27 March 2016 he went to a friend's place and then his mothers place. He had "racing thoughts" and saw the dr the next day who gave him sleeping tablets but advised him to go back to his dr (to see if he could see a specialist, possibly pyschiatrist or pyschologist) but he hasn't done so.
So, he went to Japan just before my birthday. When I saw him before he left I kept asking him where I had gone wrong in our marriage. He replied, "Oh, I am sorry, this is not about you, it's me. You have been a good wife and I give you 97percent". It was all so strange.
In early March he was doing excessive excercise and one morning I heard him talking on his mobile. He rang crime stoppers as he thought the neighbours may have been murdered after some random, strange guy was up to no good in the street.
Getting back to now. He tells me he is going back to Japan. He has asked his Workplace for UNPAID LEAVE - total of three months and flying out to Japan again(this time on our wedding anniversary).
He has no care for our home; the vegetables and garden that he grew, our pets and definately me).
He is helping somewhat financially but tells me that this home is our investment property. He never seems to take into consideration the pain I feel for his absence and my broeken heart. We were coming up 18 years marriage. He is rather "flippant" about the whole thing.
The man I have come to love and know can be cautious at times but also loving and kind and understanding. This man is different.
I have been told there is nothing I can do unless he harms himself or others. The other day we had this conversation on the phone and he mentioned that there have been times he didn't want to live. And then he switched the phone off. I was so concerned and talked to his boss who checked in on him. It is so worrying to hear those words but i don't think he was planning anything.
He paints (part time) and has left all his artwork here. He has lost some interest in art and also the football. He adores football and has lost all interest. I can understand, if he is in love with someone then this could be the reason.
My husband has such a lovel for Australia and the Australian landscape that this new foundlove for Japan has really shocked me. He seems to have embraced the culture as well. He doesnt speak a word of Japanese and I think neither does his girlfriend.
He has been reluctant to tell me about her but I have managed to find out this side of the story.
He is also gambling excessively again and I must get some legal help asap.
My friend seems to think this is him just wanting to experience a new life, but the man I have come to know and Love is not like this. We are both committed in our faiths and to our church and he no longer attends church but seems to cling to his faith somewhat.
He is currently living with his family (who are not mentally stable) and they are "fueling" his dreams. His mum has told him to "climb Mt Fuji" . My husband is in his early 40's. I don't get on well with his mother or his brother(his brother was charged with a sexual assault of our niece a few years ago).
I am receiving counselling and have joined a group(recovery group) but my heart is still heavy for I love this man. He is very cold towards me now and can get frustrated easilly in our conversations.
So, while he makes big plans, gives up his work (unpaid leave for 3 months), takes out loans and credit cards, and plans a new life with a new woman and her daughter, he is still edgy and irritable.
I have to sit and watch this all unfold and it breaks my heart.
I know that he has told all his family about this "new woman and new family" and I wonder what they think of him and me. I know, some of his family members looked up to both of us because we were committed in our relationship and our faith.
I tried to talk to him the other day about my concerns for the "big" changes he had gone through.
I am at a loss, without a diagnosis and also for my future. I am just taking one day at a time, but I worry what he will tell me next. He sends emails to me and the one a few weeks ago said "I am going to Japan on these days and I am sorry things didn't work out for us" Regards xxxxxx . It was very cold and hurtful.
Any advice would be appreciated. I was already grieving deeply for the loss of my mum and now it's for my husband.
